Most likely to succeed

Oh man you guys. I know I'm venturing into First World Problems Happening To Spoiled Has Everything She Could Ever Ask For Annoying Even SHE Can't Believe She's Writing About It Blogger territory here, but SERIOUSLY. I feel like every day has delivered some sort of delicious oh-please-sir-can-I-have-some-more? emotional beating and I want a break. Smothered in hot fudge, preferably. 

It's not really the mom stuff either. Some of it is my utter impotency when it comes to managing my two-year-old (and if one more person wants to delightedly tell me how three is ten times worse, I will take my sinkful of dirty dishes and chuck it at that person's head.) Some of it is not having any idea what is up with him this last week or two. And yes, some of it comes from the fact that it takes half an hour just to get READY to walk out the door and someone always poops after I've got her coat and shoes on, MOLLY. So sure, the mom stuff isn't exactly a cakewalk lately. 

But I feel like I've had all these Irritating Situations pop up this week, requiring me to act like a Grown Up. And not, like, Take Responsibility kind of grown upness, but Sticking Up For Yourself grown upness and Fixing Stuff and Advocating and Knowing What's What. I mean, I don't want to talk on the phone with my FRIENDS. Don't tell me I have to explain an issue over the phone with my DENTIST. HORRORS.

I don't want to call the dentist or the real estate agent or the doctor. I don't want to confront anyone or manage any situation or cause a fuss. Why am I so concerned about all of these people LIKING me? Why am I worried about how I'll come off when I ask a simple question to which I most certainly deserve an answer? Why is it so hard for me to ask for what is mine? Why am I worried about their impression of ME when THEY are the ones who need to sell THEMSELVES? 

GAH!

Okay, and maybe it's the mom stuff too. We took the kids up to bed at seven and at nearly nine they are still griping and whining. I've already made myself hoarse with shouting, I've already moved them into separate rooms, what else can I do? At this point I'd settle for Quiet. 

They are both sick, which is lovely. 

When I met my old boss for lunch yesterday he kept wanting to know What I Do and it's always a little intimidating talking about this with him, since I always get the feeling he is not so impressed with my stay-at-home-ness. He knows Important People and his wife knows Really Important People and the man can namedrop all day long and am I looking for part time work? and he can hook me up whenever I want and hmm, that kind of writing doesn't sound like REAL writing and am I SURE I'm not interested in this contract gig for so and so? It's fun, you know, and when I worked for him I was fresh out of college and it was just him and me and his dog in the office and it's a little like your dad worrying if you can pay the rent that month and if your boyfriend is treating you nice and all that. So I love him, I do, and I appreciate the fact that if I DID need to find a job he would bend over backwards to help me out. But I don't want one. Not right now.

THAT SAID. I wipe noses. My husband just told me that he might have class two other nights a week next quarter. I've bitten off all my nails. I get a stomachache before I have to call the dentist to tell them they did something wrong. I can't figure out what's up with my kid. I eat everything remotely sugary in my house, and can't motivate myself to exercise in the afternoons. I told him I wrote a novel, but I haven't, really, and lately I'm embarrassed every time I look at it. This writing ISN'T real writing, is it? And I think I'm just feeling like I need to succeed at something here pretty soon. I think right now I will succeed at finishing off this bag of chocolate chips. 

Comments

[A'Dell]

You know, I feel like I am DROWNING in first world problems.

The house crap? Is driving me insane.

The work thing? They want me to take on more hours (and PAY me for it). But I'm not interested and I'm getting a lot of heat.

And these two things - where I live and where I work - are pretty important and having them both be screwed up at the same time makes me want to walk to Amarillo and sit in a lawn chair all day just to avoid it.

I get it.

[Tracy]

FWIW... some kids start "three" early. While they are still two. My eldest was "three" from age 2.5 to age 3.5. So it probably won't get worse. Jack will be 3 in May, right? It has probably already started.

and now that I've written that, it doesn't sound as helpful as I thought it would. Gee, sorry, your kid is already exhibiting "three" behavior...

Hang in there. It's February. February is ALWAYS the worst month of the year. At least that's my opinion.

[Jess]

Ugh, I know the feeling, when you have to do Stuff but it takes everything you've got just to deal with the daily minutiae and taking care of actual Things and calling People is just beyond the realm of possibility. I hope it gets better soon! It's always darkest before the dawn? Or something?

