Aspirations

I am reading Anne Lamott's Bird By Bird. I'm less than halfway through, but this book has already replaced Stephen King's On Writing as my favorite book about writing. Not that On Writing isn't good. It's excellent. Bird By Bird just happens to be written especially for ME. Or, at least, it seems that way. 

Like every other blogger you know I entertain hopes of writing a novel one day. I have a thumb drive full of what I call "starts". Things I started writing until a month later when I discovered I hated all the characters, or it wasn't the story I wanted it to be, or I kept writing the first three pages over and over and over, or I realized I didn't have the life experience necessary, or, and I am not making this up, I couldn't figure out what to name my main character. 

I am terrified I will one day misplace this thumb drive or it will melt in a fire or a thief will make off with the storage box of loose papers and receipts and cards and notes where I keep it and I will lose them all. On the other hand, I am terrified of ever reading them again. They are THAT BAD.

But this is why Bird By Bird was written for me. I love Anne Lamott, by the way, and think her book Operating Instructions should be passed out at baby showers, and I swear she has taken all my writing neuroses and patted them down into paper and made me understand that everyone wants to burn their first draft. That it's okay. That you probably SHOULD. But only after you've written the second draft.

I didn't tell you that a few months ago, while I was sprawled on my bed waiting for the stomach flu to use up its 24 hours, I came up with my next "start". I don't know what it was about losing seven pounds in one day, but it just sort of came to me. I've been thinking about it ever since. I haven't written anything, of course. It's much easier to read books about writing than to actually write. 

Today I was telling someone that I'm afraid of resenting Phillip if and when he goes to grad school. Because he'll be doing this new and exciting thing and I will be home feeding children who don't want to be fed. (Seriously. These two cannot possibly be MINE.) We started talking about what else is out there. My little online world, obviously. My devotion to the internet runs deep. Certain family or churchy pursuits. But I have to say I don't envy Phillip's career or his hours away from our house or his hopeful upcoming opportunity to write heaps of papers. Those aren't things I want to do. If there is anything Else, it's probably something I will write. 

(How nice for me, huh? The luxury of choosing Art over Paycheck. Sometimes I think I could just retitle this blog First World Problems.)

I know a million people think they have a novel in them. All of them write better than I do. For SURE all of them have more drive in their pinky fingers than I do in my entire being. I rather like whiling my afternoons away in the front yard, blowing bubbles and digging in the new sandbox. Spending naptime on the treadmill thinking about My Book and then going upstairs not to write, but to eat lunch in front of brain-rotting television (au revoir LC!) and maybe think some more about My Book. I really do have to name my main character. I am not a likely author, is what I'm saying. Bird By Bird is convicting me, but I still have to write. 

Anyway. I am sitting here using Phillip's laptop while he cleans up the entire kitchen, a pile of unstuffed cloth diapers in front of me. There's always an excuse not to start writing, and this time it's 1) wanting to post something for Tuesday and 2) twelve stretched out BumGenius one size pocket diapers. 

Comments

[Christiana]

I am dying to read your novel. Seriously. Will read anything you write. :) My biggest dream that will likely never happen (even bigger than the summer-long Euro tour) is to write either a screen play (actually, a TV series would be better) or a novel. I switched my major to Journalism because people told me that way I could write for a living (I forgot, though, that I would have to write non-fiction to do so. There goes that major).

Can you do the outline thing, so you have a vague idea of plot and then do the 15 minutes a day thing? I'm told that works as a starter.

[Jess]

I want to write about my experience in Senegal, and I have started, but there's so much to say all at once so I need to figure out some sort of narrative arc. Or stop thinking of it as a narrative and just get it all out and then see. But it doesn't all seem to want to come out. I don't know.

[Manda]

Bird By Bird is an awesome book.
Sigh sigh sigh I HEAR YOU SISTER.

[Tara]

Good for you for pursuing your aspirations in one way or another. That's been really hard for me-- feeling like I have to "shelf" non-mommy interests. Hopefully soon I will be able to revive them. Or else I might end up trying to stuff my head into a pocket diaper.

LOVE Anne Lamott. She rocks. I haven't read Bird by Bird yet, though I've read several others (including Operating Instructions). I have several friends expecting babies in a few months, though I think they might be a little too conservative to appreciate the book. ;-)

Keep writing!

[Lisa]

Have you read Anne Lamott's "Plan B"? Because if you haven't, I will send it to you. I'm serious. I need to get it out of my house. I have read a few of her books, and she's funny and insightful. But so much of her writing is dripping in bitterness and politics (that don't gel with mine, obviously), so it's not exactly a book that I will read again. It's weird that she makes me laugh and makes me furious all in the same page. Anyway, if you want it, it's yours. Just email me and I'll send it to you.

[Charlotte]

Writing is sort of like running. The process? Well, if you're doing it right the process kind of sucks. Hard. The joy comes from the end result. When you're panting, drenched in sweat but just ran twice around the lake or when you put that last period on your first draft, that's what makes it all worth it.

[kirida]

Have you ever thought about a writer's retreat? There are great ones in the area like Hedgebrook. My husband and I did a week-long one at the Iowa Writer's Workshop, but there are weekend workshops, too. The Iowa one is the best, hands down. If you ever want to read phenomenal fiction, I'll lend you the anthology: http://bit.ly/GjuWm

[Erin]

I love Ann Lamott too. Operating Instructions was my first book I read of hers and I fell in love. And I don't hear too many people bring it up. I'm glad to hear you loved it too!

[Jen @ The Short Years]

I got up early so I could work on my novel, but then started reading blogs, and had just about decided I was tired and should go back to bed...and then I read this post. Thanks. I will now be closing Firefox and opening Word.