The best kind of worry is the premature and needless kind

I know I should be writing something cheery and barfingly sappy in honor of Thanksgiving, but I already did that for Parenting and HEY, so what if I want to WHINE and be ANGSTY right before the national holiday where we give thanks for our blessings? IT'S MY BLOG AND I'LL COMPLAIN IF I WANT TO. 

This actually started out as an email to A'Dell and then it got ESPECIALLY angsty and I thought: what better place for angst that the ole website! So here we are. 

What I want to know, especially from those of you with EXPERIENCE, is this: what matters more? Location? Or space? 

A'Dell is selling her house and I am reading with bated breath. It's no secret that I am dying to sell our house and move into, well, The Big Enough House In The Neighborhood I Want To Live In That I Can Somehow Miraculously Afford. There are many terrifying things to obsess about, namely: how in HELL do you show your house to potential buyers when you are currently living in it with a two-year-old and a one-year-old and a husband who appears not to know how to open the hamper, but clearly knows how to put his things on TOP of the hamper? No really. HOW IS THIS ACCOMPLISHED? I'm aware it can be done, but I'm worried about the price of the medication required. 

It's pointless worrying about all that (not that I will not worry about it, as you KNOW) since we are moving no matter what. Some day. Hopefully in the nearish future. Like, uh, springtime? Maybe? Summer? 

The wacky plan I dreamed up - selling the house in 2010 and renting until Phillip is finished with school - may or may not be too wacky. I don't know. I plan to hunt down a real estate agent after the holidays and ask him or her a number of paranoid questions including, but in no way limited to: Is this insane? 

So yeah. There is a "plan" and "action points" and we are mostly on the same page about when and how to do this. What we are NOT on the same page about is what house we want next. Granted, buying the next house is a decision a ways out from here, but you KNOW I'm going to dwell on it PLENTY before it comes up, right? 

Because a week or two ago Phillip sent me a link to The Perfect House. And it was, it was very nice. It was a newish biggish house just north of Seattle with a great backyard and no need for updating or remodeling or anything of the sort Phillip and I can't do by ourselves anyway because we are RATHER untalented in that department. It was a ways out of our price range, but I didn't look at it as a potential house. I looked at it as The Kind Of House Phillip Wants. And this is where it gets sticky. 

The kind of house I want is about eighty blocks south of that house. It's older, cuter, full of what people call Character. By virtue of being older and full of character, it's smaller and in dire need of updating and remodeling. It's big enough for a family of four that may or may not expand, it has a yard, but mainly it's close to everything I want to be close to. It's in the city, where I have always ALWAYS wanted to live. 

Phillip also wants to live in the city. If money was no object I'm pretty sure we'd both agree on one of those giant fake Craftsmans that are springing up where old original Craftsmans used to be. Not a million dollar view house, but a huge and brand new one on a regular street in one of our favorite neighborhoods. Unfortunately, we don't have the half million, let alone the full million. I try to avert my eyes whenever I pass one because WANT! WANT! WANT!

Which leaves us with: location? Or space? (And newness, I suppose I should add. Sigh.)

This whole time I've been firmly camped in Location. Maybe we couldn't fix it up right away, but one day we could, right? As long as it had potential? As long as it was big enough for the next handful of years? As long as it was on a street in a neighborhood that we absolutely loved, within walking distance of one of the good schools. 

But my husband is all about the house. Big enough, new enough, and the more I think about it, the more I think he's right. That's the logical thing to want. And I'm one of those people who walks into a house and immediately pictures my Christmas party. I could have a HUGE and AWESOME Christmas party in that house Phillip emailed to me. I seem to remember people making fun of the people who do this on House Hunters, but seriously, the Potential for Entertaining is super important to me, almost as much as A Place To Hide The Plastic Toys That Are Threatening to Bury Me Alive.

So I'm thinking he's right. Houses in the city are still crazy expensive. Space has been such a struggle for me this year - what makes me think I wouldn't mind just because I live down the street from a coffee shop and the library and two different parks? 

Have any of you had to make this choice? I suppose I should say, on the eve of Thanksgiving, that I realize I'm lucky I even get to MAKE the choice. I just want to know if I'm being sort of annoying and idealistic to want this "city life" that I'm not even really sure exists. Maybe I'd be just as happy in a subdivision full of young families. I DON'T KNOW. I've been feeling like no, this is where Phillip and I are supposed to be, we need to MAKE THIS HAPPEN. But maybe not. 

Anyway, I must now go yell at one of the children and see if this finally impresses upon him the idea that he should be going to sleep. (DOUBTFUL.) Tomorrow I will be cooking, Thursday I will be eating, Friday I will be childlessly gallivanting about town with my husband. I will be writing during every free moment because who cares if I have 53,000 words on paper, THEY MAKE NO SENSE. And Phillip doesn't have to go back to work until NEXT Wednesday so there is no possible way this is not going to be the best week ever. 

