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In which I do not exaggerate, not even a little bit

I intended to stuff the kids into the double stroller after their naps and drag them to the Asian grocery store up the street, but of course it was pouring. So we drove instead, and I felt silly bringing the three of us and our car to the store for a bottle of hoisin sauce and a tiny nub of ginger, but there you go. Both of those things are outrageously expensive at Safeway whereas they are dirt cheap at the Asian grocery store. Whatever. 

(Oh, and I was buying them because I am trying to make New Recipes and the glazed pork loin I made tonight wasn't half bad, if you don't count the facts that 1) I didn't cook it long enough and had to microwave the middle pieces and 2) I don't like pork.) 

Anyway. We walked into the store and were immediately confronted with red and gold tackiness because hello, it is Chinese New Year. OH RIGHT. 

*********EXCEPTIONALLY LARGE TANGENT ALERT!

Okay, at this point the post was going to veer off into a nice multicultural discussion of Chinese New Year and our previous celebrations, but I'm going to skip all that in favor of telling you what I have been doing in between every paragraph. Ready?

I took the kids upstairs at seven and had them in bed by seven-thirtyish. Phillip has been downstairs since seven doing school stuff. WHATEVER. 

There was jumping and giggling and the usual Not Going To Sleepness. I went upstairs a time or two to Instill The Fear Of God. Then I hear Jack saying, "I have to go PAAAAAAHTTY. I have to go PAAAAAAHTTY." So I run up there and yes, he HAD to go potty, but he went in his pants. LOVELY. 

I clean that up. 

Next I go up there because they are OUT OF CONTROL and I have HAD IT and they are now going to REGRET IT. And they do. Much howling, wailing, gnashing of teeth. I take a breather in my bedroom because: DUDE. This sucks.

I go downstairs. More crying. I am immune. Then Jack starts saying, "I have a runny NOSE! I have a runny NOSE!" in this awful sing songy voice and I run up there because, well, runny noses are lame and if I don't wipe it he's going to get snot everywhere etc. So I run up there and guess what - SOMETHING STINKS. And its name is Molly. 

So I clean that up. That involves turning on lights, removing the offender from her bed, additional actions that completely cancel out my Mean Mommy act from a few moments earlier. But what am I going to do? I HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP. But I am not nice about it. 

I go downstairs. They jump and giggle, like they think I CAN'T HEAR THEM. What is UP, Children?! I decide to ignore them. My mother calls. I whine. I whine A LOT. I decide that it's nearly nine, I better go yell at them again. Or move Molly into my room. Or something, because this is ridiculous.

So I go up there and something stinks AGAIN. Jack went potty in his pants AGAIN. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. 

Aaaaand I lose it. I LOST IT. My throat hurts, I am furious, and Phillip just came upstairs asking me what's going on and I can't even TELL him because I am THAT DONE. 

He is up there right now putting Molly in the pack 'n play. 

I suppose this could be the point where I tell you that tonight we got out our calculators and decided we COULD sell our house. Why I am not immediately over the moon over the fact that I could have two separate bedrooms in which to confine and isolate and imprison my children I have NO IDEA. After tonight I should be JUMPING UP AND DOWN. Obviously I am too wiped to think straight.

Okay, so what this post was REALLY about was how Jack wanted to buy stuff at the store and so did I, since buying stuff makes me feel better. So we bought stuff. We bought all sorts of little Asian grocery store treats and we will send them to a Randomly Chosen Blog Commenter. Mostly good stuff. I couldn't help myself on certain items, but I did refrain from purchasing the dried wasabi anchovies. You're welcome. 

So! Happy Chinese New Year! I would like a red envelope full of Goes To Bed Without A Problem! 

Comments

Carrie

Hang in there- it has to get better, right!

And, Happy Chinese New Year!

Sarah in Ottawa

I am sorry that it is such a struggle right now. February is such a grinding month...and Lent starts soon. BUT! The days are getting longer (I left the house to catch my bus at 6:50 and the sky was getting bright already. Huzzah!) and spring is approaching. YEAH!

Praying for you guys...

Emily in IL

wow. just - wow.

I pray that you can find your dream house in your dream location soon! I know it won't solve ALL the problems, but hopefully it will at least help with the sleeping issues.

