Randomish

Today I am supposed to go to playgroup in the morning and meet up with another friend and her two kids in the afternoon. That is a lot for me. PLAYGROUP is a lot for me. But Molly woke up earlyish meaning she'll take her morning nap in the actual MORNING, so I might actually accomplish these things.

Maybe. I'm pretty tired. Yesterday was one of those Why Sleep When I Can Coerce My Mom Into Holding Me All Day Long With My Teeny Tiny Lungs Of Frightening Capacity? There was no napping yesterday (none) (at all) (woe) and by the time my in-laws showed up I pretty much handed them the baby and disappeared. To Target, of course, where I bought a pair of cheapo jeans in my regular size. And a four dollar outfit for Molly. Retail therapy works, you know.

Phillip tells me it's snowing outside. I'm afraid to look. Maybe I won't be going out after all.

So. Here's a question, because some friends were talking about it the other night and because I am curious and because I've got nothing today (can you tell?) A certain preschool my friends and I are interested in has a birthday cutoff date of August 31. Molly was born September 1. You can see this potentially poses a problem.

I can't say I'm all that worried about it NOW. I don't think making sure my kid gets into that particular preschool at that particular moment is all that big a deal. I reserve the right to change my mind, but I'm not All About Preschool as many moms of toddlers seem to be. I'm not criticizing or anything, I'm just not really interested yet. I don't need it for childcare and, quite frankly, sending Jack to preschool before he's three just sounds like more work. And you know how I feel about work. (Oh, and I have no interest in one of those coop preschools. If my kid is going to go to preschool that means I get TIME OFF, not hours spent planning and learning and reading into testy emails sent by other coop moms.)

But! I can see how this will be an issue when it's time to start kindergarten. Even if the cutoff date is sometime in September or October, I'm still going to have either a very young kindergartner or the oldest kid in the class.

Anyway. I bring this up because my instinct was to get Molly into the class. I, after all, had a July birthday and it wasn't any big deal. I never felt behind or immature or anything like that. But! Several of my friends said they'd wished they hadn't been the youngest kid in class, that they'd had an extra year, even later on when it was time for high school and college. Another year under their belts would have benefitted them greatly.

As they were talking all I could think about was me at fourteen, counting down the days until I was allowed to leave for college. (Sorry Mom!)

I know the right answer is, "It depends on the kid." This is what my parents said, at least, and they are Professional Teachers. But I thought I'd ask you what you did with your kids/planning to do with your kids. Were you younger or older? Do you think you should have delayed the start of school?

Comments

[Jess]

My sister has a September birthday, and she was the youngest kid in her class, and then she skipped a grade because she was ahead academically AND maturity-wise. So then she was REALLY the youngest kid in her class, by over a year, and it was fine. She graduated high school at 16 and took a year off to go abroad to Spain. It was great for her.

So yeah, it does depend on the kid, and you know, if they end up feeling that they don't want to go to college that young or whatever, there are other options. So really unless you can tell by the time it becomes an issue whether your personal child would benefit more from preschool at the younger age or not, it probably makes the most sense to just decide based on what works for the family, and things can always be evened out later.

[Carrie]

I really think 1) it totally depends on the kid and 2) it's a very different issue for boys and girls. My best friend teaches first grade, and she will probably stop speaking to me forever if we dont hold Ethan out of school until he's 6 (he's a mid-August) baby. Because boys are especially not ready for school at barely 5, no matter how smart they are. We were planning to keep him out anyway, so it's not a big deal.

One thing I hadn't thought of (again, this pertains to boys, not girls) was a thought that a friend of mine told me- her husband was the youngest in his class, almost a year younger than the rest of the kids, and it was a problem for him as a guy. he got picked on a lot and made fun of in the locker room and couldn't do sports as well in gym class, all because he was a year behind physically, which is huge when you're a teenage guy. Given that our son is probably going to be on the small side anyway, this just reinforced our plan to keep him out a while longer.

This is going to mean for us that his little sister, who will be 21 months younger will only be a year behind in school. But I think it's still going to be the better option. Maybe plans will change by then, but that's what we're thinking now!

[morgan s]

I am not sure what the answer is to this question. I am wondering about a similar issue. My girls are 19 months apart and, though I don't know the exact cutoff dates, I am wondering if they will be two years apart in school or one.... I think I will do my best to ensure they are two years apart...spread it out a bit. It would be too much teenage drama to have a junior AND a senior in high school at once!

