They sent me home from the hospital.
Phillip is napping upstairs and my poor sister is sleeping on the couch, except she's not really sleeping because I'm down here with the TV on mute and the lamp on and I'm typing an angsty blog post about how the worst happened and I was sent home from the hospital.
Okay, not the WORST.
Also, if any of this post happens to make sense, you should be super impressed because I am all hopped up on a shot of morphine mixed with something that is making me verrrrrry sleepy.
I had 3 hours of pretty regular though very manageable contractions starting at 5 in the morning. And then... nothing. Maybe 2 or 3 per hour all day. Around 5 in the evening they picked up again, big time, or at least it felt that way to me. I started to get nervous. They were manageable, but getting closer and closer together. After about an hour and a half of that we went to the hospital, because everyone was of the opinion that we should go. And at the hospital things sort of calmed down. And they checked me. And told me I was barely 2 cm dilated. And if there wasn't a change when they came back to check me in an hour, I'd be going home.
So here I am.
It's as horrible a feeling as I thought it would be. A big chunk of Failure mixed with Embarrassment and a large helping of Wuss. When I showed up at the hospital with Jack I was 5-6 cm dilated. Which is no big thing, but a whole lot more progress than Barely 2. But I was worried, you know? Things seemed to be happening much faster this time and I had all the Baby Born 10 Minutes After Arriving At Hospital stories floating around in my brain.
But now I'm home. I was told to sleep, but even though whatever they gave me is lovely and drowsy, when a contraction does hit I have to open my eyes and deal. Perhaps it's taking the edge off, I'm not sure, but I don't see how I'm going to sleep through those. I'm trying not to worry too much about when I am supposed to go back. I think with Jack I assumed it was going to take forever and I would stay at home as long as I could. I don't have that mindset this time- I'm all about knowing when to go to the hospital. So I jumped the gun. How is it possible that I did a better job of handling this the first time?
What if the contractions totally go away and I am not really in labor at all?