You know what's hot? Sending your husband out for... how shall I put this on a Family Website?... FOOD POISONING COMBATANTS on your actual anniversary day. HOT. I should be out with friends right now (isn't that how you celebrate YOUR actual anniversary day?) but no, instead I am wearing bright blue pajama pants and my volleyball team t-shirt and running to the bathroom on ten-minute intervals. So why not write a blog post in between! YOU ARE WELCOME!
I am blaming Orange Julius. I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary today - toast, granola bars, my kids' lunch leftovers and my mother-in-law's stirfry dinner - EXCEPT for the random strawberry banana Orange Julius to which I treated myself at the mall in my in-laws' town this afternoon. This is a horrible mall, you guys. For one thing, it used to be carpeted. I don't know why that squicks me out so bad BUT IT DOES. For another, there is not one single store I want to shop at, with the exception of a Target that they sort of plunked down at the end of the mall. Obvs I needed a treat. And since I usually have to SHARE my Orange Julius with someone who shall rename nameless but is currently out buying embarrassing supplies at the grocery store, I was excited to have one all to myself. OH THE STUPIDITY!
Oh, and can I just say that my kids were a full on NIGHTMARE today? DEAR GOD. They stayed with Grandma and Grandpa Sunday night (those would be my parents) and when I picked them up this morning we drove directly to Nai Nai and Ye Ye's house (those would be Phillip's parents) because we always see them on Mondays. With the exception of some not-wanting-to-go-to-bed and a brand new baby monitor that mysteriously transmits a late-night Spanish language radio program, my parents said the children were angels which is what they ALWAYS say.
Of course, they were shocking little BEASTS at Nai Nai and Ye Ye's house. Well, I wasn't around for the first couple hours, as I was running errands and cheerfully slurping up an elixir of Your Evening Plans Are Good And Ruined at the mall, and then when I got back both kids and both grandparents were playing outside. Which means I got to read my new book, totally unawares of a future involving 1) beasts and 2) impressive and near-instant weight loss.
But later on Jack was out of control. Like, CRRRRAZY. This kid is a master manipulator, Internet, and as soon as I had him corralled on one issue he was well on his way to another. Luckily for him he has a mother who is constantly second guessing herself which means he has puh-LENTY of time to formulate his next round of misbehavior. He pitched himself off a chair today, Internet. LANDED ON HIS HEAD. Wouldn't eat. Wouldn't sit down. Was going to whine us all to DEATH. And the whole time I kept telling myself to cool down, because OBVS he was tired. Right? Right? (He IMMEDIATELY fell asleep in the car when we left, so yes, I was right, but I still think he deserved an hour or two in solitary confinement with a large block of ice for a chair.)
And MOLLY. You guys, ever since we got back from Hawaii she has been super glued to my midsection. Sometimes I can pry her off and get her happy with someone else and she forgets. But the minute she sees me it's MAAWWWWMEEEE! MAWWWWWMMEEEEE! and too bad if I want to get anything done that day! This is also our baby who has always gone to sleep by herself, never needed the drawn out routines that her brother must have every night, even ASKS for bed and practically DIVES into it. But ever since our trip we are having the hardest time getting her to bed at night. She whines and whines and we hold her because CIO was never the answer with her. It takes FOREEEEEVER. We would like the pre-Hawaii Molly back, please.
Right now my husband, after putting the children to bed and fetching my "supplies", is taking all the garbage out. SAINT. Would you like more evidence? He bought me the cutest little bag for our anniversary - I can't find a picture of it online, but visualize this in blue. And the Bare Escentuals eye makeup kit was inside it because he read about it ON MY BLAWG. Romantic Sigh. And guess what I gave him? NOTHING! WIFE FAIL! No! Wait! I gave him Dealing With Everything While The Other Parent Runs To The Bathroom!
This is, quite possibly, the lamest post I have ever EVER written. And that would be saying something. THE END.