In which I surrender

Today was so rotten it was almost funny. No, it WAS funny, as evidenced by the numerous times I laughed out loud at my own predicament. That predicament being: Mother Of Two Children Who Woke Up Unbearably Early And Are, Therefore, Impossible To Wrangle Or Otherwise Cajole Into Obdience, PLS SEND WINE.

If I don't get Molly out of the babies' room as soon as she starts to jabber it's all over. Then Jack is awake (a full hour or more before he SHOULD be awake) and both my kids are so sensitive to the holy sleeping schedule that I know, right then, at 5:45 am, that our entire day is shot. That's why I knew it was totally okay to email my friend at 5:47 am to let her know that nope, we would not be meeting her at the park at 10:30. Sorry! Maybe next time!

Jack... well, I wrote about Jack for Parenting. So you'll have to wait.

And Molly. You know, sometimes I don't know how to write about Molly. Jack is easy. For Jack all I have to say is: Perpetually Cheerful. Even when he's not having a good day, Jack is fairly easy to amuse or comfort or figure out. He's a simple little dude. But Molly... it just depends on the day. Today, as it happened, she was Little Miss Clingy and Mademoiselle How Dare You Put Me Down. I tried to get a few things done anyway. Folding clothes, cleaning up the kitchen, clearing off the table, Swiffering. I actually managed to Swiffer the whole floor and they couldn't take that away from me, right? At that point in the day I had already composed several elaborate free-to-a-good-home Craigslist ads for both of them, and had quickly entertained thoughts of shipping them to Grandma's house for the remainder of the week. (OH GOD IT'S ONLY TUESDAY.) They were complete and utter pills. At least until after their nap (only an hour, btw, kill me now) and then Jack was all "Owsigh! Owsigh!" and Molly was all Hey, As Long As I Have This Rubber Scraper Jammed Into My Maw I'm Good. Which worked for me.

So after a day of Fits and Starts, I decided we'd go Owsigh! and camp in the front yard until Daddy got home. I filled up the five dollar kiddie pool, put new water in the water table, set out all the sandbox toys and propped Molly on a towel with the rubber scraper because God help the woman who tries to get her to play in WATER. Is that person INSANE?

Everyone was happy chewing and splashing and pecking away on their iPod Touches when it occurred to me that I hadn't taken any chicken out of the freezer for dinner. EEEEEXCELLENT. I couldn't just leave the kids outside, what with no fence and one flight of stairs between them and the freezer. And I couldn't ignore dinner because I'd already used my Free No Dinner Pass on Monday. So I marched us all inside again, took off shoes, begged certain people to leave their buckets outside, etc. Went upstairs, removed the chicken from the freezer and no one wanted to go outside again. I didn't blame them - it was nine hundred degrees outside and only 899 inside - but what was I supposed to do then?

I started dinner. I made zucchini bread with the first ugly zucchinis from my garden. I made two dinners that I knew wouldn't be eaten. I tried not to listen to the incessant crabbing coming from the living room. I tried not to look at the clock every thirty seconds. I focused on the fact that I was getting my toes done tonight with my moms group friends, lovely and fabulous women who do not whine or whimper or otherwise insist on me dropping whatever I am doing and immediately producing fruit snacks.

I was so tired. The oven was making my house even hotter. I was done. When Jack waltzed up to me all, "Want milk! Want milk! Want milk!" and WOULD NOT STOP WITH THE WANTING! MILK! I had to actually stop in my tracks and take a nice long deep breath. And that's when Molly started dragging herself into the kitchen, in search, as always, for her mama. Molly is above crawling, apparently, and prefers to butt-scoot across floors in the manner of a paraplegic riding a skateboard, and so quickly that her pudgy thigh is starting to chafe. She was wearing nothing but Lucy's too-small swim diaper (because I am nothing if not Annoyingly Optimistic about Molly enjoying water) and then I noticed she was leaving a large wet streak behind her. On my newly Swiffered floors. 

It was not drool. Or water, or Jack's milk. I scooped her up, her drenched little bottom wedged into the crook of my arm, and took her upstairs to get a new diaper. I laughed on the way. A slightly insane at-my-wits-end laugh. I mean COME ON. Really? Seriously? And when we were both cleaned up and I made it back downstairs with a giggly Molly, the pee streak was dry and I had no idea where I was supposed to wipe it up. I got the Swiffer out to do a nice general once over, but I was out of Swiffer juice. And Jack wouldn't eat his macaroni and cheese, only the PEAS and the FRUIT (what is this? OPPOSITE DAY?) and that's when I tilted my head to the sky and yelled, "YOU WIN, UNIVERSE! I SURRENDER!"

The universe then rewarded me with a husband arriving home moments later, a pedicure, some sympathetic and understanding friends, and it didn't hurt that Liz sent me home with these:

 

fudgy little mini cupcakes, with a white chocolate coating, on skewers, stuck in a glass of dark chocolate M & Ms and she is all mine you can't have her.

Comments

[C @ Kid Things]

I was having one of those days, too. The ones where you have to sit down and breathe or else you're seriously going to just LOSE IT.

I hope today is better. For both of us.

[Jess]

Oh man. I'm stressed just reading this. But thank god it happened on a day when you had some stress-busting activities already planned for the evening, you know?

[Carrie]

I'm glad you had a good evening to recover- having two little ones at home is awfully tough some (most) days, isn't it!

[Manda]

WOW WOW WOW.
and i get it.
and I WANT LIZ!

[Liz]

Good thing you got the Leine's label in the pic - represent!

[Elsha]

Ah yes, I hate those days. Knowing it's going to be a bad day when you wake up is the worst! Good thing you have all that chocolate though-- I want it!

[Christiana]

I so need a friend like that. Seriously.

I've had a lot of those days lately - so I am completely sympathetic. And I am really looking forward to the pedis and makeovers my mom and I are going for this weekend!!!

[Angela Noelle]

Oh my God... just... oh my God... At least they're adorable!

[Kate P]

I love happy endings. Especially when they involve pedicures.

[Linda]

This type of day seems like the norm lately. I blame it on the weather! I hate to complain because it's so nice but I mean, it's just so hot! and honestly, who has A/C in Seattle? NOT ME, I say!

[annie]

Wow Maggie. I feel like every day for the past week has been the one you just described. Tired. Hot. Cranky. Up at 5:45 yesterday. Up at FOUR today. Whining. Hitting. No, not hitting, throwing punches a la Mohammed Ali and nailing me right in the eye every time. Not sitting on the stair. Wanting juice. Not wanting juice. Wanting more blueberries. Not wanting blueberry pancakes. Wanting to do it by himself. Not wanting anything other than to be carried at the same time as Jake. The list goes on. I'm sorry you're going through it, but I'm happy I'm not alone.