This morning my sister called to ask if she could come over and use the treadmill, and oh yes, she would sit in the house with a quiet timing Jack and a napping Molly so I could use the treadmill too. In other words, there was no excuse not to exercise today.
The wireless wasn't working in the garage, so I was forced to trade Hulu for copious amounts of Glee and Ke$ha and Taylor Swift on the iPod, and wow have I missed running. Wait. Not the physical part of running, I'm talking about the mentally zoning out part of running. I even ran past my usual cut off point, that's how awesome I felt.
And then I did not fall asleep with a book this afternoon, which is the first time in, ah, many afternoons.
While I was running I was realizing just how much my routine - my LIFE - has changed since Jack stopped napping. I suppose that sounds extra super melodramatic, but for a while I had things figured out. I DID! I had two excellent nappers (as long as they weren't in the same room) and I could get in my half hour of exercise AND write or read or avoid chores, whatever I felt like doing. Nap time was MY TIME, and once I got into the habit of exercising at the beginning and eating lunch/playing around afterwards, I never felt tired, not really. And I wrote so much! I usually got at least two hours out of those kids and it was awesome.
Then Jack started not napping. And I started not exercising. Ugh.
It happened slowly. As you know, I spent a long time trying to get Jack to keep taking a nap. I'd have him down, be halfway through a Shred and he'd start whining. It was so frustrating. I know some people exercise WITH their kids, but I tried that a few times and no way. The one and only motivating factor for me is ALONE TIME. See: zoning out while running. Even if Jack stayed awake upstairs, I was constantly worried about him interrupting me or needing something or being loud and waking up his sister and I just didn't feel like I could "let go" and let Jillian yell at me. Let alone disappear into the detached garage for a run.
For a while I tried running at night, especially when I was so anxious earlier this fall. That was okay for a while, but after I started to feel better, I managed to find any number of excuses not to exercise. Too tired, too sick, too cold, too busy. I've gained weight, which is annoying, but not horrible because I know how to take it off. This time I'm experimenting with the LoseIt app. I decided I didn't like being restrained by low carb, and I didn't want to pay for Weight Watchers. So far so good (and I've even convinced Phillip to try it with me! HA!) (Anyone want to be my "Friend"?)
But I knew falling asleep every afternoon was due to my activity level (nonexistent) and I hate that, and I hate that I still feel so far away from my writing projects and you know what helps with that? Exercise. Specifically: running.
I have to figure out how to start doing this again, guys. And it will be hard, because I'm not willing to completely rearrange my life or change too many priorities. I'm not training for anything, I'm not out to lose the baby weight, I'm not trying to fit in smaller clothes - I want to do just enough. And Jack does not nap, period. He plays his computer, he does puzzles, he asks for snacks and water and help with the potty, he colors and paints. Now that we have some sort of nap time routine I think I CAN go downstairs and do a Shred without having to think about him. He knows that he's mostly on his own while Molly naps and rarely whines or begs (at the beginning of quiet time, anyway!) So that's a possibility. But I am not leaving the house to run in the garage, obviously.
I am hopeful that I can talk myself into running in the evenings again, but even that isn't a surefire thing. Like next week when Phillip is away - HE thinks it's fine to leave the kids sleeping in the house while I'm in the garage 10 feet away. I do have baby monitors. But I don't know. I just don't LIKE that.
But I also have a sister with a strange work schedule who wants to use my treadmill, and if she keeps bargaining to use it with free babysitting, that would be awesome.
I think I'm just going to have to wing it for a while. I still don't really know how to do this no nap thing -seriously, sometimes I just wish Molly would give up HER nap already so we can go DO something - but my run today made all the difference. I don't know why I have to keep REMINDING MYSELF that running = BETTER. So much better.
P.S. Thanks for all your very flattering, very kind, oh-my-gosh-I-am-mortified compliments. I also have to add to my Lurker Theory, which now states: To bring out the lurkers on one's website, one must 1) announce a pregnancy 2) give birth 3) drastically cut one's hair.
P.P.S. In case you were wondering, the stretchy headband I used to keep my hair out of my face on the treadmill today was TRULY a style nightmare.