To top everything off, my dryer broke. And I didn't figure it out for three days. See, sometimes our [very old] dryer needs an extra cycle to get everything dry, especially if the load is full of towels like this one. So I wasn't surprised when it wasn't dry, I just turned it back on.
But then it STILL wasn't dry. So I turned it back on again. Perhaps I thought to myself: Excellent! I CAN'T fold clothes right now!
But then it STILL wasn't dry. This time I pulled out the lint trap and oh dear, it was an inch thick. That must have been the problem. I cleaned it up and started the dryer again.
Still not dry. I started it again and put my hand in two minutes later: COLD.
Sooooo... on one hand, I don't care! I'm leaving! On the other hand, I stlil get to live here for two-ish more weeks. And I have small children. I've made arrangements to take my laundry, college student-style, to a friend's house Friday morning and after that, who knows. I may be knocking on YOUR dryer door.
(Yes I know I should call my landlord. But I don't feel like it. I will make Phillip do this when he gets home. Shut up.)
I wrote about the Catholic school open house at Parenting today. The story deserves a few more details, which I will eventually outline here, but for now I'll just say: WHO KNOWS WHAT WE WILL DO.
Jack keeps whimpering in the middle of the night - I got up three times last night just to see that he was whining in his sleep. So then I'd go back to bed and NOT sleep. I'd think about carpet or schools or the various things on our calendar that I haven't yet figured out how to accomplish and it was all very STRESSFUL. I had to keep telling myself: Self! Go to sleep! Erase the brain! Erase the brain!
Not that that ever works.
I'm skilled at putting a good face on things, and when a friend called last night to check up on me, I told her that anticipating Phillip leaving is always harder than him actually being gone. For some reason I can focus on the day to day and not get too bogged down and it's fine and he comes back and everything is better. I'm certainly doing that this time, but I also feel very aware of Everything Else. I just feel like there is an abnormal amount of STUFF going on and for this reason I have given myself permission to have either a good cry or a doughnut when I get overwhelmed. I haven't cried (YET) but I'm also sort of proud of myself for accepting the fact that things are Hard Right Now. This was a big part of figuring out my anxiety stuff - telling yourself everything is fine when things are not fine is not exactly helpful. And may lead to irrational thoughts, sleepless nights, and inadvisable blog posts.
So everything is not fine, but as soon as I accept that, I go right on to Doing It and I know things will EVENTUALLY be fine. This is a hard part and sometimes I look at websites full of sparkly jewelry so when I tell my husband he owes me I can tell him exactly WHAT he owes me.
But right now the kids are in the bath tub and we might be late for preschool and life goes on.