[Jessica]

I like what Tracy said. It must be February thats getting us all down. I, too, am having a horrible month. I work part-time and honestly, its a good arrangement, but I desperately just want to be home with my baby. I don't know why its been bothering me so much more the last few weeks. Maybe all we need is SPRING!!! It won't make all the 'situations' better, buy maybe it will take our minds off it for a little while:)

[Jessica]

I meant to say "BUT, maybe it will take our minds off it"...not buy

[Julie]

Well, I feel like I have sort of that same mentality that you do..always wanting people to like me..avoiding confrontation at ANY cost, not wanting to call the dentist to tell them they did something wrong and advocating for myself, etc. :) And I have figured out a little trick that works for me, maybe it could work for you too. I pretend that I am not advocating for myself or my family (meaning something or someone personally related to me), but instead I act like it's my job. I have a regular office day job and I have ZERO problem calling people up and demanding this, or arguing that, etc. And it's because I feel like since it is my job to do so, and I am responsible for getting the best deal for my company, it doesn't actually reflect on ME. So...I try to go for that mindset for personal situations as well, and it usually helps! I guess it all goes back the old "The Godfather" quote. "It's not personal. It's business."

Anywho...thought I would share my trick in hopes that it could help you out!

Julie

[Sarah]

I just wanted to commiserate that when my son is sick, he acts like he is possessed. Ugh. Also, I realized lately I've been slacking on my Vitamin D, and in my (scanty) research lac of Vit D can make you feel tired and moody. I think you've talked about this before, but if you haven't been taking it regularly, I would start again. Of course, as previous posters pointed out, it's FEBRUARY - the month of doom and gloom.

[HereWeGoAJen]

Ack, I know the feeling. I got soooooooo tired of dealing with insurance company problems a while ago that I called my mommy and asked her to do it for me. (And she's a nice mom, so she did.) Want to trade annoying phone calls? Maybe if I do yours and you do mine, they won't seem so bad.

[Christiana]

Sweetie, this is as real as it gets. Now, if you are asking is this "paid" writing, then, obviously the answer is no (though you do have a little of that elsewhere, of course) and you DID write a novel, you're just not happy with your first attempt, so you're not pursuing it's publishing. BUT! You are a writer. And for a starved-for-comraderie person such as myself, it IS important (do you know how many times a week I pull up your page just praying that you posted and I can take the next few minutes to read your blog of the day and feel that relief that someone out there gets it?)

So don't be knocking my Maggie like that. :)

[Amy --- Just A Titch]

It makes me sad that what you do doesn't feel real to you, Maggie. Because you're doing Mom Stuff, which is the most important investment you can make, and you're writing (there's no fake writing) and while it may not be a rose garden, the things you do make a difference.

Also: I HATE BEING A GROWN-UP. I hate phone calls and bills and the dentist and paying things I don't want to and UGH, it just sucks sucks sucks.

[Gina Davis]

Mom-land and adulthood definitely have their moments. I’ll think I have everything under control, life is just as it should be, and then I suddenly hate all the dinners I cook, can’t make a new recipe if my life depended on it, everyone is sick, the pharmacist takes over 2 hours and is an IDIOT, and my son suddenly starts biting his best friend. Where the heck did that come from? Biting at three!!! FYI- apparently a sticker chart for everyday he doesn’t bite or torture his best friend works. Did I mention I HATE the grocery store. I would do anything for groceries to magically appear in my fridge and while they’re at it they should whip up dinner and start the laundry, and vacuum the stairs.

[Kate P]

Hoo boy, sounds like growing pains--all around. Hang in there, Maggie. Tell the Blessed Mother your problems and she'll help you get through.

[Annie]

I've had a blog post brewing for a while now about this very thing - about the Mom Thing and the Real Stuff. One of these days I'll get it in writing. Yes, you ARE on the edge of your seat.

That said. Maybe you'll get lucky with 3. Age 2 was a total breeze for us, to the point where we were lifting up our haughty noses and laughing at the idea of the terrible twos. And then SLAM. BUT...if two really is terrible in your house, then maybe you will have paid your terrible dues with the terrible twos and three will be simply lovely. You know. Maybe. And hopefully. xoxo

[Linda]

Who told you age 3 was way worse than 2?

There is no such thing as worse than 2.

The end.