Oh tell me why! We see castles in the sky!

Last night Phillip and I played Dance Dance Revolution. By ourselves. Because we are THAT AWESOME.

Phillip bought an Xbox right before we got married. Because he knew it was his last chance to buy horrifically expensive frivolous gadgetry. And two Christmases ago he bought me my very own DDR game mat, because he wanted one for himself. I think we tried it out a few times, then we folded up the game mat and stored it in the back cupboard with the 97 crystal vases we received as wedding gifts. And I was all, "Next year I'm buying him the complete Dar Williams discography AND DVD gift set. We'll see how he likes THAT."

We didn't pull out the DDR again until a few weeks ago, when we celebrated the Interior Designer's birthday. Since we danced to Darrin's Dance Grooves at the Interior Designer's last birthday party, it wasn't such a surprise that she and her husband and the other goofy people in attendance wanted to try DDR.

So the Interior Designer got her groove on and her husband nearly put holes in my floor with all the stomping and Phillip was suspiciously excited and Sean was... well, Sean was freakishly good. So much that I was thinking he may spend his Saturday evenings at Gameworks competing against the skinny Asian kids with faux-hawks and t-shirts they bought online.

As there wasn't enough gin in the house to get me to participate, I sat there with the only other person in attendance who was Above It All. We stuck our noses in the air and watched these fools trip all over the place and get themselves ridiculed by a video game. (The game! Makes fun of you! And still they play!)

Then we folded up the mat and put it away.

Last Saturday I was kicking it at Fellow Bridesmaid's house with Neighbor and Fellow Bridesmaid and Fellow Bridesmaid's totally adorable new baby while our respective husbands were huddled around my television watching Ong Bak: Thai Warrior. (GAH.) We were doing GIRL things, like discussing post-partum bodies, paint colors and eating our weight in snap peas and hummus when Fellow Bridesmaid's husband came home. We scornfully asked if they had a good time (scornfully because SERIOUSLY. ONG BAK: THAI WARRIOR.) and Neighbor and I got ready to leave. Fellow Bridesmaid's husband then casually mentioned that while they were waiting for a few of the guys to show up, they played a round or two of DDR.

(We are married to these people. Draw your own conclusions.)

When I got home I fully expected to find a gaping hole between the first and second floors of my house and my next door neighbor standing outside with the police discussing how to permanently evict us. What I did NOT expect was Phillip's glowing praise of Fellow Bridesmaid's husband's mad rad DDR skillz. "He's awesome!" Phillip gushed. "He said that if you have to do a move like this-" (he demonstrated it for me) "- and then you have a move like this-" (yet another demonstration) "-you can use your KNEES." He then looked at me with starstruck wonder in his eyes, waiting for me to fully realize and appreciate Fellow Bridesmaid's husband's remarkable DDR prowess.

I was unmoved. I made him fold up the mat and get me a bowl of ice cream while I watched House.

Then LAST night, when Neighbor and her husband came over to get a DVD of the Korea soccer game (that's right Internet, we burn DVDs in this house, but half the time they don't work so don't come knocking), the mood... it suddenly struck. What came over me?! (I blame Cristiano Ronaldo and whose dreamy 19-year-old face has been making me sort of woozy.) (Shut up.) The Neighbors had their wits about them and went home before it got too krazy, but I actually got off my ass and attempted my own song. AND I CLEARED IT.

So what if it was on "Light". So what if it was only, like, 15 BPM? I WAS AWESOME.

I was also sweating like I'd just finished my own soccer game. Man, that is some hard work, people. Here's the trick: don't hang out in the middle spot like a moron. MOVE! Dance around! Count out loud! Use your left foot to do a right arrow! Look like you FEEL IT! I did 'After The Game Of Love' and 'Castles In The Sky' and some other wacked out quasi-techno songs (it's all about the song) and Phillip started complaining that I was HOGGING THE GAME. What a BABY.

He wanted to do all the HARD songs because he fancies himself a DDR god. (And while he is Asian, he is no skinny Asian kid with a faux-hawk and a secret life conducted in downtown arcades.) And when I got tired and started to realize that I looked like an IDIOT, an idiot with SWEAT STAINS on her high school basketball T-SHIRT, and said, "NO MORE OF THIS INSANITY" he ignored me and KEPT GOING. I went upstairs to check my email (because that is what I do when I go upstairs, every time, it's a sickness) and he was STILL GOING. I had to go BACK downstairs and say, "Husband, I love you dearly, but the madness, it must end."

And sadly, so sadly, he packed up the mat and put it in the cupboard with the liquor bottles and the feather duster. We turned the TV back so it faced the couches like it's supposed to (none of this hiding the precious television in a subtle armoire in THIS house) and all was balanced in the universe. And then I made him get me some ice cream and watch House AND give me a back rub.

Contact mightymaggie@gmail.com to find out where to send your donation for the Phillip Cheung Emancipation Fund.

Comments

[Lee]

i'm surprised you didn't know that the plh himself was such a ddr freak. he's a talented guy!

i've been rocking the donkey konga: jungle beat game, it's got a pair of bongos that you play and it's quite a forearm workout.

[Antonia]

haha!!

:-)
:-)

[yoonie]

Don't diss Ong Bak: Thai Warrior. It is seriously awesome!

[Sean]

Hey I finally got MY xbox and DDR mat!

Now there's no need to take turns. We can have side-by-side competitions -- just like you were hoping for Maggie!

[Lukey]

I don't know if you peeps want to go up against me, the Mexican Jumping Bean. What, with all the Cucaracha and hat dances my four fathers (yes, I meant that) have been doing for centuries, it's in my jeans (I meant that too).