Which I am thankful for. I hope you have something equally as awesome to share before you dive into the turkey. And I think this might be the year that no one rolls their eyes when I say I'm thankful for the people who read my dorky website. Fingers crossed! 

Comments

[Jennifer H]

I'm a fan of the right location. We live on QA. Our house is small, our backyard is tiny, but we treat the whole city like a big backyard. The Children's Museum, 5 parks, a library, a community center and pool, and all manner of coffee shops and grocery stores are all a short walk. We go out every day (pretty much). The bus stop is 4 doors down and every 15 minutes we can catch a bus downtown to the Art Museum or aquarium. I only have to drive to the zoo :)
The downside: my home is much too small to entertain in, which is okay, because guests would never be able to find parking, anyway.

[Lindsay]

I'm scared to house shop. The marital discord that is sure to ensue... I'm surprised Phillip is on board with being further away from the city as that means longer commute. That's (part of) the real estate fight at our house - I'll take older and smaller if it means shortening the amount of time we drive every day.

[Jess]

When we bought, we knew we'd have to compromise on something, and I didn't really want to compromise on space OR location. And we ended up compromising by finding the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood with a highway behind the yard. And I'm so happy we were able to find that. The highway doesn't bother me at all.

So, maybe there's a balance to be struck. Maybe you don't live in the trendiest, most central neighborhood, but you also don't have to live 45 minutes away from downtown. Maybe you don't buy a brand new sparkly house but it also doesn't need to be a complete mess that has to be totally overhauled. Especially with the real estate market the way it is, a lot of buyers can afford to be very picky, which means that maybe you can find something that compromises a bit on each one, and has a couple flaws that would be deal-breakers for some people but not for you.

If it does come down to choosing one or the other, I think it's a question of your lifestyle. Are you domestic? Do you stay home a lot and like it that way? If so, the house itself is really important, especially when your kids are young and you may end up feeling trapped, you know? Because if you're trapped you might as well be trapped in a space you enjoy. But if you like going out and about all the time, then location would be more important.

[A'Dell]

We live in the sticks. Seriously, there are cows and buffalo in a pasture next to my neighborhood and every day I drive by a ranch with a camel by the highway.

So, in this Grand Endeavor we're electing to move to the actual suburbs, which will put us about 20 miles closer to "the city."

I'm not really a city person. I'd like to be able to walk to shopping and dining, but I'd rather have a bigger house. I spend a lot of time at home and as the years go by I don't see that changing. Entertaining potential is also a priority for me - I love having people over and I want a space that can hold tons of people comfortably.

Also, my big city has TERRIBLE TERRIBLE schools and a stupid city council and I don't want to pay their ridiculous taxes or send my daughter to their ultra slacker schools with low test scores. I refuse to pay for private school b/c in Texas our property taxes fund schools. So if I'm paying for the schools I'm going to take advantage of them and move to a city with decent ones.

So, suburbs and more space for us! Wish me luck, for I will surely need it.

[Ashley]

Space wins everytime! (granted I refuse to live in some areas) I dare you to ever utter the words "I wish we had LESS closet space." I do love old houses, but constantly wondering what is going to go wrong next with an old house would drive me to insanity. Will it be the plumbing? The wiring? Do I smell radon? (a joke- you can't actually smell it) Is there a crack in the foundation? Is mold growing in said crack?
We bought a brand-spankin' new house and I STILL worry about things like that. An old house would probably put me into a worry-coma.

[Lisa]

I have to side with your husband. I would side with you IF you didn't have two small children. If it's hard for you to tolerate the clutter and space issues, imagine dealing with those AND doing it in a space that desperately needs new windows, carpet, paint, etc. A fixer-upper is difficult in the best of circumstances. Even more so if you are dealing with kids and little time. That's my two cents. Plus, you'll learn to LOVE the suburbs with the families-of-young-children close by.

[Elizabeth]

We chose a tiny house in the best location we could afford, and I've never regretted it, but I am guessing Seattle doesn't have the foreclosure crisis that we do here. The huge houses our in the burbs that we could also have afforded are the ones that no one can unload now.
I always say location location location, but you know I might change my tune after I try to cram two kids in this tiny tiny house.

[Linda]

We basically live on the edge of the world. I mean, when my friends come to visit I tell them to bring their passports and overnight bags. It's far. That being said, we are able to afford a gigantic house, and one that iscoincidentally in a fantastic school district.

