I've been stuck in my house (and, to be fair, the two blocks SURROUNDING my house) since Saturday afternoon. I suppose I COULD have driven somewhere, but 1) we live on a hill and 2) I AM the Seattle driver who can't drive in snow, so it's just better for everyone if I stay home.
AND I think I've handled it quite well. The kids have played in the snow every day, we've done puzzles and games and stamping, we've made snow ice cream (success!) and snow candy (fail!), we've made real dinners, we've done laundry and cleaned the house and picked up our toys, we have NOT watched TV all day long. I've been treadmilling and eating the right things and calling people when I start to feel despairing that the snow will ever melt.
UNTIL TODAY. Today feels like my breaking point. I am just done. I am tired. I want to go somewhere. ANYWHERE. Tonight Phillip asked me if he could get together with two other guys tomorrow night, not even for anything fun, but to be all job networky, and I snapped. I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE! WHY CAN'T I GO SOMEWHERE?!
I also have "Phillip is leaving on Sunday" in my head - I don't think that makes it better.
Anyway, today I ate all sorts of horrible things and chose NOT to treadmill, so you are catching me at a Feeling Somewhat Bad About (And Also Sorry For) Myself point. I'd wanted to lose about 3.5 more pounds before next weekend. It's possible! If I do nothing except run and shred and eat apples. But we all know that isn't going to happen.
I have lost 13 pounds since I started Really Trying To Lose Weight after Emma. And that feels impressive to me. Some people don't lose any pounds! And I've lost 13! During the holidays! Yay! Then again, I have TWENTY MORE POUNDS TO GO and that feels overwhelming. Also very HEAVY as you would expect twenty extra pounds to be.
I've been losing about a pound a week, which is FINE, but also VERY SLOW. I mean, that gets me all sorts of approval from the Lose It AND Keep It Off crowd, but it's not really working for me in dressing rooms, if you know what I mean. I feel confident that I WILL lose this weight eventually, but next weekend I will be hanging out with my Old And Dear Friends and I may have mentioned this before, but they are two very slim, very hot, very super cute Asian girls and I AM NOT ANY OF THOSE THINGS. I am pretty sure they are bringing swim suits and GUESS WHO ISN'T.
I know that's awful. I KNOW IT. I know I shouldn't talk like that. BUT I DO. SO THERE.
We just finally - FINALLY! - organized the Cheung Family Trip and I am 99% sure it's happening in June, so I would really REALLY like to be VERY CLOSE to my goal if not AT my goal. I for SURE will be at my goal weight a little later in the summer at a family wedding. Oh yes I will.
Why am I not writing this on my weight loss blog? I DON'T KNOW. AM CRANKY.
So today is a loss, I think. Today I ate the kids' mac and cheese and one too many granola bars and a handful of animal crackers and a slice of Forbidden Cheese and God knows what else. Oh yes, BROWNIES. Because I am SNOWED IN and you know what? Sometimes food DOES make me feel better.
I just... I've got things to DO, Seattle Weather. Apparently it's going to start raining tonight and tomorrow and drastically warm up and I am HOPEFUL but I have also been SNOWED IN for nearly a week and that starts to do things to your rational reasoning skills. Let us not talk about how Phillip is flying in the direction of the storm and may get stuck at his airport on his way home (MAYBE!) and unable to fly home (MAYBE!) and I would be stuck with the kids another week PLUS miss my own trip (MAYBE!) Seriously, the ONLY positive thing about that scenario would be not feeling fat in Palm Springs.