Two Entirely Unrelated Topics, Yay Blog Storylines!
Blargh! And more blargh!

Not fun enough

My Molly is... 

Okay, so it's SUPER HARD for me to describe her on her own terms, without reference to Jack. (Same goes for Emma, without reference to Jack AND Molly.) Such is the trial of a not-first child? I don't know. 

Jack used to be timid and intimidated, but honestly it's been so long that I can barely remember him that way anymore. Those were the heydays of the Mom Group, full of super verbal little girls who bossed him around. But he's definitely his own little person now, with a large personality and a bigger smile. He's not the most outgoing or brave, but he's friendly and he wants to participate and he loves preschool. 

I never thought of Molly as timid. I still don't, really. What might look like timid is actually a strong sense of knowing what she does not want. She's always preferred to be near me (or ON me), ever since she was Emma's age! She's not into big groups or loud kids (her frequent preschool commentary: "There's too much kids") and if she's around a particularly boisterous or energetic kid, she sort of crawls into herself and, if I'm available, attaches herself to me. This goes doubly if Jack isn't around. She's braver about roller coasters and food and climbing, but not with people. 

I don't NEED her to go to preschool. And now that I've had a taste of Life With Three, I don't even really feel like I WANT her to go to preschool. Not for Third Baby Survival, anyway, like I thought. Jack - yes. Having Jack home 24/7, at this point, would probably kill us both. That kid needs stuff to DO. But Molly is a lot different - easier to occupy, happier to just be around. I mean, I want her to go if SHE wants to. I SO want her to go if it's a fun exciting thing. But I don't really think it is. 

And it's more than just the crying at drop off the other day. She OFTEN tells me she doesn't want to go. She often has nothing to say about it other than "there's too much kids". She's a barely-three in a class of four and five-year-olds. It's not necessary and if she tells me she doesn't want to go tomorrow morning, I won't make her go, and I'll probably call the school and take her out. (I am trying not to think about the Things They Will Think About Me, ie: what a dumb mother, kid freaks out once and she pulls her out, eye roll eye roll eye roll. SIGH.) 

It's just that preschool is SO unnecessary that there really isn't any point if she's not absolutely loving it. I thought it would be fun, but I don't think it is. Or it's not fun enough. Or staying home with me would be just as fun. So why bother? We can try again next year. Or we can look into ballet lessons in January. Or try preschool again at the community center where you have to sign up again every month. Or go to the gymnastics playroom on Saturdays with her dad. OR WHATEVER. There are so many things. Not just this thing. 

I try to permanent-fy my life the way I am attempting to permanent-fy my house. That's partly why this preschool schedule snafu was so distressing to me: Change! is Hard!

So we're not TOTALLY decided, but we are PRETTY MUCH decided. And I feel relieved and also stupid. I am always thinking I should have KNOWN. I should have KNOWN that such a big class would be hard for my little introvert! That just because she hangs out with her loud four-year-old brother doesn't mean she'll love hanging out with a whole bunch of loud four-year-olds who aren't her brother. This "should have known" thinking is such a THING with me. But I hate how KNOWING your things doesn't necessarily help you OUTGROW your things. 

Jack, meanwhile, is going to preschool tomorrow AND he has a field trip on Thursday AND he has school again on Friday. I am pretty sure Molly will decline school tomorrow, in which case she will be treated to a fun morning of Starbucks and Pier 1 and Christmas craftiness at home when I decide I cannot spend ninety-four dollars on a Pier 1 Christmas decoration. 

We will figure out what happens next after the holidays. After the Christmas party. After the Blathering launch! We certainly have enough to do right now. 

And I SO wonder who Emma will be...

Comments

craftyashley

Taking her out sounds like the best move. I don't know how can even begin to do two different schools! Change... Ugh!

Tara

Take her out! :) I totally would if I was in that situation. I've contemplated about the necessity of Maya going, but she really loves it. It's SHEA that gets dramatic about it.

