Leave it to me to go somewhere awesome and come home with angst
I never figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. As much as I love being a stay at home mom, it's not at all what I wanted to Do (and it's still a surprise, quite frankly, that I'm actually doing it.) And the thought of what I'll do when all my kids are in school frightens me. Sure, I could keep staying home, if we could manage it, and get super involved in their schools and all that stuff. I might do that. But mostly I'm terrified of being thrown back in the What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up pool. I didn't figure it out the first time, and I don't feel all that hopeful for the future.
I went to Phillip's "Capstone" project presentation tonight (although I missed the presentation part). It was basically a giant science fair, with posters and snacks and the best punch I've ever had (like an orange creamsicle, only with a big splash of pineapple) and eager beavers dying to talk to you about the thing they've been working on for nine months. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but I know I didn't expect to come home and feel like such a LOSER.
(Seriously, I should be ashamed. 1) I always have to make things about me and 2) why do I always come home from the stupidest randomest things with Existential Crises and enough angst for several blog posts? Why can't I just go SUPPORT MY HUSBAND?)
AAAANYWAY, you guys, I could TOTALLY do this master's program. I've known that from the beginning, honestly. If I were to go back to school and NOT get a completely un-lucrative Master's in English, I would go to the Information School (yay UW for deciding information is a science!) and get the same degree Phillip will have. I've always been interested in his classes (most of them) and the two of us can totally geek out over things like databases and information sharing platforms. I mean, the one thing I'm really proud of from my stint in the paid workforce was building a database/event management application FROM SCRATCH and totally revamping the way a nonprofit ran its meetings and yearly fundraisers. I feel that this gives me nerd cred. Only a nerd's heart goes pitter pat at the thought of coding form buttons, right? Or redesigning her personal website every four months. Phillip's program is all about managing, streamlining, improving and quickly finding information and this little final project fair was enough to give an anal-retentive the overheated excitement vapors.
You don't HAVE to have a technical background, though it helps. I got into a conversation about Drupal with an international student who was, to my satisfaction, overly delighted that I knew what Drupal WAS, and then I found out that he didn't do the actual development himself, he just had the idea and hired out. I COULD DO THAT. Half the projects were ideas for apps - photo management, receipt management, textbook exchanges, how to find hikes and bike trails, several about finding restaurants, Phillip's included. Another chunk were dry and boring library science projects, doing a bunch of organization and cataloging for nonprofits who hadn't organized or cataloged for years. Then there were just people with neat ideas - my favorite was a girl who put a real estate staging company's artwork inventory (for rent or purchase) online, gaining better exposure for the artists and making it easier on the clients to stage their houses. Her poster was pretty awesome too.
And the guys Phillip worked with were so impressive. Their poster was one of the very best, in my obviously biased opinion, just because one the guys in his group has the right EYE for that kind of thing and the skills to match. The other guy made these awesome app screen shots that they demo'ed on their respective iPads (okay, so THERE'S a piece of the I-School crowd I find a SMIDGE obnoxious), I mean, he must have spent the last several months ear-deep in Photoshop. My adorable husband was the chatty one with the big Oh Yeah I Am Almost Done With This Crap! grin. He gave the presentation and wore the tie and didn't stop smiling the whole time I was there.
I wandered around drinking my delicious punch and thinking I could be doing this too.
I still don't know what I would DO though. I don't have professional qualifications for anything. My blog probably cancels out a whole lot of things (you know, like that one time I thought I might being a Senate staffer or something. Ha!) And I'm a SAHM and plan to be one for quite a while. I'm having a NEW baby, for goodness' sake! I will be OLD NEWS by the time my kids are in school. I mean, if I'm not updating my Facebook account NOW and still have no idea what Pinterest is, I will be COMPLETELY irrelevant in another five years.
I know, really, that I'm afraid. I do not have ambition driving me, or a desire to make a ton of cash. I'm lazy as all get out. I don't have a dream job or a passion in anything that might give me a paycheck. I just like to tinker and efficient-ize and learn stuff, preferably on my own, whether or not I'm paid well and what's the point, really? I don't have to put myself out ANYWHERE right now, and as much as these kids drive me crazy some days, they're my comfort zone. I'm in charge, I know what's what, I answer to me. To do anything else... yeah. Hmm.
Oh my gosh, I was totally just reminded of the dream I had the other night where I went to LAW SCHOOL. And that is how I will manage to end this droopy blog post on a note of HIGH HILARITY. Because: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.