Therapy Thursday

Hello Friends in the Computer! You are surely thinking to yourselves:

1. Why hasn't she posted ANY wedding pictures for we are DYING to see them! and
2. What is UP with the lame-o posts lately? For we are bored bored bored by the paint and the house and the myriad of things that, as her sister Katie would say, she should JUST GET OVER ALREADY!

So! Here are the answers to those questions:

1. Because my camera died right when the bride was having her hair done and I was wearing curlers and the hotel suite was plastered in melted chocolate leftover from the Great Strawberry Dipping Frenzy, I have no actual wedding pictures. For those we're going to have to wait on Blondie who, though she is many fabulous things, is not a speed-answerer of desperate email with a subject header reading PICTURES! NOW!
2. a: Also, the posts are lame-o because the one thing that is consuming my ENTIRE life right now is simply not a good read. Your faithful blogger (journal-er? share-er of too much information?) decided to paint her powder room (powder room!) RED and MY GOD WHAT WAS I THINKING?  b: I don't get over ANYTHING "already". Have you read my blog?

I told myself I wouldn't write a whiny neurotic essay about the [splotchy, uneven, not-even-halfway-done] bathroom I started painting ["Cherry Cobbler" red] two nights ago. But if I don't, you are post-less for the rest of the week. And no one wants that, right?

When I opened up the paint can Tuesday night, it was PINK. Bright hot magenta. And I thought, "Oh dear, this is not good, this is not good at all." But the bathroom was all taped and plasticked up. And I have a limited number of days to get this project done. (BECAUSE, I am a MORON! Details to follow!) So I took my 99 cent foam brush and painted a bright pink strip behind the door. I waited for it to dry, then I painted another one on top. And then another one. The paint? It is red. And after 2 days I have a deep red 3-coat strip surrounded by two coats made with the useless foam brush, a section of the wall truly representational of the whole: splotchy, uneven, and completely frightening. I went to bed that first night with paint on my elbows and in my hair and terrified that I had now officially ruined my new house.

I blame the nice ladies in the 'Colors' forum on the HGTV.com message boards. "Red!" they exclaimed. "Red will be fabulous for your powder room!" (Apparently I'm the only one not saying 'powder room'. That alone should have signaled me to stay far far away from the red paint.) After soaking up all my internet affirmation, I stopped by Home Depot and picked up a gallon of 'Cherry Cobbler' and now? Now I have the Attack Of The Killer Tomato-Colored Paint.

I was unbelievably nervous about going home and starting it up again. I didn't even finish the first coat, deciding I was too exhausted and the brushes too cheap to get behind the sink and around the light fixture. Phillip, after working until 8, taped around the ceiling for me, and I called up Katie in a state of Pure Paint-Related Panic asking her to help. She might have snickered a little bit, which is probably what you are doing too, Fair Reader, because, duh, IT IS JUST PAINT.

Last night I painted all around the back of the [pedestal] sink and as far behind the toilet tank I could go and all around the nether regions of the corner with the toilet. I painted around the light fixture above the mirror because I couldn't get it off. And Katie, who was helping when she could (did I mention the bathroom is TEENY?) popped her head in every so often to say, "Maggie? I think you should take a break. Come watch Everybody Loves Raymond and stop bawling FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"

So I did. Breaks, it seems are good for you. They help immensely with the whole being-completely-overwhelmed-by-the-red-paint-disaster situation.

Several Authorities on Paint have informed me that all colors are streaky and uneven, it just shows up more with the dark colors, which is why you need more coats of dark colors. I must admit the authorities make sense, but until I have 7 or 8 more coats, I am stuck with the streaky and uneven and I AM HAVING A PARTY THIS WEEKEND. (Which is exactly why my mother said not to start a painting project this week.) Yeah, did I mention that? A party? The Housewarming/Maggie'sBirthday/NewHarryPotterBook Part-ay? And I thought, "Oh! Wouldn't it be cool if I had a gleaming red bathroom and everyone could ooh and ahh over my artistic touches and eye for color?" That's right. Who is the craziest girl on the planet?

Right, I know. Dumbest freak out ever. And yet? STILL A FREAK OUT. Also, an excellent opportunity to practice productive self-talk to counter destructive perfectionistic self-talk.*

SELF: a shrill, neurotic, high-pitched wail My friend the Interior Decorator is remodeling her kitchen. She tiled her shower, refinished her floors, stained her own furniture and painted her ENTIRE HOUSE. I can't even paint a 4 x 8 foot bathroom. [Perfectionistic Thinking/Self Criticism]

COUNTERING SELF-TALK: zen, mellow, like the guy who leads the relaxation exercises on the airplane radio You haven't finished the bathroom yet. Give yourself time to complete the project before you declare yourself a failure.

SELF: But I didn't use the rollers right and there are lines everywhere and it's going to be this ugly FOREVER AND EVER! [Catastrophic Thinking]

COUNTERING SELF-TALK: What is the worst possible outcome? That you will have a splotchy uneven bathroom. While this is certainly not ideal, there are other options. It would be difficult, but you can paint over it- you can even hire professionals! You can try a sponge finish to hide some of the splotchiness and make it look like you did it that way on purpose! You have to admit that you do sorta like the variations in the color, even if you don't want to admit that to anyone because then they'd think you were only trying to cover up the fact that you totally suck at painting- WAIT! [Personalizing/Perfectionism] Hang on! Let me get back in form!.

SELF: Whatever. I shouldn't have tried this. I totally suck at stuff like this. [Over Generalizing/Perfectionism]

COUNTERING SELF-TALK: You don't suck at this. The yellow bedroom looks great! Maybe when you've done the second and third coats, the red bathroom will look great too.

SELF: Oh no, dwelling on this stupid bathroom is making me anxious. This is ridiculous. Something this small and insignificant should not have this effect on me! I'm going to be up all night! WAH![Catastrophic Thinking/Personalizing/Self-Criticism]

COUNTERING SELF-TALK: It's ok to be upset about the bathroom. It's not as easy as you thought it would be and it's hard to picture what the final result will look like. Let's finish the painting first, and if it still looks bad, we'll figure out what to do then.

Bonus points for hauling your sister in to do your Countering Self Talk for you.

This morning I got out of bed and went straight to the downstairs bathroom to check it out in the morning light and, well, it's definitely not perfect, but at least it isn't pink and the streaks were lessened by the second coat. It looks better today. I'll give it a few more coats and see what happens.

For some people, "seeing what happens" comes much more naturally. For other people, like me, you go through I need to buy new brushes and what if I buy the wrong kind again and what if they don't make a difference and I didn't intend to spend this much money and can I get the second coat done tonight and why did I have to start this now, especially with Phillip working so hard and staying late and what if we still aren't done before the party before you get to the "see what happens" part. Sometimes you are so caught up in the anxiety that you never get to the "see what happens". And there's no use telling me I'm being ridiculous because I KNOW. I really really know.

At least this time, it's only about paint.

*If you found this by googling around for a neurotic kindred spirit and, instead of rolling your eyes and snorting at the self-talk examples, you possibly recognized yourself, there is an excellent book out there that identifies all this stuff and tells you how to respond. Yes, like you have two personalities. (It helps maintain the image of crazy!) One half of your brain with no perspective and the other trying to maintain control. I found this book incredibly helpful in sorting all that out.