My Molly is...
Okay, so it's SUPER HARD for me to describe her on her own terms, without reference to Jack. (Same goes for Emma, without reference to Jack AND Molly.) Such is the trial of a not-first child? I don't know.
Jack used to be timid and intimidated, but honestly it's been so long that I can barely remember him that way anymore. Those were the heydays of the Mom Group, full of super verbal little girls who bossed him around. But he's definitely his own little person now, with a large personality and a bigger smile. He's not the most outgoing or brave, but he's friendly and he wants to participate and he loves preschool.
I never thought of Molly as timid. I still don't, really. What might look like timid is actually a strong sense of knowing what she does not want. She's always preferred to be near me (or ON me), ever since she was Emma's age! She's not into big groups or loud kids (her frequent preschool commentary: "There's too much kids") and if she's around a particularly boisterous or energetic kid, she sort of crawls into herself and, if I'm available, attaches herself to me. This goes doubly if Jack isn't around. She's braver about roller coasters and food and climbing, but not with people.
I don't NEED her to go to preschool. And now that I've had a taste of Life With Three, I don't even really feel like I WANT her to go to preschool. Not for Third Baby Survival, anyway, like I thought. Jack - yes. Having Jack home 24/7, at this point, would probably kill us both. That kid needs stuff to DO. But Molly is a lot different - easier to occupy, happier to just be around. I mean, I want her to go if SHE wants to. I SO want her to go if it's a fun exciting thing. But I don't really think it is.
And it's more than just the crying at drop off the other day. She OFTEN tells me she doesn't want to go. She often has nothing to say about it other than "there's too much kids". She's a barely-three in a class of four and five-year-olds. It's not necessary and if she tells me she doesn't want to go tomorrow morning, I won't make her go, and I'll probably call the school and take her out. (I am trying not to think about the Things They Will Think About Me, ie: what a dumb mother, kid freaks out once and she pulls her out, eye roll eye roll eye roll. SIGH.)
It's just that preschool is SO unnecessary that there really isn't any point if she's not absolutely loving it. I thought it would be fun, but I don't think it is. Or it's not fun enough. Or staying home with me would be just as fun. So why bother? We can try again next year. Or we can look into ballet lessons in January. Or try preschool again at the community center where you have to sign up again every month. Or go to the gymnastics playroom on Saturdays with her dad. OR WHATEVER. There are so many things. Not just this thing.
I try to permanent-fy my life the way I am attempting to permanent-fy my house. That's partly why this preschool schedule snafu was so distressing to me: Change! is Hard!
So we're not TOTALLY decided, but we are PRETTY MUCH decided. And I feel relieved and also stupid. I am always thinking I should have KNOWN. I should have KNOWN that such a big class would be hard for my little introvert! That just because she hangs out with her loud four-year-old brother doesn't mean she'll love hanging out with a whole bunch of loud four-year-olds who aren't her brother. This "should have known" thinking is such a THING with me. But I hate how KNOWING your things doesn't necessarily help you OUTGROW your things.
Jack, meanwhile, is going to preschool tomorrow AND he has a field trip on Thursday AND he has school again on Friday. I am pretty sure Molly will decline school tomorrow, in which case she will be treated to a fun morning of Starbucks and Pier 1 and Christmas craftiness at home when I decide I cannot spend ninety-four dollars on a Pier 1 Christmas decoration.
We will figure out what happens next after the holidays. After the Christmas party. After the Blathering launch! We certainly have enough to do right now.
And I SO wonder who Emma will be...