Me? Technically inept?

The best thing about my new job is that is comes with its very own IT Consultant. At my last job, in addition to my important duties as Chief Mind Reader and Vice President of Hand Holding, I fulfilled the role of IT Consultant and I may have loathed that part more than all the other parts combined. (And just so everyone knows, the job often sucked entire cartons of eggs, but my boss- and this is the most truthful disclaimer you will ever read- was the awesomest. He may have been a bit technologically-challenged and occasionally lacking in the communication department, but he now calls me up at my new job- which he helped me to acquire- just to share industry gossip and shoot the expletive-laced breeze with me. These phone calls quite frequently end with "You're always welcome to visit, dear" and that? Is priceless.)

At my last job, the entire IT department consisted of Me and whatever hapless peon happened to answer the phone when I made my frantic ohmygodthecomputerisdying call to that crappy excuse for computer 911, Microsoft Customer Support. Not a few of my card-carrying Geek friends snickered under their breaths when I would relate my tales of crashed hard drives and the Spyware That Would Not Die, but you know what? When you're the De Facto IT Consultant, you start to learn some stuff. You have to. There are only so many hours you can spend on hold with Steve, my official Microsoft support guy, before that side of your face starts to melt from the ear sweat. I know. It's disgusting. Also, there are only so many times Microsoft allows you to call before they start to CHARGE you for the pleasure of HOLDING with Steve. Who is a nice guy, really, but when Steve starts sending you to third party websites to find downloads that "might fix this, we'll find out!", you start to think, "Hey. I am a reasonably intelligent person for whom a computer is Something That Improves My Life, rather than That Damn Thing The Kids Bought. Perhaps there are things I can figure out for myself!"

This is how I discovered that place beloved of De Facto IT Consultants everywhere: Google Groups. Oh thank you, Nerds of the World, for posting all your nerdy goodness to Google Groups. Also, Instant Messenger. Thank you, Instant Messenger, for continuing to instantly connect me to a community of True Geeks willing to impart their wisdom and lead me to the Great Green Pastures of Happy and Spyware-Free Computers.

This is all to say: I know some stuff, but not too much. The distinguishing characteristic of any database I create is the pleasing color scheme, not the complex code. When faced, however, with an unruly application or grumpy computer, I may wait a few minutes before fumbling through my Rolodex to find the IT guy's card. But my new job? With the on-call IT consultant? And the already-well-entrenched De Facto IT Consultant? I will be happy to sit, with glazed-over eyes and a cheerfully blank mind, waiting for someone ELSE to figure out why the stupid computer refuses to cooperate.

And in other fantastic work-related news (and I know, I know, I'm not writing about work ever again!) I GOT PAID. I got paid actual money. Which I will deposit at the bank on my way home. Ninety percent of which I plan to spend tomorrow during my Afternoon Of Shopping Downtown. Oh, I miss you Downtown!

Suggestions for how to spend my newly acquired dollars can be sent to mighty_maggie@hotmail.com