Maggie vs. The Universe

Reasons Why The Universe Hates Me

1. Phillip is supposed to be at work at 6 am. I am supposed to be at a meeting at 7:30 am. Phillip suddenly wakes up at 7. I stay in bed a few more minutes until I realize that I, too, am late.

2. I get shampoo in my eye.

3. We forgot to put our garbage out.

4. All the cars on Highway 99 zoom past me, the uncertain rarely-drives-99 motorist who absolutely loathes driving across the Aurora bridge. That bridge is HIGH, people.

5. I am ten minutes early to my 7:30 meeting, but I look like a wet rat. Curses.

6. I leave my meeting a half hour after it's over because the President of the BaneOfMyExistence Organization likes to chat. A lot.

7. I take the viaduct to my office while listening to 'Forgiven' by Deb Talan. Which makes me want to pull over and sob.

(One Reason Why The Universe Doesn't Hate Me: While driving over the viaduct, the Big One didn't happen.)

8. I feel so rotten that I don't ignore the homeless woman on the side of the road. I roll down my window to give her my five dollar bill. She says, "It'll turn out fine, honey." And I think, "Maybe." [This is important later on!]

9. I pull into the grocery store near my office because I'm starving. I am listening to 'Forgiven' for the nineteenth time. I turn off the engine, leave the power on to hear the rest of the song, and call my Hawaii friend to leave a mopey message on her voicemail. Wah.

10. In the grocery store I decide to buy myself a doughnut. Because that's the kind of day it is.

11. As I fish for my keys in my purse, I walk over to my beloved automobile. And see my keys in the ignition.

12. Suppress Cry of Woe as I realize that I have Done It Again.

[I believe that somewhere on this website is the sordid tale of the first time I locked my keys in my car, at the same grocery store, because I was listening to music and talking on the phone and did not take my keys with me when I got out of the car. And how my saintly coworker drove over and called Triple A and told them that she had been with me and they unlocked my car and OH HOW WE ADORE THE SAINTLY COWORKER. But I am too lazy to find it. Bite me.]

13. Call Phillip.

"Help me!"

"What's wrong?!"

"I locked myself out! Again! WOE!"

"Well... do you have a coat hanger?"

"Hmm. Let me pull my COAT HANGER out of my POCKET REAL QUICK."

14. Wonder whether I will save any face by walking to work and pretending that Phillip just dropped me off. Realize that I am expected back at a certain time after my meeting. Realize that I will have to call in no matter what to say I will be late. Dreeeeeeeeeeead.

15. Call Saintly Coworker.

"Hello?"

"Hi. It's Maggie. I need some help."

"What's up?"

"Can you come pick me up?"

"Oh, did your car break down?"

"Ummm..."

"You didn't."

"Ummm..."

"Where are you?"

"Same place as before."

peals of laughter erupt throughout office

16. Feel like idiot in Saintly Coworker's car.

"So what song were you listening to?"

"Oh, this awesome song called 'Forgiven' by Deb Talan."

"I think I've heard of her. What's the album called?"

"Actually I burned it onto a CD last night so I'm not sure."

"Oh. So it wasn't like you had to listen to the end of the song because it was on the radio and you weren't sure if you were going to hear it again."

"..."

17. The Saintly Coworker's Saintly Vehicle does not have power locks. I always forget to lock my door when I get out. She always has to remind me. "It's funny, Maggie, you always forget to lock my door, but you don't forget to lock yours." Begin to rethink Saintly Coworker's saintliness.

18. Phillip instant messages me to say that he has a lot more work than he realized. He might not be able to go home early and bring me the extra key. I'll have to take the bus home.

19. I look up the bus route home. Walk a third of a mile, take one bus, then another bus. Realize I gave all my cash to the homeless lady. Who said everything would be okay. SHE LIED.

20. Realize that if I took the bus home, I would not have keys to ENTER MY HOUSE.

21. It is only noon. Haaaaaaaaaaaate today. HATE.

Comments

[Lukey]

I almost stepped in dog doo-doo, if that makes you feel any better.

[orangepaas]

oh honey. *hugs* it'll be okay...tomorrow :P

i'm sure the homeless lady wasn't joking. you're only temporarily homeless till your husband comes home. it could be a lot worse!

(ok, so that probably didn't help much, but we've all had days like this!)