Today was half-decent until... it wasn't anymore. I don't know what turned. It happens, though. Sometimes I'll be powering through a thoroughly average day and BOOM. My ability to parent mysteriously and instantly disappears and I become a raving loony woman, dangling from the end of a very frayed rope.
The plan was to treadmill the minute Phillip came home, but instead I threw myself on the couch and just SAT. I don't do that. I mean, I find OTHER ways to transfer child-wrangling responsibility. I'll make it look like I'm super busy cleaning the kitchen or finishing dinner or whoops, look at this huge pile of laundry I need to fold RIGHT NOW. I don't really SIT. But I sat tonight and when my sister and brother-in-law came over a bit later I was still sitting there and BIL, who speaks only when absolutely necessary, said, "YOU look TIRED."
And now I am STILL not treadmilling, I am eyeing the internet grouchily and chowing down on a bag of Valentine candy I meant to sprinkle in a package to friends in Hawaii. (A package I meant to send for Christmas, mind you. CHRISTMAS.)
I don't feel like I have a good reason to be grouchy, but whatever, I'm going with it. I've even made a short list of Things, When Combined, Produce A Grouchy Me:
- When the kids are playing, but the playing is interspersed with bouts of sobbing (the girl) or whining (the boy) at five minute intervals, most requiring parental intervention, at which point they realize it's them against me and go back to being horribly loud (yet happy)
- The contractor came to talk to me about my staircase and that was okay, but he told me that a grand total redesign/rebuild of the upstairs bathroom would cost me 30-40K HA HA HA.
- I am really down about the baby weight today, even though I keep telling myself I've lost nearly 20 pounds since she was born (it's not helping) (not like NOT treadmilling is helping either)
- When I started talking to Jack about kindergarten and he said, "How come I'm not going to go to the kindergarten in the big building? [at his current school]" and I felt REALLY SAD.
- I bought this new workbook thing for Molly and I to do while Jack is in school and it sucks.
- My calves are sore. WHY ARE MY CALVES SORE?
- Why are my calves sore even BEFORE I have attempted to do the Shred post-Emma?
- Every time I clean the kitchen it gets messy again.
- And! I feel like all I ever do is yell at my kids to BE QUIET YOUR SISTER IS SLEEPING!!!
But here is a list of reasons why I have no business feeling grouchy:
- I started planning a trip to Hawaii for our ten-year anniversary next year.
- I am super excited about all the wedding and baby stuff going on with my sisters.
- EJ is not necessarily sleeping longer stretches, but she's getting SO much easier to put down I can barely believe it. On occasion she will even fall asleep on her own!
- It will be relatively easy and affordable to build a staircase down to the backyard. And I have an awesome contractor dude.
- I'm going to Portland in a few weeks for a college ministry retreat - I get to pray behind the scenes with some really gifted people and I am SO SUPER EXCITED. My parents are going to take the big kids and Phillip and Emma are going to come with me and just hang out on the sidelines and I am SO GRATEFUL because otherwise I don't think I'd go.
- Carrie sent me a really beautiful note about what I write on this stupid website and it really made my day, by which I mean it ruined my eye makeup.
- My mother spent about eight hours on the phone with me discussing my large scale what-I-want-to-do-with-my-house plans. She takes my kids AND she indulges me.
So. There you go. SUCK IT UP, ME!
I'll try sucking it up for a bit, and when that inevitably fails I think I'll go buy some fabric on Etsy. My curtain "headboard" needs to get itself DONE. There's nothing like spending a little money to cure the grouchy.