[Manda]

I'm having the same dilemma!! Sydney's b-day is August 28 (again, I keep forgetting how close in age our girls are!!)and I wonder ... should she be the oldest or the youngest? I'm leaning toward youngest but as you say, we'll see how it goes. I was always younger than all my friends and I did fine (but it had nothing to do with my birthday I just tended to befriend older people. WHICH SUCKED when they graduated high school and LEFT ME).

[ashley.star]

Dude, all I know is - I LOVED being the first of my friends to drive. :)

(My birthday is in October, the same day as Arwen's daughter, actually!)

Mike's birthday is August 31st, and his parents held off kindergarten for a year, because "Boys develop later." My brother, July 31st birthday, started kindergarten when he was 6, as well. (Although, my teacher education classes DID really say that girls are far more social earlier than boys - which probably contributes to success in school.)

I am not helping at all, just telling you pointless facts about my family. Oops.

Oh, but one more thing! Just to be totally nonlinear and confusing - because Mike started school late, and took 5 years to finish college - he's a little older than the average person in his position. He's all, "OMG! I am 28.5 years old! I don't have a permanent career yet! Halp!" So, there's that, too.

[Heather]

My son is a June baby and we thought about holding him back but decided not to. We would rather him be challenged younger rather than bored in high school. His kindergarten year was a struggle but now that he is a 1st grader he is near the top of his class and is doing great.

I wouldn't worry about it to much though it is more of an issue with boys than it is girls. Good Luck!!

[Jen]

I was one of the youngest in the class and I was also small and tiny. So I got picked on a lot. I think age and size-wise it would have been good for me to be a year later, but I was already pretty bored at school, so that wouldn't have been good.

[Elizabeth]

Eli is going to preschool in September of 2010, so he'll be three and half. I started freaking out about how old he'd be and if we chose the right school etc etc etc, and then I decided I simply did not have the emotional reserves to add another freak out item to the list of current freak out items and I've tried not to worry about it.
My only question is - should I have signed him up for the daycarish preschool in Mr. E's building? Since Mr. E has done ZERO research on said day care, I have decided not to worry about that either and to stick with the co op as originally planned.
I look forward to interpreting testy co op emails. (Actually the nice thing about our co op is that you can participate less, you just pay more. So I can choose whichever one works better for us down the road - money versus time.)

[Kate P]

October baby here--always at the youngest end of the class. I attended nursery school a couple mornings a week, and when I started Kindergarten in September I was about a month shy of my 5th b-day. I still can't believe that, but I was reading already. (Ironically, Mom said school told her I failed my "reading readiness" test. . . I was probably just rebelling against the establishment.)

My older brother, on the other hand, has a January b-day and my parents delayed him (what Ashley's hubby's parents said), so he was at the oldest end of the class. He is very outgoing, and I am fairly shy, but I think we were like that even before we went to school. If anything I would've liked my parents to help me cope more with being shy and overwhelmed, instead of pushing me to fit in.

It seems as if the cutoff is earlier every year; personally, I think it depends on the individual child (but good luck convincing school). When I was student teaching, my mentor teacher explained to me that the a.m. kindergarten class was the "younger" kids, because they would be done at lunchtime so it wasn't a "long day" for them. She said they were a little more "babyish" but honestly I didn't see a difference between a.m. & p.m.

I have no idea what a co-op preschool is--I went to the nursery school run by the Lutheran church down the street!

[Kate]

The cutoff in the UK is the end of August, I'm an October baby, I went to school as the VERY youngest (a year ahead of what should have been, private schools will bend the rules if they see fit). I was ready for school but too young, I did 2 years and then they kept me back a year to put me back with my peers. When I went to boarding school at 11 they put me up a year again (withheld the letter giving me a place as they couldn't decide, it was nail biting waiting to see if I'd passed!) Then after a term they put me down a year group (to where I should have been for age) which was traumatic.
I'm now a teacher - so my professional and personal opinion is strong in this area given my experiences. I think that a child should be with their chronological peers if possible. That said it never does a child any harm to be the oldest in a group - where sometimes the younger ones may struggle due to the level of maturity. If a child is on the cusp of the cutoff I'd be inclined to keep them down a year - particularly if there is a reason (not for Molly) for any form of delay (like adoption). My daughter is adopted and after I'd recovered from the shock of referral my second reaction was that she was also an October birthday and so would be 'good and old' in the year group (yes, I feel that strongly about it!)
Hope that helps,
Kate in Wales

[Christina]

My girls are both June babies. I enrolled them both when they were very young 5's. With K (my oldest) it was a good decision - she started reading at 4 and probably would even benefit from skipping a grade. But with R, it's a different story. Socially, she was totally ready, I think. (Though she does play with younger kids at recess) But academically things are tougher for her and now that she's in 2nd grade and her teacher expects her to sit still all day and be really focused, she's having a hard time. I know some of it may be ADHD, but I really think a big part of it is her age and I wish now that we had kept her in preschool one more year. (Also, I don't see the pressure to start preschool so young. It WAS more work for me than when they were home and the benefits weren't that great, at 3 years old).

