In which I mention pot and my mother can't believe I actually POST this stuff on the INTERNET

I decided to run around the lake today because 1) the kids stayed with grandparents last night and we weren't going to pick them up until dinner time and 2) the weather was awesome and 3) I've been heavy on the Halloween candy and light on the exercise and it's beginning to show. Well, not physically (YET) but last week I had a definite case of Uh Oh, It's October, Where Is My Vat Of Vitamin D.

And of course it surprises me. Like I haven't been anxious on cue for the last seven or eight years. I'm all HEY. Where is THIS coming from? And then I realize that I've been sitting on my butt eating candy, nervously wandering around my house, NOT exercising, counting up all the little stressors I've got going on... other people stay in bed and mope in October and November, I feel like I've drank fifteen pots of coffee in one sitting. 

[Tangent! Caffeine, which did nothing for me for years and years and years, even though I WANTED IT TO, now makes me, if I drink more than half a cup, INSANE. It's awful. It's so bad I keep my coffee pot in the cupboard and only sometimes remember to get it out when my caffeine addict family members come over. When I order coffee I almost always order decaf. Isn't that pathetic? But the caffeine in coffee is nothing compared to the vegan brownie I ate at 5pm one day two summers ago. The intense and horrifying crazy I experienced from that admittedly delicious vegan brownie was so unbearable I remember it from TWO SUMMERS AGO. For shame!]

[Another! Tangent! So long long ago I was telling a friend that no I'd never smoked pot, was she kidding, did she even KNOW ME? but that I was mildly disappointed with myself for not having any Rebellious Youth Stories and then she OFFERED to bake me a POT BROWNIE. (Because I had also told her I was never going to smoke anything, ever, no way, NO.) And I was all: interesting! I actually gave this some thought, I really did, because, you know, THE EXPERIENCE. But ultimately I decided I would SO be one of those people who get freaked out and paranoid instead of mellow and chill. I mean, IS THERE ANY DOUBT?)

SO ANYWAY. After three days of consecutive exercise, three days of purposely going outside around noon, three days of not eating sugar for breakfast, lunch and dinner and three days of popping excessive amounts of Vitamin D I'm feeling lots better. I honestly have no idea how much the aforementioned Healthy Living Tactics affect my delinquent brain chemistry, but even if it's a placebo effect I'll take it. I will run around the lake EVERY day if that's what it takes to keep the anxiety away.

Which reminds me: this is only the second time I've run around the lake and this time I didn't want to throw up when I finished. Progress! The lake is 2.8 miles, which is peanuts to a lot of you, I know, but the most I've ever run is 4 and on a typical day I only run 2. And I've only run around the lake once before because I can't just GO there. I have to psych myself up to run in PUBLIC. With people who run FAST. Who are possibly on their second LAP. I prefer my little neighborhood jog, but it was gorgeous today and I didn't have kids to worry about and I knew I'd feel awesome when I finished. And I did.

It's a lot harder to exercise and eat well now that I've given myself permission to Un-Obsess Over Weight Loss. Especially when you spend a week eating Halloween candy, ignoring the scale because OMG you've been so bad, but then when you are dying of curiosity you step on the scale anyway and you haven't gained any weight! OBVS this is a fluke, but you still sort of feel like you're going to make a million dollars peddling your surefire weight maintenance plan and who needs to exercise NOW? NOT YOU!

But no. NO. In three days I've gone from a 7 or 8 on the anxiety scale to a 1 or a 2. Which is a huuuuuuge difference.

Of course, this may also have to do with the fact that I don't have any time to be anxious as I am attempting to write the world's most unreadable novel in 30 days. I better get back to that.

Comments

[Carrie]

I know you posted lots of interesting stuff there, but I'm fixated on the pot thing. I think I can one-up you on the patheticness. Not only have I never tried it, nor been in a situation where I would be offered it, I have no idea what it smells like. People at my college (my conservative Christian college) would say things like "it's very distinctive" and I would say "yes, that would be helpful if I was out with someone and smelled it and they said "oh, that smells like pot". I am so unprepared to ever be the parent of a teenager.

Off to research strict boarding schools now. Because I, the most pathetic rule-following person on the planet must have a plan B for the teenage years. Even though they are far far away and I will have forgotten my plan by then.

[C @ Kid Things]

I don't know what it smells like, either. And probably couldn't even say that's what it is if shown to me.

[Jess]

This caffeine thing fascinates me. When did it start? Because right now I am still totally unaffected by it. I wonder if that will change.

[HereWeGoAJen]

I've never tried pot either and no one has ever offered to bake me a pot brownie even. I've never done anything wrong, actually.

I don't run either. But I am impressed by people who do.