Nothing else to say at 6 am

There comes a point when the wah-how-do-I-get-my-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night posts drastically decrease in interestingness, so I'm sorry to do this to you yet AGAIN, but WAH. HOW?

Last night after dinner I went to the beach with some friends and all three of us were looking at each other like, "You! You are in my situation! Do YOU know the answer?" This is me and my friend L, who lives with a husband and two children in a one bedroom condo. L's predicament makes me thankful I at least have TWO bedrooms.

The wild thinning hair, the drunken but not really drunk smile: these are the hallmarks of sleep deprived mothers everywhere. We hope.

The thing is, SOMETIMES Molly does great. SOMETIMES she goes to sleep right after downing her 3am bottle. SOMETIMES she even sleeps through! MOST of the time she goes right down at 7 or whenever we decide bedtime is that night (we've tried everything from 5:30 to 9) and saves a single wakeup for 3 or 4 am.

But other times, like last night, Molly wakes up, we give her a bottle because that seems to be the fastest way to get her to go back sleep, and she's awake for another hour or two. And other times, like the night before last, she DOESN'T go down quietly and I sit at the top of the stairs with my head on my knees talking myself through the crying.

And, like you've read a million times before, the only way we know how to deal with sleep issues is letting the kid work it out on her own. No wait. First we spend weeks if not months Discussing Strategy and wondering whether we will get divorced over the lack of sleep or divorced over TALKING about the lack of sleep, and THEN we leave the kid to cry it out. It worked for us, so well that we kicked ourselves for not trying it earlier, BUT WE CAN'T DO THAT THIS TIME. There's just no way I can let Molly cry anything out while Jack is sleeping in the room. Even if he were a heavy sleeper (which he's not, unfortunately) I'd feel awful.

I keep thinking the reason she did so well at my parents' house (one wakeup, at MIDNIGHT, sigh) was because she had her own space. (My parents' closet! But a much bigger closet than mine!) Jack slept well too and when my mom told me how they did I just felt DESPAIRING.

Last night Phillip and I took turns holding Molly and Phillip was ready to give her a SECOND bottle. We'd checked all the things to check (does YOUR baby still go poo in the middle of the night? This is making me NUTS.) and all was well, she just wasn't going back to sleep. I finally rocked the you know what out of her, the way I used to do with Jack, the way I used to do with Jack when I was pregnant and terrified that he was never going to fall asleep on his own EVER and I'd have to learn how to rock two babies to sleep AT ONCE.

Maybe there's my answer. Jack eventually learned to fall asleep on his own, and is now a terrific sleeper (as long as his sister isn't waking him up at all hours). I thought that was a near impossibility, so it should give me hope. Also the fact that Molly will not be influenced, cajoled, bribed, persuaded or otherwise forced to do ANYTHING she doesn't want to be doing. Remember how long it took us to get her to go to bed before midnight? Maybe sleeping through is something she'll start doing when she feels like it. And the only thing I can do is pray she feels like it sooner rather than later.

Inspired to be zen.

Because we are tired, Internet. Very very tired. I'm a morning person and even though I've already been up an hour, I'm pretty sure I could go back to bed and fall asleep instantly.

The only thing I can think of is sticking her in the pack and play in the living room and letting her cry it out in the middle of the night. But then am I "training" her to sleep somewhere other than her crib/room? I've also thought about leaving Jack with my parents so she can be as noisy as she wants, but it will likely take more than one night and I'm not sending Jack to a multiple-night Sleepover At Grandma's Camp (apparently my parents are fine with sleepovers at THEIR house).

If you have any ideas, L and I would like to know.

Molly and her fuh-reaky tongue say, "Good luck suckas!"

Comments

[Tara]

No real ideas, just sympathy. Even though our kids don't share rooms, they might as well for the noise factor. I have the hunch that (when she's not madly teething), Maya is the type of baby that could cry/fuss/with some parental help and become a better sleeper. But that isn't an option since their walls are paper thin and I end up rushing in there as soon as she's awake (FAIL). We've entertained the toddler-grandma-sleepover idea and might try it sometime this summer. We'll see.

Oh, and when Shea was a baby she pooped at night. Every night. Sometimes more than once. Oh wait, did she just fall asleep nursing? Maybe I can sneak her back into her crib? KABLOOIE. Poop. Awake.

