I've submitted my resignation
Seven Bursts of Random

General State of Blah-ness

I've already dissected today's main event for Parenting (tomorrow). I liveblogged it, even (and delay posted). In summary: it's tough being three. AND IT'S TOUGHER PARENTING A THREE-YEAR-OLD. There. I said it. Also! I need to be sent to Remedial Mom School because some of the threats I leveled at Jack this afternoon were, at best, on a three-year-old level. So. No gold stars for me. 

But there are cookies! See, a week or so ago I got this super duper heavy package in the mail from Annie, who I met In Person at the Blathering last year (gratuitous Blathering registration linkage!). Inside was this cute little wall hanging that weighed about three ounces, and the rest of the package was a giant, and I do mean GIANT, sack of flour, sugar and chocolate chips. With instructions. And the instructions said: Add 4 eggs. Also a pound of butter. 

Did you get that? A pound of butter?

I have been baking these cookies for about two hours now. THAT'S HOW MANY COOKIES. Some of these are definitely headed to Phillip's work and heads up if you know me in person: I'm about to send a pound of butter your way!

It makes me very glad I decided to make these this afternoon, since I already got my Yearly Doctor Visit out of the way this morning. And you KNOW I closed my eyes when I stepped on that electronic scale (wearing a long sweater, post-breakfast, post-post-breakfast-snack). I am not up for discussing Body Image today folks, suffice to say all indicators are looking dismal. 

THAT SAID. My doctor is an absolute DOLL. I mean, she's a happy cheery gal to begin with, as evidenced by the nonstop chatter (which ordinarily bugs me, but sure takes my mind off Doctor Visit Unpleasantness) AND she will answer your questions forever and a day. Also, she is in a new office and I don't have to deal with the Nurse I Suspect Is Really A Disgruntled Man. (Anyone remember her?) 

But then I started complaining about how I have lost and gained my Selling The House Weight about fifteen times in the last couple months and woe is me and I cannot possibly go on with my life and she says, "Why are you worried about THAT? You look GREAT!" 

If I'd been in proper clothing I might have plastered her with a nice sloppy kiss. Even though the last time she saw me was six weeks postpartum. I BETTER look great.

THEN she started talking about all these OTHER things it could be and I kept saying, "But it's probably the cookies" and she would say, "But wouldn't it be nice if it were your thyroid?"

I mean, not that it would be REALLY nice but that's exactly the sort of thing you want to hear when you are in the midst of Body Image Woes, am I right? I must also remind you that this is the woman who said not one single word to me about weight gain when I was pregnant with Molly, when I gained Six. Tee. Pounds. 

ANYWAY. I said I wasn't going to talk about this. It makes me unhappy. MOVING ON.

Other Things I Am Feeling Sort Of Bad About:

I think I was supposed to vote. Well, the ballot is sitting here on my desk, so that's a clear indication. And now I am reading Twitter updates about voting and it occurs to me that I have missed the deadline and you GUYS. I am ordinarily SUCH a Model Citizen! I don't even know what's ON the ballot!

I'm reading all these BlogHer recap posts and it appears there was no drama, which I find mildly disappointing since I was looking forward to reading about it. (WHAT?) (In this case, the 'You're just jealous!" accusation totally applies.)

My garden. OH MY GARDEN. All the green tomatoes. The weeds. The money I spent FOR NAUGHT. I might get a few zucchini if I'm lucky, and usually I have more zucchini than I know what to do with. The pumpkin I planted for the kids is growing. Sure, the one thing I had no intention of EATING.

That I have no idea if I've missed a third Mad Men episode or if it hasn't yet aired. My TV cred is swirling down the drain. 

My hair. It's getting really long. And I don't have thick luscious hair either. Hmm. What are your thoughts on Thirty-One-Year-Old Mothers With Really Long Hair. I think I have this idea that Moms should have shortish bouncy hair and dudes, I would chop it all off if I thought I had ANY hope of bouncy hair. But I don't, so I'm AFRAID.