[lee]

as another julyist i got slotted back a grade, repeating preschool because apparently i wasn't socialized enough for kindergarten. but i was too smart for first grade when i got there, so i skipped second grade and didn't get to go on the big aquarium field trip. i was still top-class and a big guy even a grade up, but you can see how i turned out with the whole "social skills" thing.

[Kathleen]

My grandma and great aunt both taught elementary school and suggested to my parents to hold both my brother and I back (I was 3 days before my cut off, my brother was 2 weeks before his). We both did well in school and never had any issues with being amongst the oldest (we both had other classmates in the same situation).
My husband's birthday was a month before the cut off and his parents sent him. We were in the same class so I'm actually almost a year older than him. He did well in school, but has always felt a little weird being so young. It's never been a problem, but kind of weird when most everyone else could drive and he couldn't and got to vote the first time and he couldn't- stuff like that.
My friend's daughters are in a similar situation. She held the older one back but sent the younger one early. The older one wasn't ready, but the younger one was more than ready after watching her sister.
I've always heard it should be more of a consideration with boys than with girls. I feel it should very much be an individual decision when the kid is old enough to see if they can handle it or if they need a little extra time to mature.

[Emily]

So, I have been reading for a while now (creeper much?) but never commented before because I didn't have anything worthwhile to contribute. BUT, this is something I actually know about. My birthday is August 29 and when the time rolled around for my parents to decide what to do with me (which, honestly, I think they did a few weeks before the start date, so you're way ahead) they realized that I missed the cutoff. But, we were moving in a few months to a state where I would have made the cutoff so they put me in Montessori until we moved. They either thought I was really ready or my mom really wanted to get rid of me for a few hours a day. I always liked being younger. I didn't mind not driving until after everyone. I graduated at 17 and started college at 17. In fact, I always felt like it was kind of awkward for people who were still in high school at 18 to technically be adults but still be being treated like kids... It was somewhat contradictory. So I'm glad I didn't have to deal with that. All in all, the only thing that has bothered me about being young is that all my friends are 12-15 months older, so when their big birthdays (18 and 21 mainly) rolled around and they went out I couldn't participate in the celebration. That's really the only downside I can think of.
I hope this helps!

[Dooneybug]

I'm kind of in the same boat as you since my daughter has an Aug. 22nd birthday. She'll be able to get in under the deadlines but that age old question of "is she ready?" will have to be asked as we get closer. The problem is I don't think you really know if they're ready until you try it. Mostly because you have to register them so far in advance there's no way to tell. My son is going to be 3 in June and I already had to register him for pre-school last week - a whole 7 months before it starts. A lot can change in 7 months. And all the preschools in my town require the kids to be potty trained so keep that on your radar too. I'm just glad we started training him soon after he turned 2 so that I don't feel pressured to get him trained quickly. I have a friend who is in that boat right now.

I'm a January baby so I'm right smack in the middle of the pack. Both my kids are summer baby's so they are going to be the younger ones in class. My husband was a July baby and he never felt like he had any issues (other then not turning 18 with the rest of his classmates and getting to do what 18 year old's can do which, IMO, isn't much).

[Dr. Maureen]

I'll chime in with my own "it depends on the kid" claim, and add my voice to the "girls are usually ready earlier than boys" group. Of course, this is all hearsay on my part; I am a February baby and the cutoff when I went to school was Dec. 31, so I was one of the oldest in my grade and I liked it. Andrew was born in December and he went to school early, but then they moved when he was 8 or so, and his mom had him repeat the 2nd or 3rd grade or whatever it was, and his mom says that it was life-altering because when he was the youngest, he thought he was *supposed* to be dumb, and being the oldest helped him achieve.

But anyway, I would say it's probably best to wait and see how mature she is when she is four. Or two, I guess, if we're discussing pre-school.

[Jenn]

I don't know anything about the birthday cutoff, I was skipped from kindergarten right into first grade, so I was always the youngest. And oh, did it suck.

