This is the most uncomfortable day I've had yet. PERHAPS it is due to the fact that I POSSIBLY overdid it yesterday - painting, errand-running, no nap. I mean, I have sore muscles. I can't remember the last time I had sore muscles. I meant to finish painting my kitchen while the kids were in preschool, but I ended up on the couch watching The New Girl and reading Faithful Place. (I have to give both of these a thumbs up, which is somewhat surprising re: the TV show and obvious re: the book.)
Anyway, absolutely everything hurt, and then I realized I was having BH contractions as well (I THINK, I'm still not super sure about those suckers) and then I allowed myself a few minutes to hope that maybe things were, you know, PROGRESSING. But no. I'm just Hugely Pregnant But Not ENOUGH Pregnant. So I'm sorry, I know I'm whining about this a lot suddenly. I did try to put most of my whining over at Parenting today, but it appears I still had a little bit saved up for this spot. Oops!
I also feel like pregnancy is maybe clouding my perspective and judgment on things. It's weird, you know, because I FEEL LIKE ME. Except for my intense anxiety while pregnant with Molly, I've never considered myself to be super affected by pregnancy hormones. (And at the time I wouldn't have blamed the anxiety on hormones either.) I don't get super weepy or ragey or any of the stereotypical things I hear/read about. But I'm now wondering if... well, it's either pregnancy-related stupidness/unawareness or just the fact that maybe I think I'm only suffering from the physicalness of it and not the psychologicalness... oh wow, I don't even know if that makes sense. But I still feel like I can DO anything.
FOR EXAMPLE: stand on a ladder to paint my freakishly tall walls. It's like I know I probably shouldn't do this? But I am doing it anyway, because I can, and I'm not THAT unbalanced, right? It took some imagining of what FIL would say, plus a bit of worry from my mother to make me realize that, um, yeah, won't be doing that anymore. (Sorry Phillip, I still have a couple high spots left.)
FOR EXAMPLE: intense stress and feelings of failure when I skip out on the coffee and pastries Molly's preschool kindly put out for the moms in order to foster some socializing. I mean, not that this is my thing anyway, but I REALLY DO want to get to know some of the other moms and it's not like I had anything else to do. (See: on my couch for three hours.) So here I am giving myself a really hard time for not Trying and then I remember: 8.5 months pregnant. Why WOULDN'T I prefer my couch?
FOR EXAMPLE: feeling totally overwhelmed when a handful of other parents are standing around waiting to pick up their kids from J's preschool and talking about how unimpressed they are with the teacher and the stuff their kids are bringing home. And I know it's totally obnoxious to say this about preschool, but I'm of the same mind. That said, I don't really feel like doing anything about it, and Jack seems very happy, and because of that I should probably just quit comparing this preschool to last year's. Done and done. But these other parents are, like, PLOTTING, and should I be more concerned? Should I be doing something? Am I a terrible parent because I am thinking we will just skate by for now? Then I remember: VERY PREGNANT. Please to give myself a break.
What's sad is that this is probably a Very Good Lesson for me, but I will have a new baby soon-ish and I won't remember. I might go through a spate of For Goodness' Sake, You Have A New Baby, You Cannot Be Expected To Run Three Miles Immediately sort of lessons, but chances are I won't take those to heart either. Bleargh.