When my friends in the computer came to stay
Style, or, rather, my lack of it

In defense of Not Thinking About Stuff

I felt nauseous for a few weeks, miserably anxious for a few weeks more, and I've been Beyond Tired pretty much the entire time, but I think the most frustrating aspect of Third Baby thus far (well, since I got the anxiety under control) is a severe inability to PLOT. 

I feel like Plotting is one of my best and most useful skills. Especially as I'm married to someone who is easily overwhelmed by calendars and schedules. I LOVE schedules! Give me a few minutes to think by myself and I can figure out most any conflicting schedule. I can do this for a particularly busy DAY or a jam packed MONTH - I am an all purpose Plotter Extraordinaire. 

But something about Third Baby has left me exhausted, intimidated, almost defeated. Phillip will be gone for the better part of the next six weeks, and instead of lining up my dinner dates and grandparent outings and morning visits, I've opted to just Not Think About It. Especially that one week where we have a birthday, a holiday, and two rather important churchy functions. I've been sitting here making a big list of where I want all our furniture to go in the new house (the OCD needs SOME sort of outlet) but I can't let myself think too hard about how we're actually going to MOVE the furniture to the new house. 

And things that I'm usually pretty control freakish about - summer vacation plans with family, our annual weekend wth friends, the BLATHERING - I just can't go there. I mean, I want to know about it and I want to hear about it and OBVS I want my opinion in the ring, but when it comes to actually figuring out when and where and what, I shut down. Usually I'm the friend who's on everyone's case about scheduling our friends weekend, but I don't want to think that far ahead, and today when I got someone else's email about when and where and how I immediately closed it and went off to read celebrity gossip. In other words: SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. 

I'm tempted to think that we just have so much going on. All the house stuff, plus the overload of school and work, pregnant on the side, blah blah blah. But then I think about last year when I had a MUCH worse attitude about school/work and we were SELLING the house, which, honestly, was much more stressful. I was still on top of stuff. I still managed to get things done and keep it organized. So I have to think it's Third Baby turning my brain to fuzz, my anal retentive nature to something more shrug-like. 

Maybe?

Honestly I think it's a good thing. All my Plotting often makes things easier or smoother, but a lot of times it's totally unnecessary. It's nice to be happy to benefit from other people's hard work instead of wanting to be the one who plans the whole thing. I don't remember slowing down so much with Jack or Molly (honestly, I can't remember entire chunks of my Molly pregnancy) but it seems pretty obvious this time. Although it's not so much a physical slowing down as it is a mental one. More like "Oh good, someone else can fret over assigning meals that weekend" or "Possibly the world will not end if you cannot disinfect and sweep the entire kitchen before an agent shows your rental house in one hour." 

Phillip will be traveling a lot starting next week. I intend to putz around the house, packing up the inessentials, serving cereal for dinner, and spending whatever's left in our bank account shopping online for new furniture (do you want to see THAT post?!) I can't drink wine, I might as well self-medicate with overpriced Crate and Barrel couches, right?

Comments

Meghan

Maybe it's the meds working. Glad to hear you are letting it go. Congrats on the new house, it's an exciting time and you were very blessed to get on the good side of a real estate deal just now. You all played that like geniuses!

Maggie

When I was pregnant and in my 2nd and 3rd trimester, my "relaxed" hormones kicked in. It sounds a lot like this. Nothing really phased me, and I felt ver(rrr)y low-key and non-stressed. I wish I was like that all the time ;-) Whatever it is, I hope you enjoy it! Congrats on all the good stuff happening in your life.

Heather

That sounds a lot like my third pregnancy. Though it may just be a bit of the calm down (good thing) from finding a house, buying it and that one huge stress being over. Good luck, and yes furniture is always good.

Sarahd

Welcome to the world of the people who just let sh@# happen to them, rather than MAKING it all happen. I've been drifting over to that dark side a lot more often lately and I have to say: I like it! (In smallish doses, anyway.)

Life of a Doctor's Wife

I love how you call yourself a "Plotter" instead of a "Planner." Seems to be an important distinction!

And YES I want to see furniture posts. I love dreaming about all the beautiful furniture we will likely never have.

Carrie

I don't know if this even remotely applies, but I was talking to my therapist yesterday about my need to be doing and making lists and always be busy, and she said sometimes depression or tiredness or brain slowing down is just the brain stepping in and forcing us to rest for a bit. That really helped me- again, don't know if it is relevant to you, but thought I'd mention it.

That being said, please let me know if you need anything, ever. I'm around and I have been keeping the car a lot and I'm always happy to help out or entertain!

And please post furniture posts! Love drooling over furniture!

Christiana

I hear you. I think I got through the bulk of my own second pregnancy by letting life happen instead of planning it out. We didn't do as much, but I handled it and we all survived. I'm not as organized as you are, by any means, but I usually have big things planned out and I try and do things out of the house, etc. This summer, with the back wall torn off my house and no room for the baby's clothes, let alone for HIM, I just... kind of let it all happen.

The comments to this entry are closed.