Monday filler, and entirely too much facial hair
Ghost of Motherhood Future

A real writer

I met a friend at a snooty Capitol Hill cafe yesterday, the kind of cafe where the baristas go to special barista camp and enter fancy espresso shot pulling contests and blah blah Seattle coffee snobbishness. Anyway, the coffee was pretty good, and my friend was late and I sat in a corner spying on the other coffee drinkers, all of whom sat staring down their Apple laptops. I thought, "If I were 1) not a mom and 2) not married and 3) lived in this hipster part of town I would 4) totally hang out here all day with my brand-appropriate laptop listening to 5) the right kind of music and 6) pounding out my various masterpieces." 

Then my friend showed up and made a semi-snarky comment about all the hipster kids and their laptops. I would have taken offense if I resembled anything CLOSE to a hipster kid with a Mac, but instead I mumbled something about how I thought it was kind of awesome and, you know, I have spent entire mornings and afternoons with my Dell laptop in the mall Panera, which is not the same thing, but CLOSE. 

The kids stayed overnight with their grandparents last night (AGAIN) (SPOILED!) and Phillip and I had a marvelous day. This has to do, mainly, with the sun being out for the first time since, oh, SEPTEMBER and how I went for actual honest-to-goodness run and in the afternoon we saw Sherlock Holmes, which I loved, because I have loved Robert Downey Jr. since he was in the movie with the ghosts and singing 'Walk Like A Man' in the bathroom. 

But it was also marvelous because I sat on the couch all morning - in precisely the same spot I'm sitting in right now - rewriting the beginning of my "novel". I don't need no hipster cafe! 

It's sort of weird to get such a rush, such an alive-ness feeling, from doing something that may, ultimately, have no point. On the way to the movie I was telling Phillip how accomplished I felt - I figured out a few awkward moments, cleaned up a lot of extraneous stuff, moved some scenes around. I got stuff done! I had this renewed vigor for my Project and Phillip was awesome and on board and then that sneaking less-than feeling crept in, as it does, because what am I doing? What is this for? I'm not even good at it.

It's almost as bad as blogging, you know. I'm sure you've read Amalah's post - I hate that question too. What DO you do? I write, but I never tell people that I write. I mean, I am not A Writer. Writers are, like, REAL writers. They write a million different things, they write all the time, they get PAID. And it's true, I am paid here and there, but oh God, I am not a WRITER. I am merely a desperately-hoping-to-be-so-one-day-wannabe-writer. And I am not telling anyone THAT. 

(And I did not just write all that so you, The Lovely Internet, will write back to say, "YES YOU ARE!" Oh, I am on to you, Internet!)

So anyway. I am not telling anyone. (Well, except for you, of course.) But that's what I want to do. And be. And mornings like this morning make me realize that YES. I have found my place. It is just very poor, has bad lighting, gives you carpal tunnel and requires a diet of chocolate chips and wine.

Comments

Carolyn

Heart and Souls (the Robert Downey Jr. movie with him singing with the ghosts) is one of my ALL TIME favorite movies.

LOVE it!

C @ Kid Things

Your parents can come take my kids for a few days if they're in need of people to grandparent over. I'm just sayin...

Jess

Even if your novel never gets published (though I think/hope that it will), I don't think it could be said that it had no point. This work has been GOOD for you. And you have PROVEN yourself. And that is great, no matter the outcome.

Elizabeth

I am very envious of anyone who feels like they have found their place. I think I keep looking around expecting my place to be a little more glamorous, but so far, it looks a lot like your place. But with less wine :)

Dave

With all these posts you put out weekly, and the writings on other sites, and the NaNoWriMoing, you'd be insane not to want to be a for realz writer. I'd buy whatever you wrote, and I'm far from the only one. In fact, I've officially earmarked twenty-five bucks for your first book. (Twenty five Canadian dollars, but still...)

Julie

"because I have loved Robert Downey Jr. since he was in the movie with the ghosts and singing 'Walk Like A Man' in the bathroom. " Yes. Me too. :) I saw that movie with my Dad in the theater when it first came out. It was a double feature of that movie and an older Indiana Jones movie, I believe. Wonder which one my Dad was looking forward to seeing? heh...

Sarah in Ottawa

Heart and Souls!! I loved him in that, and in "Chances Are" and "Only You"...I am so very, very glad that he has cleaned up! RDJ = one of my faves. And I still haven't seen Sherlock Holmes (though Iron Man and Tropic Thunder were 2 of the 3 movies I saw in a theatre in 2008).

Also - yeah for you finding your place! It's such a good feeling.

-R-

I do think you're a writer, but maybe you would feel more comfortable saying that you're trying to become a writer. Which is also true.

Kate P

If a writer writes and nobody reads it, is it still writing? Sure! And chocolate chips & wine sounds like great writing fuel. :)

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