In which I take super good news and turn it into a sob story about my pants size
I ran on my treadmill every day last week. I was feeling proud of myself until my future BIL was telling me tonight that he ran 13 miles today, just for kicks. And for you locals, his route (HIS USUAL ROUTE, BTW) took him from Wallingford, through the U District, down through Ravenna, up to the cemetery behind U Village (SO 13 MILES OF HILLS), then past Metropolitan Market and down to Sand Point, then into Montlake and along Pacific by UW, then up 15th to 45th, up to freaking NINETY-NINE, and THEN, if it's a WEEKEND, he throws in a jaunt around Green Lake. But if it's a week day he just goes home. SLACKER.
Of course, most of you stopped reading at Future BIL and YES I HAVE PERMISSION TO TELL YOU MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIEEEEEEED!!! (Hence the Pinterest board some of you have asked me about!)
So there you have my Ultimate Weight Loss Goal: LOSE BABY WEIGHT BY SISTER'S WEDDING.
This is not the FPC, by the way. (For you Skimmers, the FPC is my OTHER sister. Take notes!) The FPC is already married. BUT SHE IS HAVING A BABEEEEEEE!!!! EEEEEEEEEE!!!
I KNOW. There has been a LOT of Pinning lately.
The FPC is due in May. I do not feel I have to lose any weight by THAT date. But the wedding date is mid-July and GOSHDARNIT I will be fitting into my old pants by mid-July. OR ELSE!
Last night I saw that I have worn my Fat Pants/Early Pregnancy Pants/Then Fat Pants Again so much that I have worn out the inner thighs and crotch. There are HOLES DOWN THERE, Internet. It's true that I've worn those pants through at least two pregnancies, BUT STILL.
I'm at this really miserable point where maternity pants are no longer an option and my Fattest Pants give me Saggy Butt, but my OLD PANTS are SO FAR from fitting that if I even TRY I have to schedule a therapy appointment. I may have to actually go and BUY PANTS. WAH.
I've lost 16 pounds since I started keeping track. I have 9 to go before I hit my pre-Molly weight and 14 before I hit my pre-Emma weight. I don't doubt that I can do this, but it's taking me a lot longer than it did last time, for various reasons, and I think I am OKAY WITH THAT, but I am still worried about the PANTS SITUATION.
It also did not help that Future BIL brought CAKE. Bah.
But I'm starting to think, like... what if I DIDN'T lose the weight? I mean, I WANT TO and I WILL but there's this [GOOD] thing where I don't feel like my entire world revolves around this weight loss project (probably why it's going slower this time!) Like sometimes I think: maybe Hot By Thirty was as good as it was going to get for me, skinny-wise, and instead of feeling bereft and morose, I feel sort of... okay with it. Does that make any sense at all? It's not like I want to stay where I am or whatever, and it's not even that losing weight isn't as IMPORTANT... It's more like I am thinking that some day I will be 40 and 50 and 60 and I would rather be a WISE mother than a SKINNY one. Blargh. Will have to expound on this some other time.