Stick a fork in me

I am done feeding the baby. DONE. I think I'm going to invent some kind of strap on food chute down which I will pour pureed peas and melted ice cream and the cans of chicken broth taking up space in my cupboards because we no longer cook.

You know, it's not like I expected breastfeeding to be easy. I expected weeks, if not months, of pain and suffering. What I didn't prepare for was the logistics of breastfeeding and the multiple ways it will drive you insane, even if it doesn't hurt. For me, there was the two weeks of tube feeding (did I tell you about that? No? I was still trying to avoid the boob talk, probably. NO LONGER, INTERNET!) Then there was the baby who took over an hour to eat. Then there was the turning black and falling off episode. And now? I believe we have entered the Distraction Phase. And I am going to sign myself into the asylum.

I didn't think it could be the distraction phase at first. Because the bookshelves have ALWAYS been there. The Four Flowers of China in their black and white frames have ALWAYS been there. The sun? Shining through the windows? Causing the shadows and glares? COMMON OCCURRENCE IN THE SUMMER, the only season he's ever known! But just this afternoon I was attempting to force lunch down the child's gullet and his father just happened to walk by. It was like WHO'STHATWHO'STHATIMUSTSEEEEEE! and lunch was effectively over. Damn Phillip and this whole work-from-home-on-Wednesdays thing.

But seriously. It is driving me nuts. I can't feed him in public, not because I am worried about modesty, but because he is so annoyingly loud and squirmy. He cannot abide having a blanket over his head, but he won't just lie there and eat. He eats for ten seconds and then yanks his head back (taking me along, of course) just to get a look at whatever he was looking at ten seconds ago. Or sometimes he'll be staring, all contented and glassy eyed, and suddenly he starts squawking. For no reason! It's the same food! In the same container! It's not like it tastes different or anything. And sometimes he'll just eat a little bit and stop. Eat a little bit and stop. Eat a little bit, smile to himself, and stop. Oh, and the WORST thing is when he just wants to PLAY. When I am all "For the love of God, EAT!" and he is all, "Slurp! Smile! Kiss! Violently shake my head from side to side while grinning at my frustrated mom!" Of course, as soon as he starts acting up, mealtime is over. He refuses to calm down and finish. So I end up feeding him for ten minutes, shoving him at his father and worrying about how soon he's going to want to eat again because he didn't fill up last time.

It's a perfect example of the Once You Think You Have It Figured Out, Baby Will Change! header in the parenting books. Because until this last week, I thought things were going swimmingly. It really doesn't hurt anymore, I'm more confident in public, I'm positive he's letting me know when he's hungry and eating well. But now he's only eating a few minutes at a time and I'm worrying about whether he's getting enough. He doesn't always want to eat again at the right time. Or he does, but he doesn't seem ravenous like I'd assume. At my moms group this morning there were babies who are eating every 1-2 hours and babies who are eating every 4 hours during the day and sleeping all night. (Where do I get one of those?) When Jackson is being NORMAL, he eats about every three hours during the day. In the last week (coincidence?) he's starting to stretch his nighttime sleep, though not at all consistently. Then there was the day when he was eating every 4 hours and sleeping nearly all the time in between. WHAT IS GOING ON?

I hate to say "Jackson does ________" because I still don't see a pattern. I feed him when he's hungry, and that could be two hours or nearly five hours. He's sleeping more at night, but sometimes the long stretch is early evening, sometimes it's early morning.

We're also starting to distinguish between hungry fussing and tired fussing. Even though he's been a cranky distracted super annoying eater all day, I'm positive he's tired right now. And Phillip just came downstairs to say he's asleep in his crib. We'll see how long THAT lasts.

Some friends of mine were talking about that Babywise book the other day and because I'd never heard of it, I looked it up. Sounds deliciously controversial! But from a purely practical point of view, I don't see how you even begin to implement that kind of program. My baby is nearly three months old and I still don't see us having a regular schedule any time soon- the idea of having him scheduled from birth boggles the mind. I never know what we're doing. I shoot for a midmorning nap and an afternoon nap, but I'm lucky if I can get him to go down at all.