Ashley

Ick. My son has the talent of pooping immediately AFTER falling asleep, so when I go to check on him later, I have to WAKE HIM UP to change him. His timing is also impeccable when it comes to pooping in the bathtub. Ick, ick, ick.

Happy Chinese New Year to the Cheungs! May your red envelope be stuffed with plenty o' sleep!

Salome Ellen

Sigh. I feel for you. If I win, eat the Pocky YOURSELF!

And may your New Year be happy!

Tara

Oy.

I forget the deal with the office being off limits for baby sleeping...? We ended up turning ours into a bedroom, but it works well with our house set up, which I know is not always the case. I'm all about kids sharing rooms, but I CAN'T IMAGINE putting mine in the same room to sleep at this age!!

Sad was the day that I aged out of the system for receiving red envelopes from my relatives (at Christmas). Sniff.

Christiana

Man, this week kinda sucks for everyone, huh? I have a husband-out-of-town who is snowed in and can't do what he was sent to do, a kid who is sick (first ear infection - joy!) and now, I'm not going to get to go to MOPs tomorrow because of previously mentioned sick child. She alternates between being incredibly slingy and snuggly and being a BRAT. Isn't this FUN?

Hope your week gets better.

Elizabeth

So wait, you are selling your house?
Does this mean you get to obsessively refresh Redfin again?

HereWeGoAJen

Ah, those days absolutely suck. Those are the days when we end up with Chinese takeout. Sometimes in the middle of the night (okay, like nine pm).

I hope writing about it made it go away. That usually helps me.

morgan s.

Maggie - I think that is hilarious that they giggle and are full of shenanigans together in thier room. Them having fun together has to be one of the most heartwarming sounds. HOWEVER - that is all fine and dandy for me to think fondly of from 200 miles away, where my children have NO HOPE of sleeping in the same room. And that is why my 20-month old JUST LAST WEEKEND moved out of the pack and play in our room and into her sister's old crib in the guest room/office in a display of Abandon Hope All Ye Who Wish Thier 3 Year Old Would Just BE QUIET AT NIGHT So They Can Share A Room, Dammit.

Post-bedtime pooping is SO ANNOYING.

The End.

Jess

Oh, SO FRUSTRATING. Did he have those accidents ON PURPOSE somehow, to get you back in there? I mean, ARGH.

Sarah

I feel your frustration! Most nights it takes AT LEAST an hour and a half to get our boy to bed and then it's like 10 p.m. and I have no time to watch TV, which I LOVE and I barely have time to shower before he's UP again. And he's 15 months old!! They will sleep soon. I just keep telling myself that! Good luck with your house!

Shelby

Some friends of ours went through this exact same stage with their kids - sharing a room, kids more interested in playing than sleeping, etc. I wish I had advice to share, but it seemed like they just endured it, and eventually it got better. The kids are 4 and 5 now, still sleeping in the same room, and no longer driving their parents 'round the bend (it hasn't taken UNTIL now, btw - it's been better for about a year?).

Jen @ The Short Years

Pooping after they are supposed to be down and out for the night is a bummer. But have you experienced the joy of poop in the bathtub? My youngest does that all the time and it's the most disgusting thing ever. My other kids, maybe like once. The youngest...does she actually *like* going in the water or what? I don't get it.

Kate P

Dried wasabi anchovies sound as if they could give EVERYBODY a runny nose.

I hope that was just one lousy day in the middle of a number of good ones, and you have far more good ones than bad in the New Year.

janey

Okay, so I'm sure any suggestion right now may make you want to revoke my commenting rights, and you've probably already thought of why this won't work. But, would stringing up a curtain between them help? They would obviously still be able to hear each other (thus waking each other up), but they wouldn't be able to see each other, which might make them less likely to play with each other at bed time.

Carolyn

Gong shi fa tsai!

Please don't pick me to win your red envelope of awesomeness, as 1) shipping to Taiwan is super expensive and 2) I have all the squid-flavored treats (and delicious sun/mooncakes) a girl could want. But I wanted to say that I hope the year of the tiger is an auspicious year for your family and that you are celebrating next year in a new house!

-R_

I do not know what to do about baby discipline. Right now I basically give him almost whatever he wants. Not good, I know.

Lisa

Gah! Now imagine that, except with big kid beds instead of cribs. See what you have to look forward to...?

Christy

Oh my. Is there a way I can keep my 2-month old from aging? Or at least, not aging once he can sleep through the night?

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