How's that for a long comment?

[Ashley]

Fat the Bunny makes a reappearance! It appears he's being beaten into submission by Molly (much like her poor parents!).

[antonia]

hello!
No advice, just offering my sympathy. That sounds very tough. There is little that pierces a mother's heart like her baby who just wont.stop.crying (and in the middle of the night when you're tired and exhausted must be much more difficult). I only have one baby and he is 6 months old. We fully co-sleep which works well for us, but I know not everyone likes the idea of it.

Hope you work something out.

Nice to see Fat Bunny making a small apperance.

God Bless
xxx

[-R-]

If you find the answer, will you please let me know? My 7-month-old still wakes up three times a night. Sometimes it's poop-related, but sometimes it's just because he's crazy. This morning, he did his usual 4:30 am wake up and then would not go back to sleep. Help.

[Shelby]

I'm sorry to say I have no advice, but I just had to comment on that adorable picture of Molly! My friend was telling me the other night how smart God was to make her kids the cutest in the world, so that she would be less inclined to throttle them when they wouldn't go to sleep. Seeing that cute picture of Molly made me think of that. Good thing she's cute!

[Jess]

Oh man. I don't know. If it were me I would seriously be considering the multi-night sleepover at your parents' house. Really.

[Christiana]

Honestly? I am no expert, but I would do the living room thing. Or possibly even set up the crib in the living room so she gets used to the crib and then do that until she is sleeping through regularly. I have no idea if you have room in your living room for a crib and maybe that would be worse, but seriously, I get how badly you need sleep. I am very sympathetic.
I don't think that CIO is the be all and end all, but that has been the final solution for me. I do not get out of bed unless C is wailing at the top of her lungs now - which rarely happens.

[Brittany]

I don't have any good advice, really, except that I am totally one for the lazy way out and would probably co-sleep with the baby. I know this isn't for everyone, though, and probably not for you. So I'm very unhelpful. BUT! You look awesome! Totally jealous.

[Megan]

This is what my friend did whose kids are 18 months apart. She left the baby in the room and moved the older one.
Is Jack easy to move once he is asleep? You could let him sleep on your bed at bedtime, if Molly is fussy at that time, or let him start the night in his own bed if you can. Then, if she is fussy in the middle of the night, pick Jack up and put him on the couch, or even on an air mattress type set up on the floor of the living room...if he is already alseep and doesn't wake up he won't even notice the difference. Then Molly can have the room to cry if she wants. It is not a great solution (especially for Jack...as the oldest child I feel the pain of giving up your bed for your little sister!), but it might work until Molly is through this part of life and sleeping as well as her big brother.

[Lori]

I'm probably not going to be any help here, but you haven't mentioned anything about this so I'm going to try. Are you giving her anything to eat like cereal at night? I'm sure you're feeding her at dinner, but have you tried maybe a little bit more before you give her the bedtime bottle? If she's truly hungry in the middle of the night, she should be willing to eat at bedtime too. What about putting a little cereal in the bottle? I truly feel for you. I only had one, but he got up to eat in the middle of the night until he was about 2. We'd have periods of good sleep, but then another growth spurt and we'd have lots of wake-up time again. I think I would give the pack n play in the living room a try and let her cry it out if you've tried the extra food.

[Lindsay]

When I was a kid one of us would sometimes? often? (i don't remember) fall asleep in my parents bed and then be moved when we were sleeping back to the room with a sibling in it already. I quite liked it, and thought it was because my parents were being nice but maybe it was a sanity thing for them. I also noticed Fat the Bunny, and wish to say 'what up' to him.

[Nancy]

My little guy woke up "hungry" more at night at six months than he did when he was a newborn. Second kid but drove us crazy reading everything we could get our hands on - anything to get more sleep.

In the end, I read Ferber (of all people!) who was the one person who said, yes, your child IS hungry - here's how to switch their feeding times.

He maps out like a seven night approach but it only took two and our guy slept from 7pm til 6pm straight.

Sounds like you're going to try the playpen in the living room, which is a good idea. Also, when it came time to teach baby to sleep, we had the toddler stay with my parents for 4 nights.

She loved it and helped us cope better with the emotional stress of sleep training.

Good luck!