Then again, before I had a baby I couldn't comprehend these people sharing all their "what works for us" stories. I thought that they must spend their entire days devising new and varied strategies for coping with fussy eaters and babies who won't sleep. That couldn't possibly be the case, right? Seemed like every mom had a different way of doing something, and it always sounded like they'd arrived at their preferred plan after heaps and gobs of trial and error. Were there even enough days and weeks to experience that much error? Turns out: YES INDEED. I most definitely DO spend my entire day thinking up how to do the next thing better. My little brain is working overtime: "Well, THAT feeding went horribly, what if we try THIS at the next feeding!" and if you are doing that every single time, then of course you have enough experience to draw from. In other words, I HAVE NO LIFE.

Anyway. The newest struggle is the eating thing. I can't deal. I don't know how many times in the last couple of days I've sworn at the baby (what? He doesn't speak English yet!) and tossed him into his father's lap because I AM DONE.

Then, just to spite me, he starts smiling at me from across the room and I can't even accuse him of taunting me because it is the cutest thing I've ever seen. Talk about a pushover.

Comments

[Kate]

Yikes, I have a hard enough time trying to plan MY meals (tonight? frozen pizza last night? well, frozen pizza), I can't imagine trying to get a baby to follow a plan/eat right.

[Stefani]

I am vividly remembering those days! I recorded every detail in a nursing log book in a futile attempt to recognize patterns. Maybe I should have used a scientific calculator, but I never saw any rhyme or reason to our feeding or napping schedule. By the time a pattern emerged, a tooth would come in or we'd all get colds, and then we were off to the next phase. One day at time became (and still is) my mantra.

[Stevie]

May I highly recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth? It won't help with eating issues but in my opinion it's the best for sleep issues. My first daughter would not sleep for months and by the time I got to this book I'd read them all. This was by far the most helpful and made the most sense to me! As far as eating, you hit the nail on the head when you said once you think you've figured them out, they change! Just go with it and remember there will come a day when he'll stop nursing and I know it's hard to believe right now but you'll miss it so much!

[Arwen]

Don't even get me started on Babywise. That horror is controversial for a reason. And the the idea that pushing your baby around from birth is Biblical makes my theology-major self want to throw things. Grrr.

On a happier note, when Camilla was about two months old she started eating for no more than five minutes at a time, ever. The pattern continues to this day, and yet she's been growing like a weed the whole time. Babies are amazingly efficient when they're nursing, and they won't stop eating if they're really hungry. Don't worry!

It is still really annoying, though, I know. You have all my sympathies.

[Jennifer]

Along the same lines as A--if all else fails trust the baby.

He'll fall into some sort of discernible pattern that you can build around if you let him.

In the meantime, darkened bedroom, in bed for feeding?

I've got a baby vocalizing away in the other room during her "naptime"---just when I had this 7AM nap nailed down she decides that it is time better used practicing her scales...

[Dooneybug]

I'm basically regurgitating everything Arwen said so....

I certainly remember that distraction phase. It is downright frustrating to have the child popping on and off. At one point I ended up having to take him off where no one else was because the distraction factor was too much.

Once babies get about 2-3 months old, they can become pretty darn efficient about breastfeeding. What used to take 30-40 minutes for my son's feeding started only taking 8 minutes total. It's completely normal! I also noticed that after a bit, my breasts never felt "full" but there was plenty of milk as proof by his growth. Just look at it this way, shorter breastfeeding sessions = more time to do something else. And that distraction thing will pass in time. If he's hungry, he'll eat!

[Rosie_Kate]

Hmmm... Just wait until he gets to the "pinching and squeezing" stage. And the "chomping" stage. And the "drive by" stage. It only get's better, babe! Children have a talent for finding increasing ways to make you bonkers the older and more capable that they get!

[Maureen]

Oooh! My Jack is at the "pinching and squeezing" stage. It sucks. And I, too, have had to leave the room to nurse at times, because the people are just too distracting. Also sucks. As for schedules, may I refer you to my post about schedules when Jack was three months old?
http://gradlabadventures.blogspot.com/2007/01/exploit-this.html

Yeah, he didn't have one. He does now, though, so hang in there.

Also, you've probably already tried this, but can I suggest a blanket over his head that will hopefully cut down on the distractions? If he allows it, that is?

[karianne]

Mine are so spiteful too! It must never end, because there are times when I am also SO DONE and then they'll just look so damn cute. Frustration time! Sometimes I want to say, "Don't look at me!"

PS. Have I told you lately what a great job you are doing? Remember that even when you're not feeling like you're doing so great, you really are!