When you go out to the woods today

Internet, prepare yourselves. My husband and I have started a new Project. (I KNOW. WHAT ARE WE THINKING?)

The new Project involves an unfinished pine storage bench that took four weeks to arrive and now needs to be sanded, pre-conditioned, stained, top-coatted and, finally, put together. We picked up our bench on Saturday and started staining yesterday afternoon in hopes of having it finished by this weekend when we have overnight guests. The prognosis does not look so good. If there was some way to suspend all the pieces from the ceiling so that I could stain it all at once and let it dry without having to touch or move it, THEN it might be done by Saturday. As it looks now, we might get to start the top coat a week from today.

I blame two of the founding members of the Original Thursday Night TV Gang as they are constantly doing things like a) tearing up carpet b) painting the trim on the outside of their house c) retiling the bathroom shower d) staining all of their living room furniture e) installing new countertops, backsplash, tile and APPLIANCES in their kitchen and f) making the rest of us look bad. When you have friends who are debating whether or not to enter the House Flipping business, deciding to stain a little ole bench doesn't seem like such a big deal. Until you actually start and then you realize for the millionth time that you are a CITY GIRL and how are you supposed to know that if you rinse the brush under the faucet outside it might splash and get stain on your HOUSE?

We could have started this staining business on Saturday, but I was called away on urgent business at an event we shall call the Annual [Teddy Bear] Picnic. Now. Replace 'Teddy Bear' with the name of the minority political party in my crunchy green candelight-peace-vigil city and you have an event which must be held an hour away from downtown for fear of members of the majority party walking by and spitting on the attendees.

I am not a card carrying Teddy Bear nor do I make it a habit to attend such functions, but I went to wear a t-shirt and pass out stickers in support of a particular local candidate whom I occasionally assist with such complicated tasks as mail merges. (I may have to glue my fingers together to keep from expounding on the previous sentence. Oh the blog fodder he could provide... But I mustn't! I mustn't!)

I do need to mention, though, that my local candidate is not a Teddy Bear, nor is he endorsed by Teddy Bears or even welcome at their picnic. He himself prefers to think that Teddy Bears only exist in small communities in that part of the country he tries to forget is still American. He did, however, want their votes and I was brought along to help fend off the cooties. So there I was wearing my t-shirt and passing out flyers and answering this question over and over: "Here's the only thing I need to know, honey. Is he a Teddy Bear?"

I thought this was a VERY forward question from someone who is, in my opinion, a member of an endangered species in the Pacific Northwest. I took the cue from my uber-Teddy Bear (and super cute and super blond) fellow volunteer and stressed his "pro-business" resume etc. etc. Gag. I started to be super annoyed by the kinds of people who attend things like the Annual Teddy Bear Picnic. (Including those of you who are not registered to vote in our county. What are you doing at the COUNTY Teddy Bear Picnic? GO AWAY! WHY AM I WASTING MY STICKERS ON YOU?)

I was especially annoyed by the Young Upstart assisting the Queen of the Picnic, following her around with his little clipboard and his trendy sunglasses and telling everyone what to do. He was arrogant and obnoxious and utterly repulsed by the fact that a non-Teddy Bear was littering the grounds of his holy picnic. (Well, until Cute Blond Fellow Volunteer started working her magic and then, poof! Maybe our candidate isn't THAT bad... Seriously, people. You want this girl working your campaign.) To summarize: Meh. Not impressed.

It was the old guys who provided the amusement. (The old guys were just as arrogant and knee-jerky, but I'll have a lot more grace for you if you're 90.) There was one guy who marched up to me with a map of my state and said, "Have you seen the witch! Have you seen the witch of Washington?"

Me: "Ummmm, no?"

Cute Blond Volunteer: "Aw hi Mister! Whatcha got there?"

Old Dude: "Here she is. See her hat? See her legs?" Points to the land formations in the Puget Sound where there is, surprisingly, a definite outline of a witch wearing a pointy hat and flying a broomstick. If you have the Old Dude's map, I guess. I don't know.

Me: "Oh, I see her now."

CBV: "That is So! Cool! Do you want a sticker?!"

Old Dude: "Right. There she is. You see her? That's the WITCH OF WASHINGTON. And her name is Christine and she stole votes in three counties to get into office!"

Me: "Har har."

CBV: "Yer awesome, OLD DUDE!"

Yeah. It's cute if you're 90.

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled obsessive hurricane watch. Be thankful you are not 487th in line for the bathroom inside a gigantic dark football stadium wondering if all your furniture floated away.

Comments

[Luke]

I can't help but hug every Teddy Bear I see...

[lee]

FYI at my house there is an autographed picture of Mr. and Mrs. President that came addressed to none other than Luke. The real question is, why have we saved it?