Anette

I never comment but always read and I just wanted to say Maggie listen to your gut. I have two teenage daugthers one is really extroverted and the other is really introverted. The introverted one (like her mama) lurks in the shadows and weighs the situation before jumping in. She is a strong capable leader and has a mind of her own but she will never feel recharged or rejuvenated by being in a group the same way her sister will - Maybe that's your Molly.
Anyway a big thumbs up for viewing her needs as unique and trying to find the best solution for your family.

ccr in MA

"But I hate how KNOWING your things doesn't necessarily help you OUTGROW your things." Yes! Why IS that? If I figure out what's bothering me, shouldn't that be the first step to fixing it? Yet so often it isn't.

Dr. Maureen

Sounds like the right decision to me! And money-saving to boot, so win-win!

Honestly, Maggie, I bet her teachers will think, "Ah, yes, wise mother there; Molly will be better off in school next year," when you tell them. :)

Christina

You know I'm still having mental battles like this and my little girl is in 5th grade?! Seriously... like once a week I think "I don't know, maybe it would be better to homeschool her." I'm so in-between about it I annoy myself!

And I agree with Dr. Maureen - I bet the school/teachers will see the wisdom in your choice. Having worked in daycare and done a little teaching, I can tell you, teachers know which kids are ready and which could use a little more time at home. And seriously, who would judge you for wanting your barely 3 year old to feel secure and happy? Do what feels right for your daughter, and you can't go wrong. (now if I could just figure out what that meant for MY daughter...)

Karen

You're not dumb. I think the preschool decisions were made while you were contemplating Life With Three, and I know what that's like. The idea of having the older two off at school while you deal with the baby sounds wonderful. But you're making the right decision now, for Molly and you, I think.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 11 years into the parenting gig and this "Make a decision, realize it's not the best decision, change," happens a lot. It happened with a homeschooling group we joined. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Wasn't in the long run. I think it's part of the human condition, not just parenting.

HereWeGoAJen

I always feel odd saying this on blogs because why should my opinion matter to your decision, but yes, I think you are making exactly the right choice in taking her out if she wants to be out.

And I don't think you should have known. I think that she gained a lot in being a little out of her comfort zone because those things help us grow. And I think she'll gain a lot from being back in her comfort zone. Best of both worlds. :)

Jessica Dotta

Hi Maggie, I found your blog as I researched for a blog project. Would you drop a me a line, I think you might be interested in what I'm doing. bookgirl4 [at] att.net.

Thanks!
Jessica

Jesabes

I think if she's just as happy or happier at home, that's where she should be. Hopefully next year she'll be more adventurous! I'm sure with all the changes at home, she likes to be in her comfort zone.

Gina Davis

I would go with your instincts. If she isn't loving it then she may not be ready or it may not be the school for her. Our preschool has a 3 year old class, a 4 year old class and a 5 year old class and the younger the kids the less of them there are. It seemed to work really well plus a 3 year old has different likes and skills than a 5 year old. I think ballet lessons would be fun then she still is around other kids and learning to take instruction from a teacher but you are there for the comfort level. Plus TUTUs. I would totally do it just for the super cute picture opportunities. LOL.

Mama Bub

It sounds like you've got it all figured out. When I think of preschool, it's hard for me to think outside of my one kid in preschool who, like your son, NEEDS things to do. He needs to get out and be with other kids. Seven days a weeks with just me and entertainment that I source and provide would be too much for us.

My girl is eighteen months and I wonder what kind of kid she will be. I see bits of her personality emerging, but I wonder if she'll be the kid who NEEDS preschool, or just enjoys it, or screams every morning for months, and then cries again out of relief when I pick her up.

Christmas Scavenger Hunt

LOVE the way the door was "locked" and so he couldn't take a nap, but he's "okay!" Smart little guy.. good vocabulary too.

That being said, we have wood stairs too and wood stairs at our house, plus socks on feet, equals sure-fire disaster!

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