OMG! I just heard a woman in the backyard next to mine say, "I love your hair." I SWEAR! I mean, I know she was saying it to someone else, BUT STILL! A SIGN?!

Comments

CoffeeJitters (Judy Haley)

i could use a pound of butter cookie goodness after the day I've been having - but there's no way I'm getting my ass off the couch to actually make them. so if you want to send me any leftovers...

lindsay

this was a fantab post. I am guilty of wondering/hoping I have a thyroid problem. Your doc sounds awesome. (insert disclaimer that of course thyroid problems for reals are not cool). as for hair, i have no idea....i feel like at 27 i finally got hair under control, and am hoping to have makeup figured out by thirties i guess. Good luck! ps...i had awesome weigh in today only to send husband out in pursuit of cookies and starbucks frappacino AND I was all 'don't eat any of my whipped cream' as he went out the door. direct quote. So I hardly figure my problem is related to the thyroid. this weight business....blech.

Manda

You can always send the pregnant lady cookies. The pregnant lady likes cookies.

Elizabeth

I always feel like a total loser for short mom hair, and feel like I am supposed to gain cred via long flowing hair. So basically the world is full of moms feeling bad about their hair no matter what it looks like.

Christiana

So is she sending you for the thyroid tests or are you just saying "it's the cookies" and moving on? Just curious.

I recently read a book about some 30-yr-olds who were fairly trendy going back home to their midwestern town and noting that their childhood best friend (married, having a baby) still had the same haircut as high school... and then they described my hairstyle. Oops. I think I'm going to have to find some expensive, creative hairstylist to do me over after the baby comes... but I want it long enough to pull into a ponytail for now...

But! I think the most functional hair is the long hair that you can pull into a ponytail, a bun, hair clips, etc. So I can't imagine that there is anything wrong w/ your hair.

(And I'm w/ Manda, you can always send the pregnant lady cookies.) :)

Christina

Oh ack, Parenting makes you sign in. Did they always do that? Because I could swear they didn't and if they did I have no idea what name/password I used. All this new technology, it baffles me so.
What I was going to say was YAY YOU. For hanging tough and getting Jackson to clean up. In situations like that I always think, "If I was a good (Mary Poppins-ish) Mother, I would sweetly say to him, "Let's clean this up together!" and say wonderful encouraging things as he cleaned up all the puzzles. ... but most of the time, I opt for your method. Partly because I think maybe the sweet method would actually feel like a reward and then my kid would go dump all the puzzles again the next day, and partly because I am very stubborn. Anyway, Go You. Hopefully that is one battle you won't have to repeat today. :)

Sarahd

I think 31 year-old mothers with long hair are HAWT! (But I might be biased because I was one for all of last year.) I just don't ever want to end up an old lady with that same Golden Girls hair cut all old ladies seems to have, you know? So I am holding on to the hair for as long as I can wash it myself!

Elsha

Post pictures of yourself with long hair and short (or shorter) hair and let us vote!

Hillary

I love short hair, but then I get bored and worried that I have MOM hair. Bad mom hair. So, then I grow it out until I get bored and worried that I look unprofessional and like I'm desperately trying to be a teenager.

I am in the latter stage now, but toughing it out because I want to donate it again.

HereWeGoAJen

See, I have that same thought about moms having short hair. And I have totally gotten to the root of it and figured out why I think that. Because my mom had (has) short hair! I know! The psychology behind this is amazing.

Anyway, I have long hair and I haven't gotten it cut in a year. Blah. See, I went and got a real haircut for $60 (SIXTY DOLLARS) and it looked SO good that I know am a haircut snob and will only get $60 haircuts. But $60 is a lot of money, so instead I am just not getting my haircut. It's not really a good plan. But I think my point is, yes, have long hair, but get a good haircut. Maybe more often than me.

HE

Yay for cookies! Oh - and I found a little ukelele on the playroom floor this morning that I have a sneaking suspicion belongs on that ABC thing. So...sorry 'bout the missing "U". xoxo

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