I am the boss of me
Eleven years later

About to go to bed at eight

This is the most uncomfortable day I've had yet. PERHAPS it is due to the fact that I POSSIBLY overdid it yesterday - painting, errand-running, no nap. I mean, I have sore muscles. I can't remember the last time I had sore muscles. I meant to finish painting my kitchen while the kids were in preschool, but I ended up on the couch watching The New Girl and reading Faithful Place. (I have to give both of these a thumbs up, which is somewhat surprising re: the TV show and obvious re: the book.) 

Anyway, absolutely everything hurt, and then I realized I was having BH contractions as well (I THINK, I'm still not super sure about those suckers) and then I allowed myself a few minutes to hope that maybe things were, you know, PROGRESSING. But no. I'm just Hugely Pregnant But Not ENOUGH Pregnant. So I'm sorry, I know I'm whining about this a lot suddenly. I did try to put most of my whining over at Parenting today, but it appears I still had a little bit saved up for this spot. Oops! 

I also feel like pregnancy is maybe clouding my perspective and judgment on things. It's weird, you know, because I FEEL LIKE ME. Except for my intense anxiety while pregnant with Molly, I've never considered myself to be super affected by pregnancy hormones. (And at the time I wouldn't have blamed the anxiety on hormones either.) I don't get super weepy or ragey or any of the stereotypical things I hear/read about. But I'm now wondering if... well, it's either pregnancy-related stupidness/unawareness or just the fact that maybe I think I'm only suffering from the physicalness of it and not the psychologicalness... oh wow, I don't even know if that makes sense. But I still feel like I can DO anything. 

FOR EXAMPLE: stand on a ladder to paint my freakishly tall walls. It's like I know I probably shouldn't do this? But I am doing it anyway, because I can, and I'm not THAT unbalanced, right? It took some imagining of what FIL would say, plus a bit of worry from my mother to make me realize that, um, yeah, won't be doing that anymore. (Sorry Phillip, I still have a couple high spots left.) 

FOR EXAMPLE: intense stress and feelings of failure when I skip out on the coffee and pastries Molly's preschool kindly put out for the moms in order to foster some socializing. I mean, not that this is my thing anyway, but I REALLY DO want to get to know some of the other moms and it's not like I had anything else to do. (See: on my couch for three hours.) So here I am giving myself a really hard time for not Trying and then I remember: 8.5 months pregnant. Why WOULDN'T I prefer my couch?

FOR EXAMPLE: feeling totally overwhelmed when a handful of other parents are standing around waiting to pick up their kids from J's preschool and talking about how unimpressed they are with the teacher and the stuff their kids are bringing home. And I know it's totally obnoxious to say this about preschool, but I'm of the same mind. That said, I don't really feel like doing anything about it, and Jack seems very happy, and because of that I should probably just quit comparing this preschool to last year's. Done and done. But these other parents are, like, PLOTTING, and should I be more concerned? Should I be doing something? Am I a terrible parent because I am thinking we will just skate by for now? Then I remember: VERY PREGNANT. Please to give myself a break. 

What's sad is that this is probably a Very Good Lesson for me, but I will have a new baby soon-ish and I won't remember. I might go through a spate of For Goodness' Sake, You Have A New Baby, You Cannot Be Expected To Run Three Miles Immediately sort of lessons, but chances are I won't take those to heart either. Bleargh. 

 

Comments

Life of a Doctor's Wife

Argh! Yes, give yourself a break. :-(

But also! Faithful Place! I have to admit it is my least favorite of the three so far. But I still really enjoyed it and I can't WAIT for the next book to come out.

Sarah in Ottawa

I am going to have to check out New Girl, I think. I ended up watching "Revenge" last night and I dug it. It's worth a look. I have S1 and S2 of "The Good Wife" burning a hole on my laptop and I need to catch up while I DVR S3. You've not yet led me astray re. TV so I'll have to persevere.

If you want to share, I'd love more details on Jack's new preschool. What is he bringing home?

Huge hugs to you. This part of pregnancy just SUUUCKS. Third baby will be here so soon, though. Maybe she'll even share my birthday! Hopefully she'll get here even sooner, though.

Christina

Just remember, even when you are "just" lying on the couch, you are actually very busy growing a baby! That's like a huge job in and of itself and pretty much tops anything anyone else around you is doing. :)

HereWeGoAJen

Being hugely pregnant is hard. It's exhausting. I was always thinking "remember when I could breathe? And eat? That was nice." So I command you to RIGHT NOW go lie down on the couch. Maybe with a cookie.

Melissa E

So, I'm having a baby TOMORROW (not trying to rub it in), and I felt SO GUILTY for taking a nap yesterday at 4:00. I mean there are THINGS TO DO. But then I remembered-oh yes...I'm 39 weeks pregnant and naps are perfectly acceptable. It's strange how we don't give ourselves a break and our first thought it guilt. UGH!

Kelsi

Hi Maggie,
I've been reading your blog for a while now and I have to say I've gotten addicted! I love how honest and humorous you are when it comes to motherhood. I'm currently expecting my first little girl in December and I love reading about your takes on parenthood and children. That said, I have to admit I am SUPER envious of the fact that you are a SAHM. I am dying to stay home with my little one when she gets here. Right now I work full-time, and my husband and I have agreed that I can go to part-time when she gets here. However, I REALLY want to stay home FULL-TIME. I was just wondering how you and your husband make it work? Did you have to make some big sacrifices financially? Tell me your secrets, please!
P.S.- I was trying to find a way to email you with this inquiry, but I couldn't figure out how to find your email on here. So thus the comment instead.

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