Just skip this one, trust me
I think about Not Blogging Anymore a lot lately, way more than I used to. Anyone else?
I have a lot of reasons, though it depends on the day. Some days I realize Jack is about to turn five and head to school and how would I have felt if MY mother were writing about ME on a near daily basis for an audience of, uh, dozens? There are times when I think it will be really neat for my kids to read some [SELECTED] entries, and sometimes I think about when my girls have their own babies and maybe they'll get a kick out of what I had to say about being a mom. Maybe? But I'm feeling like I shouldn't be writing so much about my individual kids anymore. Or I need to edit, big time.
Then there are days when I violate blog policy, which makes me feel sad and guilty and ashamed of myself.
There are days when CLEARLY I have nothing to say. And days when CLEARLY I should visit a trusted mental health professional instead.
I've been writing here since 2004 and if you were to judge the blog by fame and fortune and book advances, then it's been an abject and embarrassing failure.
Although, if you judge it by friendships made and a now yearly assumption that I will fly across the country to see them, it's been a tremendous success. I can't forget that part.
I've always wanted to write, but does this count?
I think sometimes I hop on Twitter to see what's going on and I'm overwhelmed by the conversations. I wonder if it's possible to be an introvert on Twitter. You'd think not, since you're not actually in their presence, right? And you have time and space to compose your replies. Except sometimes it feels like there isn't time! People are going so fast, and then what if you forget someone, or someone else jumps in, or you get a little lost, or sometimes (heaven forbid) your real life demands attention. Or sometimes I think I'm just not that opinionated, so why bother saying anything in the first place? Especially when there's always someone else to say it for you.
I think I'm just tired. Last week was excruciating, for both Phillip and me, and part of me wants to write about it, because that's what I do, and part of me thinks I've written it already, too many times, and who cares anymore (if they ever did) and maybe I should find a "real" thing to do. Maybe clean my bathroom every once in a while.
My biggest fear, if I stopped keeping a blog, is losing people. I'm terrible at Twitter and Facebook is too real-life, so this is my main form of communication. And I just can't fathom doing the mom thing, or just LIFE, without my internet friends. So much so that I wonder how non-internetters manage.
Anyway. We all know I'm not going anywhere. I like it here too much. I just wish I were better at it. If that makes sense.