Outed!

People! So yesterday I got a comment from a name I recognized, but a name that is Rather Common or, at least, Common Enough, so I didn't think too much about it. But then I responded and then SHE responded and it turns out: YES. That comment WAS from the girl in my bible study freshman year. ZOINKS.

I mean, it's not a HUGE surprise, right? The blog is not a Secret. I don't go around telling people about it (actually I tend to turn BRIGHT RED whenever someone mentions it because 1) I am a dork and 2) I am a dork who has A WEBSITE) and I certainly don't wear my "I'M BLOGGING THIS" t-shirt in public. (Just kidding. I don't have one of those shirts. I'm not THAT big a dork.)

But people know about it and it turns out that one of my friends who never comments told this other friend who APPARENTLY has been a big fat lurker and it just makes me wonder: WHO ELSE IS OUT THERE?

I mean, WHO ELSE is sitting there thinking, "Dude, that girl I used to know way back when, she's even dorkier than I THOUGHT."

Well, most likely they are not thinking about me at all. NARCISSISTIC MUCH?

But it's still kind of fun and/or paranoia-inducing. I'm not big on Facebook. I'm not ANTI-Facebook, but I haven't turned it into a major communication tool like a lot of people I know. I kind of like that the majority of people who read my website are Strangers/Big Fat Lurkers who don't have to gel the Website Me with the Real Life (And Even More Dorky) Me. And I like that most of my real life friends are only barely interested in the blog stuff and aren't even sure what this thing IS that I went to in Sacramento, was I, like, meeting my internet chatroom boyfriend? I get pretty confused around the real life people who DO read my website. I can never remember what I wrote about and oh God do they already know the ending to my story? But then I don't want to ASSUME they read my website because, come on, it is a DORKY WEBSITE and SURELY they have other things to do, so I'm loathe to be all, "Well, as you KNOW, blah blah blah." Or if they think I have, like, two different personalities or something and whoa, DORK ALERT, UNFRIEND! UNFRIEND!

In short: AWASH IN INSECURITY!

It gets even MORE complicated when real life friends have [of COURSE not dorky] blogs because I never remember what THEY wrote either. ISN'T THAT AWFUL?

A loooong time ago, like DECADES in blog years, I googled "Maggie Maiden Name" (AS YOU DO) and found that my high school English teacher had LINKED TO ME from HER blog. I was at once 1) flattered and 2) horrified. I actually think that describes much of my attitude about Real Life People Finding/Reading/Discussing My Blog. Actually, it describes everything about my attitude. Obviously I am done here. Must go find some other way to procrastinate on my "novel".

I suppose this is where I should sign off with a big "OUT YOURSELVES!" directive to people who possibly know me in real life, but to be honest? I'm not sure I want to know. A theory constantly amassing evidence in my life: ignorance = bliss!

But YOU... how do YOU deal with Real Life Blog Readers? Copious amounts of wine? Intense blushing and a quick change of subject? A fervent internal dialogue re: why in the world you write about your life on the internet? DO TELL.

Comments

[Nessa]

Thankfully, I only have one real life person who knows about my blog and she knows about everything before I even write it. So no big deal.

There have been a few times when I was checking my stats (for shame!) and had some heart stopping moments (I write FREELY about my MIL)and thought I was going to puke on my keyboard.

But it turned out to be no one I "new". And by the way? I don't think real you would be dorky. I think you would be fun!

[LN]

I don't know you in real life, I promise!

I have always found the best defense to be a good offense. In other words, befriend people with blogs so the awkwardness cuts both ways and thus becomes inoffensive (or rather, that you both expect to be reading each others' blogs, so it's not a big deal).

[Rosemary]

It must be weird.

I'm one of those big fat lurkers (usually) so you are safe with me.

It may be less embarrassing to have strangers reading all about your life, but it is I think objectively weirder. People who do not know you in real life AT ALL knowing more about you (in some sense) than people who really do know how you are in the world outside the computer.

Yet that doesn't seem coherent. All of it is real life, but mediated differently I guess.

These are complicated questions meant for people who get more sleep than I do.

This seems to be a good outlet for you, Maggie. Go with it! I bet lurkers from your past JUST LOVE IT. I would love to secretly read about someone I knew in the past, yet I would feel awkward and awfully voyeuristic doing it. Well, I bet that doesn't make you feel one bit better!

Maggie's friends, be honest! Who are you?

[Jess]

I have made my peace with it and moved on. Blog is linked from FB, various friends and family members read it, and I make it a rule not to write things that I wouldn't want someone else (ANYONE else) to read. And then when I write really personal things I just pretend that nobody I feel awkward around has read them.

[Sarah in Ottawa]

I am pretty open on my blog and IRL. I know that many real life people read the blog (like my parents), so I view my blog as a place where I can record all the anecdotes I'd recount orally. I haven't done any griping about my inlaws because,like you, my MIL and FIL are pretty great.