That being said, if I had the money and opportunity to do it all over and choose a different place, i would probably side with you. My sister lives in Greenwood (well, they just sold their house so.. not for much longer) and I'd kill to live in the surrounding neighborhoods.

For now, where we live totally works for us but I do hope in the future we can move closer to the city and the rest of my family. But for now, cookie cutter suburbia will do.

[Christiana]

I know that in real estate they say the 3 most important things are "location, location and location," but I'm at the point in my own life where I want the RIGHT house. Now, I won't buy it if it's in a skeezy neighborhood, but if it was just the convenience factor (why can't I ever spell that word right the first time?), I'd be all over the right house that was affordable, ut menat I had to drive a little further to the mall/target, etc. (Now, it would still have to be a reasonable distance to said stores - my grandma's town for instance has NO Target within 50 miles, or Starbucks. It was one dinky Wal-mart and the closest, horrible mall is an hour away. That wouldn't work for me, no matter what the price break is).

But I can deal with a 20-30 minute drive in the suburbs if I had a big, spacious house, you know? But maybe because I'm feeling a little cramped these days with 1 bathroom, 2 bedrooms, no closets.

[Erin]

Location, location, location! We lived in NYC for about two years, and it's amazing how creative people can be with making the most of their space. But it really does depend on the house and the use of space. You can still have a rockin' Christmas party in a small house if there's openness and good flow between spaces, namely kitchen, dining, and living rooms.

We have a smallish house in West Seattle and our two boys (3 yrs and 5 mos.) will share a room as long as we live there. We love the community (proximity to Alki, Lincoln Park, the Junction, etc.), but we probably couldn't stay in the house with three kiddos, and whether we stay in the community long term will depend upon how we feel about the school situation.

My dh grew up on Mercer Island, and he thinks there's no better place for kids, so we'll probably look there someday - east side though it is, and likely we'd only be able to afford a wee itty bitty house there. Still he'd have a short commute and I'd trade having an extra hour with him home each day than a sprawling house in Issaquah.

[Mykal]

We just moved into our first house and this is such a hard topic to figure out the right answer too. We had to find the balance between space, location, and kitchen (we cook a lot so this was super important to us). It was such a messy endless conversation about where and what we would settle for, what a pain. In the end we found a great compromise awesome house, but it was PAINFUL to get to that point. Good Luck.

One of the other big thing that helped with the space/location/money issue was making the choice to wait 3 years and save like heck to be able to afford more house. It was hard to live in a tiny crappy cheap apt for those years, but 3 years in the grand scheme of life is nothing, and it was worth it for the awesome house we got to buy! So personally I have to say I'm a fan of waiting it out if you can (which makes more sense if you are renting).

[Pippi]

I'm on the location side. But I also live in a two bedroom co-op suite with my husband and 2-year-old because there's no way we can afford a half a million dollar townhome (or $400,000 condo) in our our neighborhood. If we moved somewhere we could afford to buy it wouldn't be 80 blocks away, it would be two suburbs and a bridge away. Some people think I'm extreme, but I won't do it. Even if we never own.

That's me, though. You might be different. But it isn't bad or incomprehensible to go for a smaller, less picture-perfect place in the location you love. Your kids might not have the backyard now, but as they get older they'll have so much more independence being able to get places on their own without a car. I say don't give up your location dreams because you ought to, but do it if you really do the trade off is worth it for you.

[Elsha]

Whenever I read about buying houses all I can think is:

1) I wish my house would FREAKING SELL already. We're already going to lose money as it is

2) We're never going to be able to afford a house in Colorado. Ever. Even though we could TOTALLY buy a fixer because my husband has worked construction for the last 6 years.

3) Living in my parent's 5 bedroom 4 1/2 bath 3,500 square feet of newly remodeled and completely paid off house is not making me feel better about ANY of this.

[Julia F.]

Did I write this and post it to your brain? This is my husband and I EXACTLY, except we have 4 kids with #5 on the way and space is even more of an issue.

We went with space- great house, so-so neighborhood (suburbs, not walkable to anything) even though I wanted location and character, for a few reasons:

1. DH wanted house over location, and he stays home with the kids. Seems like I have to give if he's the one in the house with the rugrats most of the day.

2. DH would be the one doing most of the fixing up of one of those old houses with character. See #1.

3. Smallness of the older house wasn't so much an issue as use of space- the newer houses were more open, better for entertaining but also better for keeping an eye on all of the kids at the same time without wondering if the 2 yo is painting the living room windows with Oil of Olay while the 5 yo makes himself a PB&J.

Having said that, I, too, avert my eyes whenever we drive through the historic district next to downtown. Iy! In an ideal world, we would buy a lot in that old neighborhood and build our new house there. But. Ha ha ha!

[Amy J]

We chose location.