[lauren]

ooohhh, this topic is at the front of my mind right now, since we'll be moving back to America from the UK in September. Noah has a July birthday. He has been in British kindergarten all year (they start when they're 4), but we've totally not taken it at all seriously because we knew he'd at least be repeating kindergarten when we got back to the states. Now we're thinking that we'll put him in preschool for another year, and start him in kindergarten when he's 6.
Of course, for us, there are also other considerations besides him being one of the youngest or oldest in his class. Sawyer is 20 months younger, and we'd like them to be 1 school year apart, so that they can go to the same school more. And honestly, I'd just like one more year of not worrrying about attendance or waking up at the crack of dawn.
I think it'll all come down to what is best for your children and your family as a whole.

[Redbecca]

How strange, we are going through the same thing. DS is late-August, short, and an introvert. Provided the school can challenge him enough mentally, we will totally be keeping him back a year when the time arrives. The points in his favor is that daycare is full-time and run by a former 1st grade teacher, and she runs the place more like preschool for the older kids, so they have an idea of what to expect when they go to the real deal. I hope this will help when it comes time for kindergarten, too. I think as you get closer to it you will have to evaluate Molly from a physical and emotional standpoint and go from there.

[Kanuck]

I was one of the youngest kids (late Dec. birthday, Dec.31 cutoff, thus started kindergarten at 4.5), and was bored most of the way through school. I was a bit socially awkward as a kid, but don't think that would have changed by being held back - I seem to recall myself as more of the nerdy/perfectionist type of kid, not the "doesn't know how to share"-type. If I had been held back, I can imagine I would have been even more bored and tuned out, so I'm glad I started when I did.

[Pippi]

I haven't read the comments, but I'll give my 2 cents anyway :)

My general rule, as a teacher and as someone with a September birthday who was always the oldest in my class, late is better than early. You start school with so many more skills that you can really be set up well for the rest of your school career.

Obviously it really comes down to your kid and who they are, but I see so many parents who want their kid to be first at this, the youngest to do that, etc. that I just want to say slow down! Give them an extra year to play! In many ways it's a gift to be born right after the cut-off. You can keep that extra, glorious year or, if you think your child will benefit from starting early, you can probably pull some strings :)

[Sarah in Ottawa]

The cutoff here is December 31st, and I am an October baby, so I was one of the youngest. It's funny - my husband and both my parents are 'end of year' kids (September, October and November, respectively) so we were all young but it didn't hurt any of us scholastically.

Now my Dad was tiny for his age and they had him skip several grades, so he had a miserable time socially. This (and the reluctance of my teacher Mom) prevented my parents from having me move ahead a grade, something for which I am very grateful.

Our little monkey was born on January 20th, so it'll be strange having a child who will be one of the oldest in his class. After having read "Outliers", I wonder how this will affect his performance?

[Colleen]

Speaking as a teacher, the kids with more maturity tended to be more successful in all areas; academic and social.

But, of course, it depends on the kid. :)

[Lindsay]

What if you put her in when she's young,while keeping a healthy perspective that she may need to repeat due to said youngness. My thought is that she will be on the tails of Jack in so many things in life, would it be odd if she were a full two years behind in school? Also, maybe she will be an old soul for her age what with hanging out with Jack all the time? My last thought would be that I always felt bad for kids who were in a grade with one group for school but in a different league for sports because of age requirements.

[Angela Noelle]

First, I have three pair of jeans that I absolutely love amongst a plethora of "meh" jeans. Two of those three are from Target. Just saying, Target rocks ;)

Second, I was younger than some of the kids in the grade below me and I always kind of loved it. Sure, sometimes it sucked, like making it harder to get into clubs when I was 17 and in college, but over all, I never had a problem with it.

[Christiana]

I was an Aug 23rd b-day and one of the youngest in the class. I did ok, but remember a major drama in 1st grade when I was 6 and some of my classmates were turning 7 in the fall and they called me a baby. My mom always said she wished she'd held me back and I had as many friends in the class below me (including my best friend - now my husband) than I did in my own class.

I had a friend who has a Sept 1 bday and her mom is a teacher and shoved her in under the deadline and also skipped her a grade - I think she skipped kindergarten (which hardly anyone recommends, btw because kindergarten is supposed to be about way more than just academics) and she really struggled in high school and was SO incredibly immature for her age.

It totally depends on the kid - and the school. If you have a school that is going to let you know when they see problems, etc. you're going to be better off.