Policies

Potty usage has increased to about once a day, or once every other day. By which I mean, once a day or once every other day Jack responds positively to my suggestion that we try using the potty, and then he uses it. All other suggestions are met with, "No! Want new dipah!" I have gone back and forth on this - do I buy licensed character underwear? Talk up the potty treats? Let him go naked? Force him to sit on the potty every half hour and endure the inevitable meltdowns during the following half hours? When I'm done thinking about it I decide that I have enough going on in my life currently, that we've got an entire year before I hypothetically send him to preschool and it is okay to opt out of this particular battle. Phillip has also been instructed not to push the potty issue. It is now The Policy in the Cheung Household: using the potty is not a fight worth picking. 

Other policies include, but are in no way limited to:

No more force feeding the boy. Not that we were ever able to successfully force feed him (AND WE TRIED), but you know what I'm talking about. The nightly dinnertime drama of figuring out how to coerce Jack into eating three bites of dinner. I hated every minute of it, while also hating the fact that he WASN'T EATING and that one day we were walking to the front door and ran into the next door neighbor who said, "Oh, it looks like Jack lost weight!" YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT! Weeks of paranoia, heated conversations and fatigued surrenders later, we've decided it's not worth it. If he doesn't want to eat, we let him get down. Sure, we might make him sit at the table a few more minutes because everyone ELSE is eating dinner and that is what we DO, but again: not a fight worth picking. At dinnertime I make sure to give him something I know he likes, and if he doesn't eat it, he doesn't eat it. Sometimes, depending on the situation and the time, we let him graze. We almost always let him sit at the table again if it's not too late and he acts like he might want to choke down another forkful. I'm not sure if he's eating more (although, quite honestly, I THINK HE IS) but the best part is that we are no longer mad at Jack and mad at each other during dinner. WIN. 

Friday mornings do not have to be Fun! Family! Fridays! That's what I was originally hoping for, but it's unrealistic. Friday mornings might be the only time either of us has the energy to tackle various household projects or run unpleasant errands. What we ARE doing is doing those things together. The weather is getting nasty so it's not like we can run out to the park for an hour on Friday mornings, and most indoor things cost money. We don't want to spend money. So errands and housework it is, but if we're together and the kids are with us, it's still a Family Friday, right. Lame, but as good as it gets right now. 

Don't obsess over the scale. (This one's just for me!) After all my whining and moping about MAINTAINING my weight and how do I MAINTAIN and WAH this maintaining thing is SO HARD, POOR ME, it turns out it's not that hard after all. I mean, it's hard in that I am still totally conscious of everything I put in my mouth and everything bit of energy I expend, it's just that for some unknown reason I don't... CARE. As much. Anymore. I stopped counting points. I stopped avoiding bread. I try to buy and eat good-for-me food and I try not to eat too MUCH of it (at this point, I think this is The Key), but I, uh, ate at Red Robin twice on Sunday. TWIIIIICE. And I totally ate french fries with ranch dressing BOTH TIMES. I get down on myself, but then I eat better the next day and sometimes I go for a run and it turns out I'm keeping my weight within a one to two pound range. Which is FINE BY ME. Would I like to be skinny? Would I like to know what size four is like? Would I like to be the same size as my sisters for JUST ONE DAY? Sure would! But right now? I would very much like to finish off the bag of bittersweet Ghiradelli chips my husband bought last night, on a specific Bring Your Wife Some Chocolate Run. I figure as long as I don't feed my Crappy Weather and Children Who Won't Go To Sleep Sadnesses with constant shovels of fatty and carby food, I'm good. RIGHT? 

We shall continue in pursuit of Sharing A Bedroom. Today, I am half proud half embarrassed to say, was the first day... in the history of Jack and Molly, I SWEAR, that I didn't have to march into their bedroom and turn into Krazy Shrieky Head-Might-Spin-Around Mommy because they were jumping up and down in their cribs instead of taking a nap. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MADE TODAY DIFFERENT. I've been taking a harder tack with the perpetrators in the last day or two and possibly it's making a difference. But it could be that they were just more TIRED than usual. WHO KNOWS. But I am not giving up on this. It is utterly totally profoundly ridiculous to continue thinking, the way Phillip and I have been, that the only way out of this sleep mess is to buy a house with more bedrooms. RIDICULOUS! Would it be easier? UNDOUBTEDLY. But what we have is good, better than what a lot of people have, and it can work. Today has given me hope. 

