The elements of dissatisfaction do not really add up to moving, but that is my conclusion nevertheless

I just watched my son put down his buttered toast and slick his hair down with both hands. After I just gave him and his sister a bath, after a night of negligible sleep, and on my own since Phillip's presence is required at the parish picnic setup and GOOD LUCK WITH TWO KIDS AT CHURCH, MAGGIE!

No really. I don't often wish to crawl back into bed and press Fast Forward, but today is one of those days.

It started yesterday afterNOON. Everyone was napping, because it was that kind of day, but Molly only napped an hour. I got up and took her downstairs so the boys could sleep. They ended up sleeping nearly another two hours, while I simultaneously entertained Molly and updated the Budget of Awesomeness. We had plans for after nap, but when they woke up I was so tired. And mad. And steeping in This Is So Unfair.

And now he just wiped his hands on his shirt, underneath his bib. WHAT THE HECK, JACK?

Where was I. Oh, right, telling you what a classy selfless person I am.

SO ANYWAY. We had a great afternoon, but that night was HOT. And the neighbors (I have LOTS of neighbors with yards I can spit into from my front window, these are the Neighbors Of Which I Am Not Terribly Fond) were grilling and the smoke was stinking up my house and I started to think about moving.

Then we went to bed and I couldn't sleep because 1) it was hot 2) it smelled like smoke 3) Phillip was reading Dreams of My Father which I asked him to read MONTHS ago and because I knew where he was in the book I knew he wouldn't be putting it down any time soon and PLEASE GOD I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP.

AND OH YEAH. My neighbors had friends over. In their teeny tiny yard, eating, drinking and being loud. Fine. It wasn't that late.

At around midnight thirty I made Phillip take the fan out and shut the window. And I thought about moving.

[Is it unreasonable to expect that when you are living in VERY CONFINED SPACES and when it is VERY HOT and everyone has their WINDOWS OPEN and it is MIDNIGHT you probably shouldn't be drunkenly shouting at each other in the yard, as if you own the entire block? I hate to be a stuffy and mean old spinster lady but COME ON. Ugh. I'm getting angry all over again. These neighbors make me so frustrated. ENOUGH TO MOVE.]

I could still hear them. I couldn't sleep. It was so hot. Phillip was already snoring. And Molly woke up whimpering fifty times during the night so every time I DID fall asleep it wasn't for LONG.

And today I have to get both kids ready on my own, cart them to church, wrangle them in church, take our neighbor home, drive all the way back to the picnic, where my husband will be helping with the cooking and the clean up and annoyed that I want him to ask people who don't have two small children to do those jobs so he can HELP ME.

I realize that I am, essentially, complaining about something single mothers do every day. But I think this website has already well established that I am unfit for single parenting and the day Phillip decides he's had enough of this circus, CPS will show up on my doorstep all, "Well, SHE can't handle this on her own."

Not that Phillip is going anywhere. I put GPS sensors in every pair of his shoes.

I stumbled out of bed at six to get Molly this morning, but then I saw Phillip had moved her downstairs in the middle of the night. Which meant she wasn't waking Jack, which meant I could get back in bed. Phillip went downstairs to give Molly a bottle, but I was already awake. I flipped open the Macbook and started looking at houses for rent on Craigslist.

What if we sold our house next summer (because there's no way we can sell it THIS summer, and summer seems like the time you sell your house) and RENT another house. For a year, until Phillip is done with school and ideally adds a few more dollars to his paycheck and we figure out if we can afford a bigger house in this city. There were houses for rent, houses I would live in, for less than our monthly mortgage payment. These houses had yards and basements and three bedrooms you could actually use as bedrooms. WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF.

I haven't quite let loose on my slew of Grad School And What It Means Posts, but one of the biggest things is staying in this house two more years. I'll have a FOUR-YEAR-OLD. I love this house, I really do, but it's not made for people with children and every time I pass the $630,000 brand new four-bedroom house a few blocks away from me on my neighborhood run I DIE WITH ENVY.

$630,000. No joke. IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. Only a few blocks away from MY HOUSE which, when we purchased it, was next to a half empty rental house being used by the local ladies of the evening. NO JOKE.

Wait till I tell you what I am doing tomorrow, though. Then YOU are going to die with envy. And I will feel better. The end.

Comments

[Elizabeth]

My child has also been a tres big stinker today, maybe it's something in the air.
Also, I totally have those neighbors, behind me. They make my blood boil. It's SO TOTALLY UNCOOL to be out in your yard which is separated from mine by nothing more than a flimsy fence drunkenly screaming at 11:30 on a week night!
Then I think of how much noise I am going to make during fake Blogher and I feel better. You can help me get my revenge.
And what are you doing that is so fun? If it's not chipping mortar off your fireplace, it's more fun than what I'm doing. Also, I hope it involves free Pledge.

[Carrie]

I actually had to make my husband pause the DVD that he was watching so I could read him the paragraphs that you wrote about your inability to manage single parenthood and putting GPS sensors in his shoes. Brilliant!

I was actually saying something similar to Liz last week- that in my normal life I'm a functional, professional, accomplished, well-traveled 32-year-old woman who can cope with pretty much anything. But in this life I'm all like "ahh, the kids are crying too much and wont eat their food and you must come home from work and save me NOW!!!". Seriously.

[Rafael]

We have a house next door to us that is a rental house. The people that rent it are moving out. It's a three bedroom house with a yard at the end of a private road.

Wouldn't it be nice . . . . .

Let me know if you want the name of the landlord.

[Jess]

You know where you COULD afford a bigger house with quieter neighbors? DENVER. Our house didn't cost anywhere NEAR $630,000. And it has five bedrooms. Just saying.