I haven't linked from Facebook, but that's because I am sure I want elementary and high school acquaintances rubbernecking as I write about my struggles with breastfeeding.

You are not a dork in real life. And it's not just me - Dave thinks you are awesome, too! And I am certain that Teddy would, if he were able to talk.

[Amanda]

So the other day, my husband and I ran into the sister of a friend of HIS... and the first thing out of her mouth was "omg! I read your blog!" and i was all "wow. that's great! thanks" and then her mom was all "so what did you guys do for halloween??" and before i could get a WORD out the sister of the friend of my husband responded with my ENTIRE. HALLOWEEN. STORY. So yeah... that was neat? odd? saved me some time?
Who knows.

[HereWeGoAJen]

My blog is a Secret Blog. But really I am just counting on no one in real life finding it because I am so not anonymous.

[Ashley]

I have run into a lot of people that read my blog- and comment to me about it. I still don't know what to say. Thanks? Sorry I'm such a spaz? I usually say that I'm glad I'm not just talking to myself on the internet. :)

[Carrie]

I try not to tell people in real-life about my blog :) And those of you who started out as internet friends and became blog friends, I figure you knew what you were getting into.

[C @ Kid Things]

I haven't even signed up with Facebook. And I turn bright red, too, if someone mentions my blog. Although no one mentions it, because I haven't told anyone. Aside from my husband, of course, but he doesn't read it or anything. And if he did, I wouldn't want to know about it.

[morgan s]

I don't think many of my real-life friends read my blog. And I think I scare them a bit when I talk about "this person's blog I read" several times throughout a conversation with them. I think they kind of secretely feel I am a sad person who just has all these pretend friends on the internet.... Maggie, I LOVE your blog and think you are super cool! That bit about your high school teacher linking to you on her blog is a bit wierd....isn't it polite to ASK the person before linking?

[Holly]

Ok, FYI, you are so NOT dorky. You are cool and sophisticated and for sure one of the nicest bloggers I have ever met, and I have met some very self-important bloggers...

But beyond that, I think that you shouldn't stress too much, because your blog is authentic. You don't go all TMI, so you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You are real and articulate, and if people you know IRL come across your stuff, know that you read like someone who is comfortable enough with their life to talk about it. And that confidence is awesome!

[The Sojourner]

First conversation ever with my boyfriend's dad:

Me [very shyly]: "Hi."

Him: "Hi! I like your blog!"

Me: "Um. Thanks?"

(Now we're friends on Facebook and stuff. And interestingly it's not weird at all, it was just disconcerting at first.)

[Lisa]

I tried to keep my blog secret, but then some family members found my blog-blog (not my photo-blog) and started commenting, and I told them to stop. I do not want to know. They can continue to read as long as they do not let on in real life that they are doing so. I need to "feel" annonymous, you know?

[el-e-e]

On one hand I kind-of WANT people I know IRL to read the blog -- but on the other hand anonymity is quite nice. My Mom and Dad and a few IRL friends do read it, but if some of my uncles knew about it, I'd be completely mortified.

I mean it's one thing when I was writing nice, well-thought-out essays but since lately it's bullet-point drivel and whining... I need as little exposure as possible on that.

[Linda]

For me it doesn't happen often (because it would mean actually updating my blog and such) but when someone does mention something they've read on my blog, I tend to freeze. I mean, it's ridiculous. I'm writing on THE INTERNET and yet I'm kind of surprised when I realize people actually have been READING my blog. I'm ridiculous really.

[Christiana]

Huh. Well, as you know (or maybe you don't) I actually moved my blog and changed my blog persona when my SILs found my blog and didn't tell me. (google analytics outed them) BUT there are a very select few IRL friends who know about it, and since it's them, I don't care. I would feel weird if an old high school acquaintance happened across it, since I put an awful lot of my heart out there, it's often more like my diary than anything else. But who knows? Maybe I'd just be grateful for the readers! I'd be all, you read my blog? Really? Thanks!

[antonia]

you are braver than I am.
Some random guy from my medical school found my blog a few years ago....and I decided to make it password protected from then on!

antonia
xxx

[Elsha]

I pretty much intended my blog to be read by people in real life. It started as a way to keep up with family instead of mass e-mail (which I never did because I HATE them.) So I have it linked on my facebook and all my family have the link (not that they all read, I am not that cool.) It actually surprises me more when people I DON'T know in real life read it.

[A'Dell]

I have the legit blog that friends and family read so they can stay updated and a secret blog that nobody I know IRL reads where I can be bratty or rude or whiny and people still listen to me and make me feel like I'm right and it's everyone else who it wrong.

It works beautifully for me. Highly reco the Secret Blog.

[lindsay]

I just googled myself and found a facebook note I wrote a long time ago. I promptly deleted it (without reading because OMG!!!). Facebook is sketch, man!

[Anne P.]

I've only used my lurking powers for good :)

[Leadersome]

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