What we DO when we are couples retreating

Just so you know, someone ASKED me about this, so at least ONE of you is interested.

We did not end up Couples Retreating this weekend. This was due to the fact that one of the couples had a family emergency Friday night and the two remaining couples (there are four total, but one couple was already out due to living in another state and having a brand new baby) felt sorta weird just going on without them. Instead we took extreme advantage of the fact that neither couple had kids for the weekend and basically napped, ate too much, shopped (the girls), played nerdy board games (the guys) and caught up on Life over fattening and delicious food that was prepared, served and cleaned up by people other than ourselves.

What we USUALLY do is a little more intense.

Four years ago one of us (not me!) was reading a book about the Examen. She was really impressed with the concept, and started talking about it with some friends, along the lines of: wouldn't it be awesome if some of us committed to gathering once a year to do our own examen? This particular group of friends had some significant things in common: we all knew each other from school, some better than others, but we had the same non-denominational college fellowship background; we were in the same stage of life, having all been recently married; we were all in interracial marriages, specifically white/Asian. I am a total sucker for things like that so of course I was signing up before she even stopped talking.

The gist of the weekend is to review your year. What were the ups and downs? The words we use are consolation and desolation. When were you closest to God, when were you farthest away? It's pretty intense. Each couple shares about their year individually, the rest of us listen. We ask questions, we discuss, we remember. And when all of it is out we pray. It's not everyone's idea of a good time, I know that. It's not always easy, obviously, to lay everything out there, but once a year we do and for us it's such a good and solid thing. Even just the half hour we spend reflecting with each other, filling in the blanks under the seasons (Phillip: "What were we doing in the winter?" Maggie: "Trying to get Molly to fall asleep before midnight." Phillip: "OHHHH. RIIIIGHT.") 

The first year we reflected on Friday night, had three couples share on Saturday, one couple on Sunday and Sunday evening we crawled into bed determined to sleep for a week. By the second year some of us already had a baby, and things definitely changed. We don't talk quite as long, the prayer times are hurried, we're feeding kids at mealtimes and stressed out about childcare for Saturday night. Just trying to find a weekend this year was exhausting in and of itself. But it's still a good thing. Even the way we're going to make up for this weekend - attempting to find three separate weeknights for each couple - will be good.

We take pictures every year and keep track of prayer requests in a journal. We have two kids apiece now. We've been through births and deaths, crises of faith, new jobs, moves and the standard assortment of major life decisions for people in their late twenties and early thirties. We go to different churches, have different politics, have different ideas of what constitutes a good time on a Saturday night, but we're committed.

As the lone blogger in the group I am often pretty bored during the official Reflection Time. I feel like "reflecting" is part of my genetic makeup, it's something I am doing daily if not hourly. I am thinking about what I will share with these people months ahead of time. I collect and organize and refine my thoughts. I know exactly what I'm going to say. I love that I get to spill it in person and not just on the blog, because I probably wouldn't otherwise. It's really good for me to get specific and connect the pieces and to do all of that with Phillip's help. I'm sure you're not surprised to hear that the things I find most impacting and eventful in my year aren't always lined up with Phillip's things. I'm also blessed to have friends with gifts for listening. They always seem to latch onto something, to identify the part I couldn't quite make out for myself. It's helpful. Comforting. Eye-opening. And everyone should have the experience of being prayed for.

I know there are people out there who would rather eat fertilizer than sit through a long, sappy, teary, churchy, way-too-vulnerable weekend couples therapy session with friends. I am not one of those people. I love it. I'm so thankful I get to do it. I'm just going to have to find myself an actual factual babysitter so we can finish THIS weekend.

Comments

[el-e-e]

It sounds lovely. You're very lucky, as a couple, to have such close couple relationships as these.

[lindsay]

Ahhh, very interesting. I agree, you guys are lucky to have close couple friends, and yes there is nothing like having a blog to get a person in constant state of reflection and I think it's SUCH a good thing.

[Jess]

I think it is great that you guys have these other couples in your life. I am jealous, in fact.

[Jen]

I wish we did something like this.

[Sarah in Ottawa]

Thanks for sharing this; it sounds awesome. But I'm one of the nerdy sharing types, too!

[Shelby]

Agreed, I think that sounds wonderful. What a blessing that you all committed to each other to do this, and that you've been able to maintain the commitment!