Oh HI Internet. I'm just sitting here in my pjs, going to town on this here bag of chocolate chips. It's gonna be THAT kind of health kick post.
No really, welcome to my Week of Resolutions. Even though I'm not really IN to resolutions. I mean, as far as resolutions go, I resolve to floss. But I'm big on GOALS which seem a little different to me and I have five particular goals for the new year, and I hope the blog keeps me accountable in my attempts (or, more likely, un-attempts) to achieve them. So the first one is [SHOCKER] lose the baby weight.
And guess what! I lost four pounds this week. FOUR. Sure, three of them I gained over Christmas weekend so I'm only really down a net of ONE, but still, I lost four pounds in one week and this has given me a ton of confidence for the rest of my weight loss slog. Because that is what it is. A SLOG.
However. I am still up 23 pounds from my pre-Emma weight. My pre-Emma weight wasn't my lowest adult weight, but when I was at my lowest adult weight I was also veering into an unhealthy relationship with Jillian Michaels. I was quite happy at my pre-Emma weight and I am quite happy to stop there.
Which brings me to a seemingly unpopular opinion. (Fact? Thought? Thought, I think.) I am HAPPIER when I am at a lower weight.
I KNOW! That's the sort of thing that'll get me kicked off the internet, but for me it happens to be true. I was perfectly happy when I was overweight - which was my entire life until right before I got pregnant with Jack and dropped 30 pounds. And then I was all: HEY. THIS IS BETTER. [FOR ME!]
It's better [FOR ME] because... I think I just felt better. I liked the way I looked. I was strong. I fit into the kinds of clothes I wanted to wear. I no longer felt like the Fat Friend or the Fat Sister. Is this incredibly shallow? YES PROBABLY GAH. But I did (DO!) feel better when I am 20 pounds away from where I am now. I'm sure it has a lot to do with what it takes to GET there (exercise and eating well) but that's even more reason, right?
So all three post-partum times have been SUPER ROUGH because now I know what my life is like at a smaller size and I so badly want to get BACK to that smaller size. Maybe this is a horrible super-shallow thing to say but every morning I am so BUMMED OUT getting dressed. I get mad at myself for cutting my hair so short when I knew I'd have Baby Weight Face. I can't zip up my tall boots. Pants that used to FALL DOWN are now DIGGING INTO MY WAIST. I hate it. It makes me unhappy. IT JUST DOES.
I'm hoping to lose these 23 pounds by Emma's first birthday. I'd like to lose six by the time I go on my little girls' weekend at the end of January. And I'll make another smallish goal after that. I can do this, even if it will take a little longer than it did with Molly. I have a ton of clothes in my closet that don't fit. I'm a TINY bit apprehensive that my shape has changed, AGAIN, and that even when I HAVE lost the weight my clothes won't fit. BUT I CAN DO THIS!
I've lost weight solely by changing my diet, but the last time I added running and DVD workouts and exercise made a huge difference in my life. I'd never exercised before. Turns out it's awesome! (Sort of!) This time I am exercising MAYBE once a week. It's a combination of not wanting to and not having an opportunity. My life is a lot different with two not-napping preschoolers and a baby not yet on a schedule. But I hope to pick that up again soon. When I do hop on the treadmill I'm surprised at my endurance. I mean, it's pretty embarrassing, but considering where I was before I'd EVER attempted to run on a treadmill? I'm amazed. It makes me think I CAN do this again.
I'm going to write more on the weight loss blog too, especially now that the holidays are over and I (supposedly) have more time again.
Tomorrow: a resolution/goal that is not so trite!