Chocolate and flowers erase coming home late, long work days and too much alone time. Well, they erase a big chunk, at least. Says the girl who is currently munching on chocolate chips and admiring the giant vase of roses on her desk. SEE BOYS? A simple "I miss you" works, but tangible visible reminders make it last a little longer. 

What are YOUR current Policies?

Comments

[Becca]

I LOVE this post. We are dealing with some really similar issues (sleep, eating dinner, potty training). I think I need to define my policies too, so when everything is going crazy around me (like yesterday), I can have something to hang onto!

[C @ Kid Things]

I try to get everyone out of the house on the weekends to do something. Sometimes, that something is just a drive around for an hour. But it's something and we're together and that's what counts.

[HereWeGoAJen]

Let's see, I am trying to condition the baby in regards to napping, so that is a current policy. I am also trying to clean up now instead of leaving it for later. And a silly one is that I am trying to not wear a ponytail every single day.

[Kate]

I think you're smart to take a low key approach to potty training and eating. Potty training will happen when he's ready--I never believed that nonsense until I saw it first hand. We had been fighting and fighting over pooping in the potty--nothing was working. Then one day, he just looked at me and said, "I need to poop. In the potty." And that was that.
As for the eating, I'm a big believer in the "they will eat when they're hungry" theory. However, I will say that we attempt to discourage grazing in order to ENcourage eating at mealtimes, as in "Think about if you're really finished b/c we're not eating again until lunch (or snack, or whatever)."
My main current policy is to attempt to avoid being angry at the daily 5:30 AM (or earlier) wake up calls that never end. Because, I can be mad and awake, or I can just be awake. Just awake is much better for everyone.

[MichelleRenee]

I have given up the "get up @ the sound of your alarm" morning battle.

High School is hard enough with out spending every morning fighting with me.

I think your doing great on the potty training, let it go.

It will happen on it's own.

Good Luck!

[Manda]

Dude there are so many policies I don't even know where to begin!

[kris]

we quit potty training. for the moment. unless she asks.
I decided she will eat when she is hungry.
as for bedtime...we are going to have to switch to the toddler bed SOON as she has learned to climb out and even though she hasn't fallen yet, she is still making me worry. have to find a new naptime policy. and bedtime i guess.
by the way, no pressure or anything, but I am very curious to see how the 'sharing a room' thing goes, as we will be adding another little person to our 2 bedroom house in march. making me very nervous. but i totally agree with you-that is not a reason to move to a bigger house!!

[Pippi]

My biggest policy at the moment? All work stays at work. Even if that means that I stay late on those days. That leaves my days off to actually be days off.

Hmm, that reminds me I have to sort out my students' recorder money that's been sitting in bag since before I made that policy. Oops.

[janey]

I think we've found a food routine that's working: breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner with grazing only on special occasions or if we go out. I try to make sure there is something on the plate she likes, and if she doesn't eat, that's fine. I don't always eat my dinner, either. I haven't tackled potty training yet, but my inlaws who had an almost 4-year-old foster child who was not potty trained yet ended up making HIM clean his own bottom (with help of course) and take care of his own diaper. It worked quickly! So, if he's not potty trained in a couple of years, you could go that route.

[Jennifer H]

We are happier at our house when the 2.5 year old gets to choose what goes into his body and what comes out - or really where it comes out. There is so little else he gets to totally control, I don't want to do battle over these. Really, in the end, he DOES have total control over these things, anyway...

[Elsha]

Our eating policy is offer and let her eat until she's done. Of course, it helps that she loves vegetables and will eat pretty much anything you stick in front of her, but still, she does have her days where she doesn't seem to want anything and I just don't worry about it.

As for the potty, I'm pretty much just trying to help her make associations at this point. She's shown interest so I offer her the potty during most diaper changes and I'll let her sit until she starts running around. She's never actually used it, but she will sometimes go over and sit *after* she's dirtied her diaper. One step at a time I guess.

I think our only other real policy is that if you give a time out warning you HAVE to follow through. So don't threaten if you don't mean it.

[Sarah]

Policies...

1. Any arguments between me and the hubby between the hours of 1 a.m. and 7 a.m. are ignored in the morning since we are both battling sleep deprivation from an almost 11 month old with more energy than that freaking energizer bunny, who still doesn't sleep through the night.

2. We let him eat when he's hungry, sleep when he's tired...none of that crazy schedule crap that has made me crazy for 10 months and 2 weeks. I've officially given up. I wave the white flag.

3. The most important policy in our place is that we love each other and are good to each other.

BTW, I love reading your posts! :)

[Lindsay]

Our main policy is just to forgive, forgive, forgive. Seems to work so far.