In which I take super good news and turn it into a sob story about my pants size

I ran on my treadmill every day last week. I was feeling proud of myself until my future BIL was telling me tonight that he ran 13 miles today, just for kicks. And for you locals, his route (HIS USUAL ROUTE, BTW) took him from Wallingford, through the U District, down through Ravenna, up to the cemetery behind U Village (SO 13 MILES OF HILLS), then past Metropolitan Market and down to Sand Point, then into Montlake and along Pacific by UW, then up 15th to 45th, up to freaking NINETY-NINE, and THEN, if it's a WEEKEND, he throws in a jaunt around Green Lake. But if it's a week day he just goes home. SLACKER. 

Of course, most of you stopped reading at Future BIL and YES I HAVE PERMISSION TO TELL YOU MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIEEEEEEED!!! (Hence the Pinterest board some of you have asked me about!) 

So there you have my Ultimate Weight Loss Goal: LOSE BABY WEIGHT BY SISTER'S WEDDING. 

This is not the FPC, by the way. (For you Skimmers, the FPC is my OTHER sister. Take notes!) The FPC is already married. BUT SHE IS HAVING A BABEEEEEEE!!!! EEEEEEEEEE!!!

I KNOW. There has been a LOT of Pinning lately. 

The FPC is due in May. I do not feel I have to lose any weight by THAT date. But the wedding date is mid-July and GOSHDARNIT I will be fitting into my old pants by mid-July. OR ELSE!

Last night I saw that I have worn my Fat Pants/Early Pregnancy Pants/Then Fat Pants Again so much that I have worn out the inner thighs and crotch. There are HOLES DOWN THERE, Internet. It's true that I've worn those pants through at least two pregnancies, BUT STILL. 

I'm at this really miserable point where maternity pants are no longer an option and my Fattest Pants give me Saggy Butt, but my OLD PANTS are SO FAR from fitting that if I even TRY I have to schedule a therapy appointment. I may have to actually go and BUY PANTS. WAH.

I've lost 16 pounds since I started keeping track. I have 9 to go before I hit my pre-Molly weight and 14 before I hit my pre-Emma weight. I don't doubt that I can do this, but it's taking me a lot longer than it did last time, for various reasons, and I think I am OKAY WITH THAT, but I am still worried about the PANTS SITUATION. 

It also did not help that Future BIL brought CAKE. Bah.

But I'm starting to think, like... what if I DIDN'T lose the weight? I mean, I WANT TO and I WILL but there's this [GOOD] thing where I don't feel like my entire world revolves around this weight loss project (probably why it's going slower this time!) Like sometimes I think: maybe Hot By Thirty was as good as it was going to get for me, skinny-wise, and instead of feeling bereft and morose, I feel sort of... okay with it. Does that make any sense at all? It's not like I want to stay where I am or whatever, and it's not even that losing weight isn't as IMPORTANT... It's more like I am thinking that some day I will be 40 and 50 and 60 and I would rather be a WISE mother than a SKINNY one. Blargh. Will have to expound on this some other time.

Comments

[Sarah in Ottawa]

Squee! Congratulations to K and her husband, and to your other sister, too! Does that mean that all your siblings will soon be married?

I think it's fine and normal to think that "Hot by Thirty" is the lowest, and to feel comfortable at a slightly higher weight. I am now at a lower weight than I was pre-Teddy. That said, it's still 10ish lbs from where I was when we got married, but I don't think I'll ever be there again. That's ok -- I struggled with disordered eating as an adolescent, and had to be on a restrictive diet in order to maintain my wedding weight. But I'm happy where I am, even though the weight has been distributed differently!

[AmyRyb]

I have resigned myself to the fact that my body will never be what it once was, and am pretty sure that no matter what I do (short of crazy measures that I could never live with permanently) nothing will get me there. I was down 10ish pounds from my prepregnancy weight when my baby turned one, pretty much thanks to breastfeeding. I lost it from my hips and thighs and butt, to the point that I almost missed some curves here and there. But the moment I stoppped breastfeeding it piled back on, to the point that I was at least five pounds heavier than my prepregnancy weight within about six months. Two years later, most of my pants still fit (with the exception of one pair, plus shorts that I've owned for like, seven years), but my stomach was NOT the same so a lot of my shirts were iffy. I made a couple changes and I'm pretty solidly back to my prepregnancy weight...but again, the belly is not what it was. I could beat myself up about it (and maybe I do at times) but again, short of ridiculousness it's probably not going to change much. I think it's a combo of pregnancy and age (stupid metabolism) creeping up on me, but I'm more likely to choose to move forward and buy clothes that fit me now, rather than agonize over what doesn't fit and bum myself out by looking disheveled in those clothes. I'd like to improve, but I'm at a point where it's not going to kill me if I don't...but I don't want it to get any worse either. Ugh. We'll see where I am after another baby one of these years...

[HereWeGoAJen]

My brother-in-law is getting married in June, in Mexico, on the beach. I have decided to focus more on finding a bathing suit that covers all my extra stomach skin, since I have decided that that stuff is never going away.

And hooray for all your sister related good news!

[Elsha]

I was a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding at 19 days postpartum. 19 DAYS!! (Pictures can be seen here: http://vandeblog.blogspot.com/2008/06/family.html ) So just take comfort in the fact that you'll look better than I did.

And congratulations to both your sisters!